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Original poster

To feel hurt and upset and not really understand what happened here

36 replies

Lambzig · 30/07/2026 10:01

I dated someone about four years ago for about six months. We always got on brilliantly and had lots of fun but it was too soon after my marriage had ended for me, I felt he was very enmeshed with his ex-wife still (subsequently he got back with her sort of) and we went our separate ways. We agreed that we would like to be try to be friends after a little while and after a few months had passed he got back in touch asking if I would like to go for lunch.

Since then we have met up around once a month, sometimes longer, go for lunch or a walk and nothing more. Probably text daily on a "what are you up to today" basis. We have talked about how much we value the friendship.

I started seeing someone about 18 months ago. Occasionally he or my friend's ex-wife join us for a walk, but most often it's just him and me. There hasn't been a problem with me seeing someone, or any jealousy like that.

At the weekend I went away and lost my phone for about 48 hours. Luckily it turned up and when I was reunited with it, later that evening, I texted him to say sorry I haven't been around and told him I had lost my phone.

He absolutely blew up at me, told me I was lying and when I explained how it had happened, said that he didnt believe me. He kept saying that he hated being lied to, that he had never known me to lose my phone before (well, yeah). I got a little angry and said that I was not responsible for what he chose to believe, but that I hoped we could talk this through.

He said there was no coming back from this, and has blocked me on everything. He seems to have deleted his WhatsApp account.

I am left completely confused, a bit hurt, but thinking that I have to accept he doesn't want to talk to me. I just don't know what happened and thats driving me crazy.

I am still a little angry, but I am upset. I just have to get over it don't I? And not contact him again.

OP posts:
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Muffsies · 30/07/2026 19:56

mondaytosunday · 30/07/2026 19:04

There’s not a friend in this planet I need to be in daily contact with! That’s a ridiculous overreaction

Indeed. The daily check-in texts is well ott, especially on top of regular meet-ups. The only reason i'd keep in such regular contact is if there was something major going on in thier life, like a serious medical investigation/treatment or a seriously ill family member. For some reason OP has become a crutch for her ex, i'm surprised that she doesn't seem to know why that might be.

mondaytosunday · 30/07/2026 19:04

There’s not a friend in this planet I need to be in daily contact with! That’s a ridiculous overreaction

Original poster
Lambzig · 30/07/2026 18:31

ginasevern · 30/07/2026 15:54

"I started seeing someone about 18 months ago. Occasionally he or my friend's ex-wife join us for a walk"

Do you mean the ex wife of the bloke that blew up at you, or the ex wife of the man you've been seeing for 18 months? Either way, why is their ex wife joining you both for walks?

I mean that sometimes his wife and my partner will join us for lunch or me and my partner have been round there for supper. We all get on well.

However, more usually it has been just him (friend) and I as neither of us work Mondays.

OP posts:
nomas · 30/07/2026 16:10

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

That is not normal behaviour.

Bananacrepewithnuts · 30/07/2026 16:03

Mygardenshedisfallingdown · 30/07/2026 10:33

Ex for a reason and unless you have kids there isn't often a good reason to stay in touch. He sounds over invested, possibly wanting a potential fwb and has got out of his pram because you aren't ready to drop your knickers again.

Yep.

Walk away it's a waste of time.

You have a partner and presumably have other friends you don't the stress.

X

ginasevern · 30/07/2026 15:54

"I started seeing someone about 18 months ago. Occasionally he or my friend's ex-wife join us for a walk"

Do you mean the ex wife of the bloke that blew up at you, or the ex wife of the man you've been seeing for 18 months? Either way, why is their ex wife joining you both for walks?

OnlyUsername · 30/07/2026 15:14

Lambzig · 30/07/2026 12:59

It's interesting that several people are saying we had too much contact. I am friends with a couple of ex's, so is my current partner. I have never had a problem with that (obviously I also have ex's that I would never want to talk to again) and neither would he. There was certainly no pull to maintain the romantic side of things for me.

But yes, perhaps it was an excuse to cut me off.

I am always pulled to try and find out more when something like this has happens, but at best it was unkind of him, and I need to accept he no longer wants to talk to me.

I don't speak to/message anyone daily except my husband. Not even my mum, who I get on with and love dearly. I think leaving him to it is best, as you say!

Mymsy · 30/07/2026 15:11

He’s unstable. Protect yourself and keep away.

Original poster
Lambzig · 30/07/2026 15:01

Thank you for all your responses, some of which have made me laugh about this for the first time. And also quietened my impulse to try and fix things.

He has had a bit of a flounce with me before, but never blocked me before.

I think I will just be able to let it go. It seems like thats for the best sadly.

OP posts:
Muffsies · 30/07/2026 14:31

Lambzig · 30/07/2026 12:59

It's interesting that several people are saying we had too much contact. I am friends with a couple of ex's, so is my current partner. I have never had a problem with that (obviously I also have ex's that I would never want to talk to again) and neither would he. There was certainly no pull to maintain the romantic side of things for me.

But yes, perhaps it was an excuse to cut me off.

I am always pulled to try and find out more when something like this has happens, but at best it was unkind of him, and I need to accept he no longer wants to talk to me.

