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Original poster

Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

294 replies

Kelkell · 30/07/2026 13:03

Changed name as a regular poster and don’t want to out myself.

I’m away with DH and our two DC currently, we have had a few rows in recent months and haven’t been intimate for a while either.

I have spent the first few days of the holiday (we’re here for 10 days) running around after the kids, co-ordinating the on site clubs and basically not relaxing. DH has spent most of his days led pool side with his headphones in and a drink.

He has been on his phone a lot more than on recent holidays. So when he was in the shower last night, I looked at it because I was suspicious.

There are numerous messages between him and another woman. Time stamps when he would have been pool side. One really hurtful one said he has a ‘beer and the sun, I just wish you were here too so I could see your milk tankers in a bikini’. She’s equally flirting back, it made me feel sick reading.

I managed to bring this up without the kids present, he said what do I expect when I won’t go near him anymore. Just really cold. He’s doing his own thing today, and I don’t know how I’ll get through the rest of the holiday 😥

OP posts:
user1471600850 · 30/07/2026 18:53

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Seriously! Really helpful comment!

pastadish · 30/07/2026 18:52

Company for the week? What does that mean and why does he need company for the week when he’s on holiday and not actually going to be able to see anyone?

DonaldWheresMaTweezers · 30/07/2026 18:52

see your milk tankers in a bikini’

I mean, that phrase alone is grounds for LTB even if he'd said it to you.

Thisismynewname23 · 30/07/2026 18:38

This is awful I’m so sorry for you, I would try and have a think while you are away if you can manage without him, he sounds gross

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 30/07/2026 18:37

(I’m confused by the people saying keep the kids passports and also leave early and let him bring them home…..this isn’t possible, surely people must realise that?!)

Op, you aren’t being unreasonable. He sounds like a massive git. So sorry you are dealing with this.
A friend had exactly the same a couple of years ago, she had actually taken her bit on the side on the family holiday, bizarrely! 🫣
She then announced at dinner in front of the lovely husband and their kids that the ‘friend’ she had taken was actually her boyfriend!! Astounding!😳

Definitely get a lawyer.
Don’t change any locks at this point though, that is not ok, sadly.

Get a great lawyer! Sending hugs. You deserve a lot better!!

(while on holiday, can you leave him to his sad messages and try to have a load of fun with the kids?! Can you book some days trips to get away from him?)

🌼

P.S, that comment of his…..🤢🤮
you had a great escape there!!!

Hattie122 · 30/07/2026 18:34

DemonsandMosquitoes · 30/07/2026 18:32

Ask him to spend the rest of the holiday thinking about how he will facilitate 50/50 with his children going forward as the relationship is now obviously over. That should focus his mind. ‘As much as he can’ isn’t enough. 24/7 half of every week, or weeks about.

I really don't think it will. Men know that they don't have to do 50/50 or even bother to see their kids at all if they don't want to.

DemonsandMosquitoes · 30/07/2026 18:32

Ask him to spend the rest of the holiday thinking about how he will facilitate 50/50 with his children going forward as the relationship is now obviously over. That should focus his mind. ‘As much as he can’ isn’t enough. 24/7 half of every week, or weeks about.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 30/07/2026 18:28

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Are you serious? Hitting a bad patch in a marriage is an excuse for an affair?

A wife is not a prostitute. Don't put out he'll go elsewhere.

EllaAtLarge · 30/07/2026 18:25

He’s been pushing you away, and now his solution is to dump you and pursue someone else without even trying to fix things with you?

He sounds horrible, I’m sorry for you.

I would totally blank him for the rest of the holiday. Suit yourself. Tell him if he wanted a good marriage and intimacy, he’s gone about a really wrong-headed way

rwalker · 30/07/2026 18:24

I think you have to go in practical mode on the plus side if there is on its cut and dried some people go through all sorts of of hell suspecting accusation and denial try to get proof you’ve been spared that
it’s literally get past it or split
I think you’ll be going down the split route

IhateBegonias · 30/07/2026 18:16

She only wants his company cos she can hand back the ugly twat.
try and enjoy your time with the kids and get some alone time. Plan what to do next.
You and your kids deserve so much better! 💐

CharlotteByrde · 30/07/2026 18:05

You cannot legally change the locks on a jointly owned home, so don't do that. But do phone a lawyer right now and go and see her as soon as you get home. Don't tell him anything, just get the ball rolling. Spend most of the holiday with your kids and give them the best time you can, but book that spa and take some walks. Make your plans xx

Sunnyday410 · 30/07/2026 18:00

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I cant imagine how hard it must be with the children, all I can suggest is focus on you and your children. Dont spend time with him unless absolutely necessary. He is an awful man and doesn't deserve you. Failing that put him on the next flight home or get some first and change the locks xxx

chocoluv · 30/07/2026 17:50

I think you need to try and take emotions out of it and be very straight with him.

