AIBU to not see friend one to one anymore?

Honestly I would give her one last try…if she bails then send the message after explaining exactly why you don’t do 121’s and she’s proven the point.

This sounds like a friendship that has run its course.

It's sad when its an old friend, but there's no point in hanging on to someone if its just stressful for you each time.

What exactly do you get from this friendship? When you do manage to meet up, does she ask you about your life where you are now living? Is she a good listener, a good advice giver? Does she remember birthdays or contact you in between the times you are home? Does she know the names of the people that are in your life on a regular basis?

Or do you just head to her local pub/nightclub, get sloshed, chat to her mates/the regulars and spend your time giving her advice about her life?

I would say keep your boundaries. Tell her that you're only available Saturdays as Fridays are for your parents. Tell her if she wants one-to-one meet ups, it'll have to be for lunch or coffee, as as much as you like her, she's not your only friend and there's others you need to catch up with.

You could meet her for an hour or two when you get there on Friday and then it's out of the way for the rest of the weekend. You don't have to be out all night.

But, I see that you have told her the reason now and I think that's the best approach. She should know how her flakyness affects others and it can't be all on her terms.

Maybe tell her late night drinking isn't really your thing anymore but a meal out on a Friday to have a good old chinwag would be great, also that means you won't be inconveniencing your parents by getting back too late.

I think you need to be honest too, say Friday nights on a bender don’t work for you as you need to spend time with your family, but Saturday afternoons work for you as you're not a drinker.

it could be a friendship you don’t see everytime you visit amd that’s ok.

I’d tell her and in your situation I’d say the following:

I do love spending time with you one on one, but you cancel a lot and then I don’t have Saturday plans.
Fridays don’t really work for me because I’m coming home to see my family/parents and it’s rude for me (an adult) to come home late on the first night, so I won’t do that anymore except for the very odd occasion.

Just leave it with, she could always come and visit you in your town?

This.

If you go home every 6 weeks and see her, and she’s only called off twice it’s still in ‘benefit of the doubt’ territory. I think compromise - sometimes Friday sometimes Saturday. If you do message I’d voice note as it’s much easier to convey a breezy tone. There are tons of posts on here about not having friends and feeling lonely or left out (especially as people get older and friendships drift) - if she has other qualities that you love then try to figure it out. If a friendship is worth saving you should. Good luck :)

edit: just seen that you already messaged.

Surely you can both be flexible? Sometimes go out on a Friday, sometimes a Saturday? A bit of give and take from both of you wouldn't go amiss. Seems like you both want it on your own terms or not at all.

I assume she never offers to travel to visit you and see you one on one where you live?

She’s being unreasonable. You’re the one actually doing the travelling and she can’t prioritise that on the weekends you’re there. I would wonder if she’s an alcoholic but quite frankly, that’s also not your problem.

Yanbu.
Your time visiting is precious.
You were correct to spell it out to her.

Just give her the simple facts.

I used to have a friend who would often be ill, or busy, or stressed at the last minute & I was always very sympathetic, but then she said something about always over-promising, and I realised that when she over-promised it was usually me who got dropped. If she wants to see you enough she’ll listen, and take steps to make sure she’s able to.

Just respond and say "happy to see you one to one, but i can't do Friday evenings. Happy to have lunch on Saturday or Sunday if you're free though?"

Yes you can. The reason for cancelling doesn't actually matter because the impact on you is the same.

If she says she was ill then that's what she says.

You sound as inflexible as she does if you will only entertain the idea of meeting on a Saturday at a specific time and won't consider inviting her to yours, or even out for dinner where you live.

Just say “Fridays are not a good night for me anymore. I prefer a wuiet Saturday morning get together.” Leave it at that. She doesn’t really care that you are not making plans with her. She is just trying to neg you to get back to goong out Friday nights. You don’t have to have any conversation about it or argument. Just say “Im not up for friday’s anymore . “ she will stop asking you or agreeing to dates on her own

So who does she usually go out with on a Friday night? Surely not alone so even if you met up on a Friday night it wouldn’t be a 1:1 catch up

If they are understanding, you could explain to your parents that you really want to see your flaky friend and Friday night is the only possible time, but you will stay in to spend Saturday evening with them. If you want to keep up the friendship, that is. Sounds as if your friend is not offering an alternative.