To not pay their air fare

Not sure i agree with this - her aging parents have dementia and are vulnerable. Offers to fund trips proceeding their health and mental decline should be considered rescinded. If @rookiemere has a living POA, I’m afraid I wold be contacting that cousin to update and state that funding for trips will no longer be available as all monies must now be directed into parent’s long term care.

If they have a problem with it, then they really are CFs.

I know you'll hate the answer but if your DP would want them to visit and a precedent has been established thenni think your dad's choice qould be covering airfare and accommodation if you can't take them in.

Shitty, but POA means making the choice your family would make, even if you think its a bad one.

If they run out of care money at those ages and stages of illness then its unlikely they will be moved so better to spend the money as your parents would have and let them have the joy of it.

Having said that, id be gritting my teeth over it.

If he’s 92, he’s unlikely to last 8 years. Let him see his family.

I think it's really harsh of you to not contribute when your DF has chosen to pay for them every other year and you clearly state it would bring him joy to see him. Especially when you are still giving regular amounts to your children.

You've no obligation to offer any nights of accommodation with you. I'd not offer that at all.

It sounds like the trip would be a nice thing for your DF. I don't know the ins and outs of POA guidelines but if it's acceptable then I would, as a last one.

Exactly this. You need the money for care home fees, no way should it be going on flights, that is very dodgy.

You are allowed to give £3K (in the UK) to a relative annually, please check the rules if there’s a standing order to your ds.

Think you need to get legal advice regarding this as you don't want to get landed with a bill later down the line regarding misappropriation of assets. That way you're covered all round and have a genuine need to refuse paying for your cousins free trips.

If it's something your father has always done and you think he would take joy from seeing them, then I would absolutely pay on this occasion.

Its unlikely to be seen as deprivation of assets if theres a historic pattern of him paying and it sounds based on you saying there's enough funds to cover years worth of care for both parents, there must be hundreds of thousands? I highly doubt the LA are going to come down on hard or even notice £1000 missing from what sounds like half a million and I think any justification on that part is just an excuse not to pay. And as already been said, if you are concerned about it, that justification would equally to funding your son.

That being said, I would be tempted to set out now that the circumstances have changed and your parents money now needs to be spent on care fees. I would therefore ask them to book flights asap for this year before prices increase and also make them aware that future years may be difficult to fund. I think that's a reasonable compromise.

You need to put your foot down.

Along the lines of 'Thanks for your message. Currently though we cannot house and feed you all due to our present situation but feel free to book a local Airbnb or hotel, DPs are living at X care home and I can speak to the staff about visiting times etc. Let me know what you decide.'

The arrangement with his niece also predates your father losing capacity, and I think you know if the decision was his he’d want to pay for them to come over. It’s not your money, it’s his money partly to pay for things that will bring him pleasure. To pay for them is consistent with his last known wishes and while you think it’s too much, he clearly didn’t.

Its not a good look to not pay for things you know he would want, while continuing to benefit your son on the basis that that was a pre-existing arrangement while having an eye to your child’s potential inheritance.

Sorry, just seen the husband is intent on coming. That makes it easier to say no.

What a tone deaf pair they are.

I wouldn’t pay for their flights, i would explain their money goes on care fees and unfortunately they don’t have the funds to pay for their flights anymore.

Bringing her whole family for a long holiday at someone else's expense and then being a bad houseguest is absolutely CF territory. Her siblings should have had a word with her years ago.

No one would blame you if you told the niece there were no more funds. Becuase it's the truth.

The compromise I would consider is if the niece came on her own for a very short time purely to visit your parents.

Thats his problem, not yours. Offer to pay the £1k towards her airfare and accommodation. Make it clear that thats the limit, that they cant stay with you, and also that this is one last time so that he can see her while he still has some capacity. If it will bring him joy in the moment i think thats the right thing to do, how they use the £1k is up to them. If they have enough money for 8 years of dual care home fees 1k to see a favoured relative for the last time is a drop in the ocean and a perfectly appropriate use of his money.

Well that's her and her husband's problem to work out isn't it.

Your offer is she can come over as the purpose of the visit is to see your dad.

I think if your DP have always paid and no prior conversation has been had about not paying, you can't wait until they ask, that's not fair. If your DF would benefit from the visit and it's likely to be the last time he does, I would be paying, but for her only, and with an honest conversation that you can't pay for future trips.

I think it’s your responsibility to act in your father’s best interests - if he wants to see them, a contribution to help make that happen is the right thing to do. Agree with you that a fixed amount is better for all the reasons you said.

I am actually more concerned about the money going to your son. Make sure there’s no issue there, particularly if you’re in charge of the finances and making decisions to benefit your own child. Of course it’s awful what the stress of caring has done to you, it’s relentless and exhausting - but I don’t think there’s necessarily a case to pay yourself back via payments to your son. I would get some advice on this before you create a new problem you’ll need to solve.

If that's the case and you carry on forking out to indulge them, then I suspect the Court of Protection might take a dim view so be careful, won't you?

Are you recording the money you are giving your son and reporting them to the OPG? Have you looked at the rules around gifting?

I came on to suggest exactly the same. OP - offering to pay for a flight for the one blood relative not her entire entourage seems to me to be fair and entirely within the spirit of POA.

I assume she is of sound mind and abilities and can manage travel like an adult.

I would take advice from Age Concern or similar as it could be classed as depravation of assets or elder abuse.

Could you blame finances for only being able to afford an airfare for your cousin and not her husband. This would solve several problems!

I wouldn’t risk it. Honestly. Using his money to pay for a nieces holiday is really iffy, I know you could argue that it was something he has shown he wanted, but his circumstances have now changed. He’s in a care home and he and his wife will need their money to fund their care. I think if it ever got flagged with the OPG or social care you would be under a lot of stress and scrutiny about why you thought it was appropriate to gift such a large amount