If there are no hints as to why this happened and it's bever hapoened before, then sonething is clearly going on with him. Maybe it's a mental health struggle that he's been hiding, or someone else has let him down badly and he's taking it out on you. You're obviously not going to get an answer to that unless he tells you.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if he appears again in six months wanting to resume the friendship. He'll either tell you what it was all about then, or he'll lie to make up a more synpathetic reason. I wouldn't mind betting in the latter, because he obviously keeps part of his life hidden from you - hence why you are always kept at arm's length, yet he needs you on some emotional level.

anonymoususer9876 · 30/07/2026 14:22

Lambzig · 30/07/2026 12:59

It's interesting that several people are saying we had too much contact. I am friends with a couple of ex's, so is my current partner. I have never had a problem with that (obviously I also have ex's that I would never want to talk to again) and neither would he. There was certainly no pull to maintain the romantic side of things for me.

But yes, perhaps it was an excuse to cut me off.

I am always pulled to try and find out more when something like this has happens, but at best it was unkind of him, and I need to accept he no longer wants to talk to me.

It’s not that you’re in contact with exes. For some people that works fine.
It’s the intensity of daily contact and expectation of your availability. So that if he doesn’t have that, he gets angry. That’s not ok. You have no responsibility to him or him to you.

StandFirm · 30/07/2026 14:15

I don't understand people who expect others to be online and ready to respond to any incoming messages immediately. It's utterly draining. Friendships don't require that level of involvement. You meet up with and you support your friends if they need you - to me that's what friendship is for- but I'd take a massive step back from anyone who felt entitled to my undivided attention to that extent. It's bizarre! Be relieved you don't have such a weirdo in your life.

MauriceTheMussel · 30/07/2026 14:00

Well, obviously he’s in love with you so no real friendship can be had.

If I’m totally wrong, he’s a petulant fucker and who could be arsed with that?

Friendlygingercat · 30/07/2026 13:52

Your friend sounds like he had real MH issues. Not only did he berate you for the missing 48 hours but accused you of lying and threw all his toys out of the pram. I think you dodged a bullet there.

Ive got a friend (with whom I have a platonic relationship because they are gay) whom I phone most days and I| see about once a week. I cant envisage someone blowing up at me because I "lost" my phone for 24-48 hours and didn't ring them,. Sometimes I leave it in another room or upstairs. I have mobility issues so I'm not going to troll up and down just to make/receive a call.

Boreded · 30/07/2026 13:33

Well he basically stripped down naked and just came out wearing his red flag didn’t he

Seems like a lucky escape to me.

Pssedoffathis · 30/07/2026 13:13

I actually think it’s super weird to stay friends with an ex, unless they were a friend before you dated like a childhood friend who you dated as teens for example. But otherwise, what is the point. Just block now and move on with your life. I would suspect he had you in his mind as on the back burner. And why would 48 hours be an issue for not speaking to someone. My friends I speak to sometimes daily, sometimes it can go six months without contact, it’s never an issue. And not an issue if someone asks a question and the other person doesn’t answer for a few weeks. Daily contact with an ex is super wierd and dependant. I think you should think about why that was actually happening. Friends don’t have to speak daily. It’s not very normal to have such a huge amount of contact even with a close friend. To the point where if you don’t speak to them for 48 hours they blow up like that.

Original poster
Lambzig · 30/07/2026 12:59

It's interesting that several people are saying we had too much contact. I am friends with a couple of ex's, so is my current partner. I have never had a problem with that (obviously I also have ex's that I would never want to talk to again) and neither would he. There was certainly no pull to maintain the romantic side of things for me.

But yes, perhaps it was an excuse to cut me off.

I am always pulled to try and find out more when something like this has happens, but at best it was unkind of him, and I need to accept he no longer wants to talk to me.

OP posts:
GeorgeMichaelsCat · 30/07/2026 12:49

Might have used this 'incident' as a reason to end the friendship for whatever reason.

OnlyUsername · 30/07/2026 12:48

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/07/2026 10:42

Daily contact and a monthly meet up, it sounds like you both had one foot out of your relationships, probably for the best it’s done now.

This is way, waaaaaay too much for an ex. I'm surprised your current partner was so trusting because it seems he was (and maybe you were) quite dependent on the constant contact.

SereneFinch · 30/07/2026 12:23

He sounds very odd. This is not normal behaviour from a friend. I would be taking a massive step back.

whippersnapper55 · 30/07/2026 12:18

Blimey, he sounds a bit unhinged! A friend who blows up at you and calls you a liar is not a friend at all. You're allowed to be not in contact for 48 hours, even if you hadn't lost your phone!

If I were you, I'd leave him blocked. Nobody needs that sort of drama llama in their life!

Original poster
Lambzig · 30/07/2026 12:00

Thank you. Yes it's the ex-boyfriend who blew up at me. Current partner is lovely and was fine with the friendship.

I didn't think there was any undercurrents or issues in our friendship, so this has rather blindsided me, its just so bizarre. He was very encouraging when I met my current boyfriend and told me to go for it. I think any desire on his part to be with me or a fwb situation would have come out before now.

But yes you are right - I just need to move on. I don't make friends that easily so it feels a big loss right now.

OP posts:
Lisheenss · 30/07/2026 10:55

Time to move on.
His reaction is unhinged and you do not want to be around that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/07/2026 10:42

Daily contact and a monthly meet up, it sounds like you both had one foot out of your relationships, probably for the best it’s done now.

ldnmusic87 · 30/07/2026 10:41

I wouldn't stay friends with him at all, his relationships all sound very toxic.