Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

What did he expect when she married someone who I presume was reasonably fit looking and nice to her most of the time, who then morphes into an overweight grumpy arsehole who treats her like shit and refuses to pull his weight parenting his own kids? It's common knowledge that kind of thing puts most women off.

What an utter loser.

Hard to know-sadly such sleazy services do indeed exist

I don’t think you will be able to relax at all
so if I was you I would look for a solicitor, get as much access to important info as bank accounts, mortgage , pensions etc and prepare to get a divorce .

I don’t think the service is bullshit is that what you mean? I genuinely have seen such ‘services’ offered being mentioned when I was on a subreddit to do with partners porn habits.

or maybe you mean his behaviour is bullshit- which it most definitely is

He’s paid for someone to send him photos and dirty messages? If that’s true, she’s probably watching Countdown or cleaning the fridge at the same time! What a loser.

Oh ffs. 🙄 Vows, partnership, communication, respect and integrity. Cheating is a choice that indicates a lack of character and no one makes someone do it. Give your head a shake.

I managed to bring this up without the kids present, he said what do I expect when I won’t go near him anymore.

Honestly what did you expect? It always boggles my mind when one partner completely checks out of the physical part of the relationship, and is then surprised and outraged when the other partner finds it elsewhere.

This is bullshit

What a revolting man. I’m so sorry OP, it must be awful for you.

So was he thinking you just wouldn't notice him on his phone all the time, checked out of your relationship and his parental responsibilities? Was he thinking you'd just be upset but put up with it, once you found out?

He was obviously happy to let you assume he was having an affair before it kicked off and the truth came out. If indeed it is the truth and he's not minimising an affair, trying to get you to write it off as digital only because in his mind he's thinking of doing the whole "its not really cheating because nothing physical happened" thing. Did he think that if you thought he was having an affair you'd be jealous, cry for a bit, then beg him not to leave you or something like that?

He must be thick as shit.

Hope you're ok OP. Does he know he's having the kids tomorrow or is it going to be a nice surprise 😜

What a loser!

He’s paid for this?! What a sad prick he is. So sorry OP - you deserve much better. Definitely get some advice re divorce. What a crap holiday 😔

What’s the chances he’s in any fit state to look after children tomorrow if he’s propping up the bar all night… What an arsehole

How did the spa time go? Have you thought about packing you and the kids up and heading home, collect a few things and go and stay with family??

you need support and someone you trust letting you know this behaviour is not right.

otherwise when he is in the shower next, pick up his mobile and message her back, tell her he is married and on holiday with you. If it is a paid service I would hope she has some sort of standard and no longer communicate with him.

that then puts the ball in his court as to his next move. My bet is when you get home he won’t be around much longer.

sending hugs

I don’t believe that at all. Do you?

Please keep your game face in and your head straight. If you have someone you trust, sister, parents, bff, whoever, message them to confide and get support. Get home, see a lawyer and get the proper legal advice you need.

I’ve been in your shoes op, it absolutely sucks. I’m sorry. I’m out the other side now and currently in the midst of divorcing my cheating ex. No matter how hard he’s made things, life is still better without a lying, cheating creep in my life. I agree with the suggestion to parent 50/50 on this holiday, take some time for yourself and give him a taste of life to come. Don’t let him gaslight you, and please don’t be tempted to try again for the sake of your children. The trust is gone. Time to develop a steely core, and book in 30 mins free with a couple of solicitors when you get home to see where you stand. You can do this.

"Milk tankers", wow what woman could resist such a poet, Shakespeare himself never achieved such seductive prose. Oh OP, what a horrible way to find out that he's a total pig. I hope you get some time to recalibrate your head over the next few days and then feel able to start firming up plans to get the life you deserve

What does he expect when you don’t go near him? Well what you expect is some communication and an effort to put things right. He’s a coward for fleeing to the next Fanny at the sign of trouble. What a “man”. It’s up to if you want to make things work - have to see if he’ll accept to go to counselling (“relate” do couples therapy) or are you going to make a move to leave and get your ducks in a row financially? Don’t let him know your plans though. So sorry for this situation ❤️❤️❤️

@Kelkell it's hard to think clearly when you've had a shock (even if you felt something wasn't right, it may still feel a shock). Have you got a relative or a friend who could offer some support? I recommend getting written/ photographic evidence about what he's been up to. You may think you've got enough evidence from seeing his messages and hearing him admit it but personally, I think you need more written evidence as it was his phone, yes? He may admit things to you but it doesn't mean he'll tell the truth to a solicitor. What if he accidentally messaged you instead of her or what if you got a photo? My first move would be 'Operation Evidence'. I get that you probably don't want to do this right now but it may benefit you later on. And just because you may have decided you no longer want him, you don't have to let Miss X walk off with him either. Does she know he's married? She may not but if she does know, I would be seething because of the disregard for my children. Focus on what you want in life now, not him or his passing interest. Good luck. You got this. And there's a thousands women hoping you find the happiness and love you deserve.

Seek legal advice pronto

How old are the kids - are they safe if her looks after them for the day?
i would be leaving him for entire day tomorrow, potter sound go shopping, rest on the beach etc
if not just spend time with the kids and ignore him completely.
get your ducks in a row and have a bit of space to decide what you want going forward.
either you think you can make it work or whether you want to leave him- I certainly wouldn’t be telling him either way. Keep your cards close to your chest and make a plan.

Depends how old they are. If they don't know how long the holiday was supposed to be, it's easy. Or if they are too young to know what "a week" means, it's easy. Just tell them you're going out for the day, get to airport and buy them food and go shopping, then it's time to leave but there's not enough room on the plane so daddy is getting the next one. If they're too old for that then you're screwed and will have to make up some nonsense about an emergency meaning you have to leave and put up with them whining all the way home.