To not pay their air fare

As POA you have a responsibility to manage their money in their best interests, and to ensure they have secure long term care, especially as their needs may increase further. In your shoes I would outline your position very clearly and then perhaps say that you could cover the niece’s flight so she could spend some time with him but it would be financially irresponsible to extend this generosity further.

How often did she actually spend time with/visit him last time? I suspect they'd barely visit the care home this time, or not at all.

If you don't pay for the other nieces and nephews that's a very good precedent.

I'd do it this year and stop when your dad can't recognize them anymore. It's his money, and he can afford it and would like it. Reassess next year.

Regular gifts out of income - which it sounds like this is - are also exempt and don’t count towards the £3k

I would pay this year definitely, whilst your dp’s still recognize them, this is for their benefit not the cousins. , who knows what next yer will bring.

The situation looks clear to me. Your DF does not have capacity. As POA you must only spend his money to benefit him. Therefore you cannot pay large sums (£!K is a large sum) for relatives to visit from abroad - which benefits them rather than your DF.
Set up Facetime or similar for him to talk to them abroad on one of your visits to the care home.
And sympathies on your situation, and the stress of dealing with it.

Not true. Patterns of gifting established whilst making decisions on one’s own finances may be continued by the attorney.

Forget about your cousin and if you are managing their money fgs look into Care Annuity's to cover their care home fees.

Surely in that event you can say you can't use DF's funds for his fare? It's not as if DF will get any pleasure from seeing your cousin's husband.

I think I'd do this year what your Dad did in the past, tho I definitely wouldn't have them stay in your house. I don't think I'd tell them till after they're gone home from visit that it maybe the last one, in case, however unlikely, if as you seem to say your father is still quite lucid, that they upset him by telling him you're stopping them visiting again etc.

I do think tho as previous posters have said you may need legal advice to protect yourself, especially as you are happy to keep their money going to your DS.

She's said that he's been determined not to have capacity and that she has POA.

I wouldn't be using funds from parents who are in a care home for air fares for others - even if that would give them joy. I know from experience how costs in care home can mount up. Especially if the care level increases as more nursing is needed over time. If DH or someone wants to buy the air fare then I wouldn't have an issue, but I'd save parents funds for their actual care. You never know what they will need..

If the parent whose money it is has all their faculties, it's entirely up to them.

If they do not, and you have POA, then you can't do it. Your role is to use their money in their best interests, which may not always be what they themselves would have chosen to do.

Either you respect your DFs wishes and keep paying for things he would have paid for, or you conserve money for care fees. You shouldn't have one rule for his DN and one rule for your DC. Not paying for the flights to save money while still using your DFs money to fund your DCs uni doesn't sit right with me at all.

I think this needs to be fact checked as it's a really important point. My understanding is that in England, as in Scotland as @Jellycatspyjamas said, your role with POA is explicitly not to spend the money in the person's best interests, but as they themselves would have chosen to do before they lost capacity. If you think your father would have chosen to pay for the flights, the default starting position should be paying for the flights. If you decide not to, the justification would be that if he had capacity to understand the risks around deprivation of assets, full capacity him would decide not to pay for these flights even as a one off this year. With quite a lot still in the bank and regarding a relationship he values, I think that might be a bit of a push.

In practice I think the compromise position if offering a set amount lower amount and perhaps saying this is the last time would be ok. But if he would still get joy from seeing them, then depriving him of that while he has the money to make it happen is arguably quite thorny too. In very old age in a care home there is nothing as valuable as family visits.

Does your DF have capacity? If he does, he can do whatever he likes with his money, even if you think it unwise. If he doesn't and you have POA, you need to be able to demonstrate that spending this money is in DF's best interests.

I have POA DF has been determined not to have capacity and DM can’t really communicate so effectively I have been managing their bank accounts for the past year.

So it is up to you to manage the money in their best interests. It is a huge responsibility isn't it, with a lot of hard decisions to make. The priority is paying for care. Gifts which have previously been set up can continue but the flights and the allowance are pretty big gifts.

Of course if your parents die within the next few years it won't 'matter', noone will know about it. It's only if SS step in and you have to justify the gifts.

It's always impossible to predict the future with care needs, you don't know how long someone will live, or how much care costs will increase.

My mother had money for 8 years of self-funding and I was sure she would not outlive her funds. But she did, and needed 18 months of SS funding. I did not give out any gifts, both because I was paranoid about deprivation of assets, and also wanted to do all I could to avoid her being dependant on SS.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Your parents' money now needs to be prioritised for their care, and that's a very different situation from when they were living independently. Care costs can be unpredictable, and eight years is only an estimate, so I'd be cautious about making ongoing gifts. If your cousin genuinely wants to see your dad, I'd expect her to understand that circumstances have changed. I probably wouldn't offer to pay before they've even asked. If they do raise it, you can simply explain that your parents' finances are now being managed with their long-term care in mind. If you still wanted to help, a smaller contribution would be a kind gesture rather than an expectation, but I don't think you should feel obliged to fund the whole trip just because it's happened in the past.

I think you’re being a bit mean.
it’s your parents’ money; they’ve always paid until now; and their visit would bring your DF joy.
pay for the flights. And not just a contribution unless that’s what your DF would typically do.
it’s not your money.

I think you should carry on your father's wishes while he is able to recognise her and get enjoyment from her visit and this may be the last time he is able to do so. So offer to pay at least for the flight for her this year, the husband should pay for his own.

If the money is invested and you are renting out their home it should take care of increases in care home fees. Claim disability benefits if your parents would qualify for them.

If they can afford it at the minute and it was something DF had clearly expressed he wanted when he had capacity , I would honour that this year. But review on a year to year basis if care needs exceed finances

But I wouldn’t be hosting the disruptive couple!

I've seen your replies but I too would offer a booked flight and accommodation (if you wanted) for just her. DF would get joy from seeing her and I would explain this is the last time (if at all) he will see her and possibly recognise her. Having extra people visiting etc. isn't in the best interests of your DPs anymore or you with them both being in care. But you are respecting your DFs wants too that he loves and cares for this niece and she him.
If she understands she likely won't see him again she can accept the singular flight and accommodation, or DF covers just the flight and they pay for both accommodation and her DHs flights too.
Basically the funds don't stretch to both of them, you do not have to tell her anymore than that.

I haven’t RTFT but I would pay this time, and see if your father recognises them and gets pleasure from the visit. If there’s enough money for eight years’ of care fees x 2 the cost, even if £4k including accommodation, is going to equate to less than 2 weeks’ care. Eight years hence I cannot see that anyone is going to home in on this visit and accuse you of deprivation of assets.

I think it's OK to say no to paying for the air fare, your parents need that money for care now, and you shouldn't have to accommodate people in your home who disrupt your life. I'd maybe make them aware they can't stay with you which I presume they know as they asked about b and b . They could google for this info by the way instead of asking for recommendations.