Tell him you’ll discuss it when you get home but you’re not going to be as selfish as him and ruin the DCs holiday.

Create basically a timetable where you take in turns getting a lie in and doing the morning and afternoon shift.

Tell the kids it’s yours and their dads holiday too and you both want to relax and so eg until 2pm they are to go to you if they need anything and then after 2pm they go to their dad, whilst you go and do whatever you want.

It means he actually has to parent and you get time with your thoughts.

Obviously what he has done is wrong but his attitude when getting caught is what would really wind me up and recognise that there is never any coming back from this.

Thedogscollar · 30/07/2026 17:47

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There's usually one eejit on these threads and here they are. Thick as two planks.
OP divorce divorce divorce. Any man using that language is not worth spending a nano second with.
Try to enjoy your holiday as much as you can with your kids.
Prepare to get rid of this creature when you get home.

Kokonimater · 30/07/2026 17:44

Keep it together as much as you can for the children.
but start planning.
This is your way to freedom from this unpleasant man.
Youll be fine. X

DNAMissed · 30/07/2026 17:26

theneighbourstolemyteacup · 30/07/2026 13:12

so I could see your milk tankers in a bikini’

I always wonder what kind of woman can actually find that kind of comments attractive.

Exactly. How can any woman be attracted to this Neanderthal??

Terfarina · 30/07/2026 17:23

He sounds like a prize arsehole. "company for the week" - how bloody dare he!

OP, this is so totally disrespectful to you, I can only imagine that he has run you down overtime as people don't go from being loving and respectful to this without a period of deterioration.

You are worth so much more than this, he wont be able to take your kids assuming you are primary carer.

Make notes of everything that happens over the holiday so you are prepared if you choose to see a lawyer on your return.

PinkyFlamingo · 30/07/2026 17:09

Kelkell · 30/07/2026 13:09

He says it’s no one either of us know and it’s ’just some company for the week’. I’ve no idea - couldn’t really see her face in the profile photo.

Ok ffs...you should be his company for the week, he's on holiday with his family!
What an absolute bastard. You can't live with this man any more surely if he can hurt you like this

andthat · 30/07/2026 17:06

Nocommentisacomment · 30/07/2026 14:47

I agree.
There is a difference between going through a few stressful, sleep-deprived months where physical intimacy naturally takes a back seat. But if it goes on for a long time and nothing is done to address it, that is a choice.

I know many people in sexless marriages, but they either chose to work on the problem through therapy and communication, or they made an agreement to have an open relationship. Ignoring the issue and hoping it will disappear is how you end up here.

I’m not saying this is entirely your fault, but being unwilling to address a complete lack of intimacy and then being shocked that your partner looks for it elsewhere is unrealistic. You can’t neglect a major part of a relationship for a long time and expect there to be no consequences.

Edited
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“I’m not saying this is entirely your fault…”

Well that’s good of you @Nocommentisacomment!

Silly @Kelkell for not meeting your husbands needs when you’re running yourself into the ground with the kids and he’s sat doing fuck all! Poor baby needs some company this week!!

yayers · 30/07/2026 17:04

So wait, you don’t want to sleep with him because he’s let his appearance deteriorate but somehow, him flirting with another woman is your fault? My word, that’s some pretty fancy gaslighting!

Tableforjoan · 30/07/2026 16:59

The company for the week would be a flag alone.

Why does he need this woman to talk to just for this week?

Who is at home that he normally gets his ego strokes from and possibly other strokes. A paid for service or a woman he doesn’t want you to actually find out about.

Milk tankers is gross.

Laura95167 · 30/07/2026 16:58

"Milk tankers" and she responded positively?!?

Omfg let her have him.one day the worst thing hes ever done will be the best thing to have happened to you

TwinklySquid · 30/07/2026 16:53

Kelkell · 30/07/2026 14:07

From previous arguments, he has said he’d have the kids as much as he could and it’s him with the financial means to keep the home. He would palm them off to family and paid help, I expect. He wouldn’t give up his job (it’s lucrative - well into six figures but has little flexibility)

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Men like this will say that to scare you. There’s been women on places like TikTok who have called their bluff. Said “okay”. You have them full time, I’ll be a weekend mum and pay you maintenance . You wont be paying loads as they take account of your income.

Hell soon find it cheaper to give you money and less stress to let you have the kids. He’s using the kids to upset you. You need to just play along. The more you play along and say things like “ it will be nice to have the week to myself and not worry about doing the school stuff etc “, the quicker he’ll hand them bqck1 if he even gets that far.

MrsVBS · 30/07/2026 16:52

Regardless of anything else, any man who uses the term ‘milk tankers’ deserves everything he gets. Fly home and get a good divorce lawyer.