Sick of my wife’s temper

I don't know if you know this but firstly if you travel to a destination the road goes both ways, you can travel back.

Also if you've ever been a parent without a sahp in your family you'll know that you absolutely can leave work for a kid based emergency. I've had to swing out of some pretty hairy situations because a child was in hospital or whatever. It happens.

If he legitimately thinks his child is in danger he lets his boss know there's a family emergency and he makes arrangements to go home. Same as I would or any mother would be expected to in that situation

Have you ever considered she may have postpartum depression? Yes behaviour like this is inexcusable but she's clearly in need of a break and support mentally and physically! I know very well what it looks like being ADHD dealing with an audhd child she's only human and so is he more childcare and breathing space and support from a GP. Because borderline personality disorder can actually very well be autism and ADHD !! I was diagnosed as emotionally dysregulated and I'm now on the autism pathway so yeah 👍🏽 little more empathy would be nice

Maybe it's time to consider some childcare? Even if she's not ready to go back to work having some time off is needed when you are hormonal drained in many ways then 1 I found placing my children in a nursery from around 15 month extremely beneficial for them in regards to socialising and learning, a d a break for her! Look into what early years funding you can get a lot of babies and kids get funding now.

@Velumental Well he physically can't if he is away? With work.

Yep, 2 hour set up for a 40 minute workout just to try to retain some sanity

My point is that op is saying oh she goes to the gym, however not specifying that he isn't parenting when she does that. When is he parenting is the question.

@Velumental But isn't that a part of being a ft SAHM? Making those arrangements?

Plus it is usually very time limited, meaning your actual time in the gym is spent rushing and clock watching.

Such a patronizing point by the way. Are men expected to find sports clubs that offer childcare? To organise the kids before they take them WITH them for their hobby? To decide which classes fit around bedtimes etc. if she's going to the gym several times a week and he's working crazy long hours and she's doing all the bedtimes then she's going to the gym in the day and making the arrangements to allow for that. That's additional work in itself.

It's not the same as leaving the kids at home. When I go to the gym and take the kids I need to get them ready, sort their water bottles and snack, have them with me in the car, get safely across the carpark, get there in time to settle them in creche and inevitably get interrupted to make 1 or both to the toilet.

On the days my husband's at home. I just throw my gym gear on and walk out of the house. No additional stress at all.

@Velumental I thought so. So childcare in essence? Time for mum.

Working long hours & going away for work are just your excuses for your lack of contribution to the household and parenting duties.

Sometimes I think there needs to be an explainer for MN commenters that 'work' is required for something called a 'salary'; this 'salary' takes the form of 'money', which can be exchanged for goods and services. These goods and services will very often be 'food', 'electricity', and 'rent'. This concept of 'work' often requires you to be certain places at certain times.

All the 'stepping up' in the world won't feed your family.

By you dodging the question, I would assume you do fuck all bedtimes, fuck all dinners, and fuck all laundry.

its been 6 weeks. He’s been off the breast for several weeks before that. Daytime napping doesn’t make up for lost sleep in the day. It can actually contribute to feeling more fatigued and groggy.

but with all obvious pearls of wisdom you’ve given do you think she hasn’t tried that.

for me the gym is about that endorphin hit more than fitness. I go every morning because if I don’t I have unproductive days. She should definitely go to the gym and possibly should do so more than just a couple of times a week. Because 1 she gets a break 2. Exercise is such a powerful antidepressant.

as for man hatred. I 95% stick up for men on this platform. I’ve been in this woman shoes. My toddler slept from 7.30 - 10pm, then was up at 12,2,4 and anytime after 6pm he woke that was it for the day. He fought every nap, every bedtime & every time I’d try and sooth him back to sleep. only happy if he knew he wasn’t going back into his toddler bed. I had 6 weeks of this and I was done in. I wanted out my marriage because the thought of a couple of nights sleep if he was at his dad’s would mean I might survive. I don’t look back at that time fondly. I still to this day get angry about my husband in that time.

6 weeks. Isn’t a short time to go without sleep. 🤪

I've only read some of the first replied but I'm so glad to see that people are saying this woman needs help

Unless you have done a lot of night shifts with the baby/toddler back to back you have no idea how hard it is.

Especially the bedtime routine when you finally think they are down and then they wake up . It can be frustrating

This woman needs help not someone ranting about her anger

To be fair, I was also thinking this. I, and a great many other women are diagnosed later, often because we can no longer mask due to hormonal changes (and yes stopping bf is one) plus having a small child is so overstimulating at times.

FFS, this has only arisen in the last few weeks since the toddler was weaned off breast milk. If she can find time to go to the gym, she can have a daytime bloody nap, or go to bet early after putting her child to sleep for a few nights…. Just like the rest of us did when our toddlers were having sleep blips.

She is a SAHM mother of ONE child. She needs to speak to a HV to get some strategies to get him back to sleeping through - as he was doing until recently. And she needs to curb her temper and behaviour - or get help if she can’t.

And… Just why would you start ungrounded sex pestering accusations?

The extreme man-hatred on this site is beyond comprehension and utterly off the scale.

A weekend away isn't enough to solve her sleep deprivation. It may even have contributed to her exhaustion. I really hope you didn't pester her for sex during this time.

It really does sound like you're not doing anywhere near enough. Working long hours & going away for work are just your excuses for your lack of contribution to the household and parenting duties.

Your wife is at the end of her tether and instead of giving her practical support, you're judging her.

You don't want to seem to step up, you'd rather criticise and blame your wife when she's at a very low point right now.

He's the one asking for advice yet the only advice he is asking for is how to make his wife, who he has left in charge of his child, work on her anger.

While he's away and she's at home parenting alone.

Either he's worried for his child in which case why is he leaving his child with an abusive parent? That's what we'd say if a woman asked this.

Or he's annoyed she's not happily doing everything and he's having to step in occasionally when the poor chap has a job (I'd like to be clear I work full time with children, I'm not predisposed to be on the side of a sahm because I am one or anything, I absolutely think there's more equality in both working and both parenting)

If a mum went to a work trip and left her child with a man she thought was being abusive she'd be told to go home and get her child. Why aren't we telling him that?

My gym has a creche, it's adjoined, you can see them and they can see you, it's staffed. It's only during certain classes and you pay extra.

Genuine question...can you take a baby to the gym? What does the baby do whilst mum is working out etc?

Any reasonable father still parents his child outside of his paid working hours, which if they wake in the night includes sometimes dealing with that.

I couldn't nap in the day as my eldest, terrible sleeper, also only slept when feeding. (Has a diagnosed sleep disorder now) Or when pushed fast in a buggy or when desparation kicked in when breastfed while walking in a baby carrier. When I say I tried everything I tried everything. My youngest I cuddled then popped in her msoes baskets and she drifted off. This idea mums can sleep when babies sleep. When do we clean the house? Make the meals for ourselves and the child? If Dad is supportive and goes to 50/50 once he's home then yeah she can sleep while baby sleeps. It doesn't sound like he does much.

No it’s not - I find it that like many other people. Just because you like it does not mean most do - what do you think is the hardest/worst job?