AIBU to expect a cleaner family bathroom when staying with in-laws?

Dont stay there. I wouldn't expect to use someone else's towels

Is there soap?

If you were me, what would you do (or not do)? She has a tendency to react defensively to feedback

I wouldn't do anything except say 'Hey MIL, have you got a couple of towels we can use? Oh and I also I couldn't find any soap - where should I be looking?'

I wouldn't give 'feedback' or drop hints about making them tidy up because it's someone's house that you're staying in, not a hotel, and how tidy (or not) they choose to keep it is entirely up to them. Clothes piled up and sanitary towel wrappers aren't a hygiene issue. Sure, if it were me hosting I'd absolutely tidy up for guests and leave clean towels on their beds for them. But it's up to the host; these aren't people you're paying for a service. They're people who are doing you a favour by saving you the cost of a hotel.

Some people are gross. You can't fix that - you can just pay your way out of dealing with it if you want to. Sounds like staying at a hotel is the best solution, am not sure what else you want from this really - you aren't going to hint at her and she'll suddenly leap into the bathroom with the cleaning supplies. So either be up front about it, ignore it, leave or solve it yourself.

Imagine the response if the sexes were reversed. People would rightly be calling the brother lazy and no one would be telling the OP to pick up after him.

I'm with you OP and I do think it's disgusting that she leaves sanitary wrappers. While there is nothing shameful about periods, she would have handled the old pad that has been next to her genitals for hours before unwrapping the new one. If you trod on one by mistake the sticky bit would stick to your foot and trail it around the house or you could slip on one . Surely it takes a similar amount of effort to put them in the bin, why chuck them on the floor?

I wouldn't stay in future and I would be telling in laws why.

It's certainly grim, and not something I'd do if I had guests. But everyone is very different.

I'd probably either get my husband to ask for handsoap and a towel or sort my own.

Well I think it’s gross and I’d be judging. I also can’t stand nudging or being passive aggressive or anything like that so I’d just be happy to have saved the money off a hotel and I’d clean it myself and buy a cheap hand towel and some soap and scrub the place. I have a friend who has a disgusting bathroom and whenever it’s her turn to host I can’t help but feel a bit bleugh at the thought of needing the toilet while I’m there and having to go in there. I don’t get it. I also don’t get why people are always so defensive about being filthy 😂

Because literally everyone I know would find it mortifying if a guest felt they needed to clean the space they were staying in your home. More so if it was an in-law.

More to the point, any family I decided to marry in to would have that value

I don't go leaping around cleaning in other people's houses, but if I am staying anywhere and the bathroom isn't ok, I make it ok for myself. I do this in hospitals as well, take my own cleaning wipes in. No point in moaning about it.

I'm quite messy in the rest of the house, but dirty bathrooms are so grim. You can clean though with a bit of soap and some loo paper if you get truly desperate, like wiping the hairs up off the floor. Ask me how I know.

Gross. So she's not washing her hands after using the toilet?🤢

Why would you think that? This is not my experience at all. The likelihood here is that they don’t care/wouldn’t notice/think if OP wants it clean she should shut up and do it.

Passive aggressive act on her part will be interpreted as merely passive.

Well, some individuals enjoy resting in filthy environments ... 😂

Buying your own handwash and towel is beyond the pale. Your SiL is slothful.

At this point, the hotel is the better option!

Because she wants it cleaner and it will be more embarrassing for them if they know she did it.

Just go and buy a 50p bar of soap for you to use. Don’t create drama in the house which your MIL doesn’t need.

Evidently, certain individuals fail to understand how to cater to a guest.

I leave my bathrooms spotless for them to enjoy, as I like my friends and family to feel comfortable.

Personally I couldn’t bring myself to give much of a fuck about a wrapper and towel on the floor. I’d just grab some hand wash from the shop.
its a relatives house, not an air B&B

It's your PILs house, so for DH to sort.
DH to SIL or MIL "where do you keep the hand towels and soap for the bathroom?"
If your were not there what would DH do/say?

Is this an adult or a young person? If it’s the latter I’d be more inclined to think ‘teenagers!’ and just get on with it- pick up the papers (it’s only wrappers, not actual sanitary towels!), fetch a clean towel from wherever they are kept and ask for soap. The laundry wouldn’t bother me much.
Even if she’s an adult- yeah I’d have a bit of ick and wonder about her standards, but it does sound like mess rather than actual ‘dirt’ (like as in a dirty toilet and residue on the sink). I would think twice about staying again.

Ridiculous. Why should the daughter in law do it? The son if the family should do it.

Very strange to think the sister is normal. Maybe the posters are people who have grim bathrooms and therefore feel defensive ? If guests are coming, you clean the bathroom within an inch of its life. I actually like it because it gives me an incentive to do a deep clean.

I'm surprised by some of the responses. I would deep clean before having guests. I think its pretty rude not to.

Where is the chivalry?

Is cleaning a bathroom, alongside having hand wash, too much of an ask?

My goodness.

@Lavendar01 I agree. If guests are coming to stay you make some kind of effort. You don't expect them to manoeuvre round laundry, pick up sanitary wrappers or use wet and dirty towels. And you don't usually expect them to bring their own hand wash. But I'm so curious to know where your MIL washes herself. If there's only one bathroom and she never uses it, then what does she do? Does she wash in the kitchen sink?

I don't think much can be done on this visit, though, just clean it yourself and ask for handwash (or buy some).

It's pretty grotty to have wet towels and litter on the floor of a shared environment though, even if you are family.

I'd bear this in mind next time you visit and tell the truth if they ask why you don't want to stay.