Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

Hi op, how are you, have you returned from holiday,

I mean it's not this.

Ofc it's a real person.

Hahahaha brilliant. What a shame it would be if both his bank cards and passport went missing!

I'd be booking a slightly earlier flight home. Giving his passport a good flushing down the loo on my way out the door.

And block his bank card...
Then switch off your phone.

Ah. I see I should have added to be delivered with a head tilt and tinkly laugh! I was being (fairly) sarcastic, or it could be an amusing wind-up…. Not so much fully serious.

Hay op hope your ok, great advice on here

When does your holiday end,
How are you feeling now

Because at work they aren’t functioning on an emotional plane.

They aren’t stupid, they are emotionally immature.

Who says milk tankards about a woman’s breasts? A little boy, not a man.
Who tells their wife they hired someone “for company”? Someone lashing out in a childlike way. Not a man.

This is why you see so many women describe men almost like they are two different people. There’s a man and a boy in there. And the little boy come out when a man who never learned to deal with his emotions feels threatened and This is what you get.

What do you want to do OP? Everyone on here suggests divorce but is that what YOU want? It sounds like he hasn't physically cheated which doesn't make it okay but at least it isn't an emotional or love based affair. How long have you been together? Are the children young? I wouldn't do anything rash just yet. Wait until you get back, take at least two weeks to think about it and then start making some plans after talking to services like women's aid or women legal service. You must protect your own interests and sometimes that means being strategic and not emotional.

If he gets that pissed again chuck away his phone and tell him he must have lost it.
Will get shot of Miss Milk Marketing Board 2026 till you’re back and watching the frantic hunt will be amusing

Right?!

“Milk tankards” 🤢

He is talking about kicking her out of the house though. Could they not negotiate her staying in the family home until the kids are 18?

I’m getting visions of a Lee Anderson type!!

Fake it until you can secure your finances out even if that means a few months back at home of living a lie it’ll be worth it long run, don’t underestimate your love for you and your kids- plan if you can.

Going home isn’t an option, it’s not the kids’ fault and they are still managing to enjoy their holiday - I’d be selfish to do so.

No you'd be sensible because it gives you a head start on getting divorced before he has a chance to start hiding assets etc. Doing your best for DC future isn't selfish. Not that everything is about DC anyway, it's ok to put yourself first in a situation like this. You're not harming DC by putting yourself first in this instance. Selfish is harming others and not giving a shit about it so long as you get what you want. Putting yourself first isn't always selfish, they're two different things.

He did however and that was pretty horrendous. They can be absolutely vile just to warn you!

Oh and I didn’t have a solicitor!

Just work out what you need to buy a house for you and the kids OP. Do not agree to 50/50 contact make him fight in court for that. If you are the main carer then it should stay that way. Fight for as much as you possibly can from this man because you only get one chance. It can be done I’ve been there and got enough money to buy a house outright. The idiot decided to leave me with a baby and a toddler while I was a stay at home mum!

Can you stretch to a different room for you and the kids? Sounds absolutely hellish for you.

How do thick, stupid men like this one manage to get a job paying over £100K?

Is there any chance the hotel has a spare room he could be parked in? Then get yourself packed and ready to leave for the airport. If he's constantly drunk then he's not safe.. the hotel might help under the circumstances. Particularly as it might upset the children.

You can only deal with what's right in front of you right now. If its too expensive to leave early and the kids are distracted by being on holiday, then that's what it is.

You will be home soon enough.

Forget thinking this as a holiday.. because it's more about a coping situation. But you sound like a sensible and logical person, dealing with a very upsetting situation. You will get through these few days. And if the kids are enjoying the distraction of being away, well that is a compensation of course, at least they are distracted with things to do.

He deliberately got so drunk so that he didn't have to have the kids today. He doesn't want to be helpful in anyway. He's hoping that will really get to you. Ignore him. He is useless and so is any explanation you may get out of him. Its pointless to even ask, (he's dying for you to ask by the way, so he can turn it all into your fault, so don't let him), He thinks he's making a big statement by sitting by the pool drinking all day and refusing to participate in the holiday/ignoring his kids.

Do things with the kids to while away your time until you can get on that plane and set about getting him out. Wait until he realises that his big showcase means nothing and that everyone would rather get on with their holiday without his contribution. You will get through this and be home soon where you can deal properly with things. So sorry you are going though this

Don’t have anything to add except I hope you’re doing better today and that you quickly realise that he is not a prize to feel bad about losing. The things he has said are disgusting.
Good luck with your divorce, it will be hard but you will feel better in the long run. X

Am sure this has been said already, but take this time to back up account info etc [specifically mortgage info as you will be entitled to a half share - he won’t be able to ‘keep the house’ unless he buys you out with his share of the 50/50 split of all assets. And book an appointment with a divorce solicitor when you get back - you may even be able to arrange one via zoom this week and get the ball rolling before you even get on the plane.

This would mean you could take advice on whether to pack up the children and leave to stay with a relative, or whether they feel you should ask him to leave. BTW I think having him leave is the right tack, regardless of whether he wants to - he is being abusive, so take screen shots of his phone and write up as many of the convos as you can remember - not for the divorce itself but so that you can contact a women’s refuge support etc to get advice on how to get him out of the house now. You may be able to get an order via your solicitor along side divorce proceedings, requiring him to leave immediately due to ongoing abuse and make him stay away from the home unless by prior appointment/seeing the children and you are chaperoned. At least until the house sale goes through or you have come to an arrangement over asset splits. Sometimes men forgo the share of the house in exchange for retaining 100% of their pensions and other assets - so it is important to pull together as much info as possible.

TLDR - contact an solicitor now and get a zoom appointment booked asap if you can; download and collate all the finance stuff re house and other shared assets.

Situation sucks, sorry you’re dealing with this.

Book a day trip for you and kids, leave him alone and get your head around this. Then tomorrow take the day for yourself, or better still, have this evening in the bar chatting to some man “just as company for the evening”.

How old are your kids?

You have no idea what assets they have. The law is pretty prescriptive - in 99% of cases the cost of a lawyer will outstrip any additional value they bring as the law sets out the rules of who gets what. In most cases lawyers are just repeating the rules (which can be looked up online) and charging £££ for the privelige