AIBU to not see friend one to one anymore?

I find it odd that you put me wanting to show some consideration to my own parents on the same level as her wanting to get pissed on a Friday.

This is the crux of the issue - you have reasons not to meet on Friday, she has reasons not to meet on Saturday. You think your reasons are 'better' than hers so you think she is BU. FWIW I would tend to agree with you but that's not really the point.

Different people prioritise different things but neither of you are prioritising each other so perhaps neither of you are that bothered?

Slightly off topic, but for some reason I have this image of Big Mandy from This Country throwing her weight around the village pub, hogging the fruit machine and the "locals" who are casual friends are just people enjoying a quiet pint who don't want to be bothered.

OP, I live in London myself, but in the adult world, coming back to your hometown every 6 weeks or thereabouts is a fairly regular visit. Treating it as though it is some special event with high expectations of others is a little grandiose.

Having expectations that you will catch up with multiple people over the course of a weekend is far too high. Expecting to catch up with Mandie, other friends and your parents over the course of a few days is essentially cramming them in. I can imagine that everyone feels as though they have to commit to a timeslot to catch up with you. Why not quietly return to see your parents one weekend without broadcasting it to your entire social circle back home? You could do the same for your other friends that you want to see and for Mandie if you truly would like to stay friends with her.

Could you do Sunday lunch?

Sounds like she wants it all her own way. She wants to see you, but ONLY on her terms - on the day she wants, in the format she wants, doing what she wants...its all very me me me. You sound like youre just an accessory to her rather sad Friday night 'hanging on to my youth' sessions, which it also sounds like you have pretty much outgrown. This is one of those friendships Id let quietly fade out,

Agreed she should not be flaking out on you when arrangenents have been made. You should call her out on it; but you are still coming across as inflexible, snooty and condescending.
And to suggest that the person who posted this must have been hurt by someone who moved to London is insanev😅

I have a relative who frequently comes "home" and generally stays at any of 3 different locations. Sometimes a night somewhere and then 2 nights somewhere else.

I totally understand where you're coming from OP. I don't feel my relative would like to just drop their bags and shoot out again and honestly, I'm not sure I would like to do that, either, if I were the one visiting...

I'd be sticking to this: it's important to you.

Is there a way that you could stay at your friends on the friday night?

This way, your parents would expect to see you on the Saturday that week and you'd see your friend, too.

I do see your point very much though! If the only reason someone couldn't see me seemed to be because they prioritised drinking the night before then I'd be a bit miffed too.

I can see where the staying at your friends may be an issue in terms of she would then suggest doing this every time etc... and so you'd definitely need to suggest this with caution.

But she wants to go out Friday! You want to go out Saturday! Just take it in turns. As a parent and a daughter I’d have no problem with my child dropping bags and heading out. I’ve done this loads of times with my parents and siblings. My siblings come to see me for a weekend and drop bags after a commute to meet their friends (or keep them on them and head straight out), I’ve never even considered it an issue.

She can do all the things you’ve suggested, every alternate weekend you see each other. Why can’t you do something with your parents on Saturday instead? You’ll have the whole day and evening with them. You both have a different preference for which days you want to go out. I don’t think either trumps the other.

You speak about Mandie in such a condescending manner. Let me guess, you have moved to London/another major city and you expect your friends to roll out the red carpet for your sporadic visits back to your provincial hometown and do exactly as you please. Your disdain for her is so evident; you clearly judge her drinking and lifestyle and seem to deem yourself as morally superior for wanting to have a wholesome night in with your parents. Almost as though you are sooo above her and have grown out of shock horror drinking after work on Friday. You don't like her at all, so why do you even bother?

I agree you’re as inflexible as she is, also you seem quite snooty about her going out drinking.

Wanting to see your parents doesn’t trump her wanting to go out just because you deem one more morally acceptable than the other.

Yes she could make the odd Saturday, but you could make the odd Friday too. If neither will compromise then the friendship has run its course.

Yes, you should! Just a simple " every time I've tried fora one-on-one you've cancelled".

Then give her one more chance?

I started out thinking YANBU but then having read all your update I think YABU in that you’re being just as inflexible as her.

It really wouldn’t be the big deal you are making it out to be if 1 week now and again you dropped your bags at your parents and headed out with your friend.

Yeah it’s all one sided on her terms only. At least she’s told you how she’s feeling.

id try two different options invite her to where you do live as you’ve not mentioned if she comes to see you, I used to have a close friend who refused to come and see me we are no longer best friends.

And the other option meet up with her on the Sunday instead for a lunch out. She can’t still have a hangover then and you will have seen your parents on Saturday.

I think what you put was fair. There’s also the fact that you have a short space of time to see people so groups makes it easier

I think your message back is fair, and you're right not to just dump stuff at home and head out - it isnt nice for your parents, i would feel the same. It might be worth thinking of some solutions, rather than just "we can only go out as a group because i can't see you Friday and you let me down on saturdays". Is it an option for her to travel and visit you at your home? Could you see her Sunday morning for bottomless brunch or something? Could you do one glass straight from the train but then go home, or have dinner friday, so you're arriving at your parents at a sensible time? Could you arrange to meet for a wine before you meet your group of friends on Saturday nights (less of an issue if she cries off). I feel like there are other ways to hang out than just going out-out just 121 on either Friday or Saturday night.
I imagine you're right, she's looking for someone she trusts to get wasted with, alcoholism isn't just drinking all the time - if she can't control how much she drinks, even if it's only once a week, then it's an addiction. It's up to you whether you want to have that chat with her or support her with that though. You're probably doing her a favour calling it out honestly like this.
I also think it depends how much you care, sometimes friends grow apart and if she won't compromise and you don't want to put up with it, then it is what it is.

You've done the right thing telling her how you feel. The ball's in her court now.

I don’t understand why you can’t alternate? You want Saturdays, she wants Fridays. Both of you need to compromise. I can’t see the problem?

Presumably you’re not going back to your parents for a week, so everything can fit into a rucksack? What’s the issue with dumping your stuff at your parents and going out? You’ll see your parents all day the next day, so there is no difference. Surely your parents aren’t that unreasonable?

So you won’t do Fridays because your parents are more important every single time, they can’t possibly wait til Saturday to hang out with you. Why can’t you swap the days around?

And she won’t do Saturdays because she’s hungover, drinking is more important to her and she can’t miss a night out.

Both of you sound inflexible, neither of you seem to prioritise the friendship much. Only one of you had the guts to be straight up.

Call her out back and sort it out, or throw the friendship away if neither of you want to bother to prioritise it.

Explain it to her like you have here. It sounds like she definitely has an alcohol dependency. Keeping herself sober during the working week and then HAVING to have a big binge Friday night to relax/have fun is a dependency. Especially if she’s avoiding being any more sociable than hanging out with you, and allowing this routine to damage relationships.

Alcoholism doesn’t start with the hidden bottles behind the baked bean tins. It starts like this, being inflexible about when they drink alcohol and falling out with friends.

Has she replied to you or is she in a huff.