Sick of my wife’s temper

I have suggested home start for that reason.

I didn't have a network - we weren't near family - they weren't supportive anyway - and we moved in first pg to compeltly new area - moved just after birth with second then again aroung 8 months later.

Each time I had to go out and find a network lessons, toddler groups and children centers - it was hard but I knew I needed the structure of having somewhere to go and be and the interactions with other adults.

Most posters are suggesting more support - check she actually well and then try and give her more time/space to sleep or be.

If however she always been angry and prone to outbusts - then frankly not sure there is much to be done because having a child was never going to change that and always likely to be a stressor - parenting classes might help as might anger management but if that how she deals with stress shouting and door slaming not sure why this wasn't considered before kids - I don't think it's ideal parenting.

If you are actually worried about child saftey ie you fear your child may be phycially hurt - you can't work away even if needed by job - parental leave in short term possibly - and you need to be taking things way more seriously that means raising issue with someone official - HV or GP or even SS.

Cheeseandolivesplease

As the child in this scenario then I beg and plead he takes the child away from her.

@HenLen "literally tortured" with a toddler doing normal toddler things (again, they have been sleeping through for the last year and this is phase whit started a few weeks ago) weekends away, regular outings to the gym, a husband who works because she CHOOSES to stay home. Those prisoners of war don't realise how good they have it compared to some, do they??

Are you ok ? You sound so full of venom and you are making elaborate presumptions based on a small number of posts the op has made . This must be the third time you have mentioned “nice comfy bed “

Fgs she is an adult she needs to say it if she is not able to cope . Seriously. Single mothers manage full on toddlers. It’s like you think this woman has zero responsibility for what is going on. She is a fully grown adult woman and a parent

@HenLen You are pulling my chain now!
"His wife is being tortured".
Yeah, how exactly?!!!!
Perhaps if things are so awful for her they should separate. In fact, I think they should 😀
Are you married? In a relationship with a man? No - your hate of all men is clear.
My favourite part of your post is: "Mens tempers are legendary" when it is the wife screaming and shouting.at the child and banging doors!! 😄

@FairKoala I totally agree, havng lived it as a younger woman. It will only get worse. I think unless things improve and wife gets help then it's time to separate.

I don't think it's as simple as that. You may have missed the bit where he says his wife has always had an awful temper and has admitted that she needs to seek help for anger management - that IS her normal baseline, which is not a good baseline for bringing up a young child. And no, not all parents shout at their child for waking up. Mine didn't sleep through until they started school, but I never ever shouted at them.

Nah. You really hate women don't you?!!

So a mother who is being literally tortured and left on her own with an "extremely full on" toldder is - just as you would be - shouting down the phone to her husband who called her from his nice comfy bed and woke the child, then got on here to verbally abuse her.

He's not frightened for his child, of course, not remotely - or he'd be on the way home. He's just sick of her behaving like he would (actually he'd be far worse, most likely, men's tempers are legendary) or like you very definitely would if you hadn't slept for weeks and been left on your own with a chaotic kid.

The whole problem can be sorted by him doing two days of parenting and letting her sleep and rest with zero parenting duties then getting some extra help in, one way or another. He can organise that with her, since he's a parent too.

And, of course, if he can't manage two full days of parenting he's a lazy, selfish arsehole - that's just standard parenting.

He doesn't have to go home because his wife will be fine and so will his kid - that's why he's not going to go home. It's either he's so worried he has to, or he doesn't have to and he's chosen not, so that's how we know there's nothing to actually worry about.

But he doesn't get to whine and snivel about her behaving in exactly the same way you definitely would in the same circumstances and then have his boots licked. Except on mumsnet, which hates women.

You obviously haven’t lived with someone with anger issues. This would be like waving a red rag at a bull.

You are thinking that doing more would mean less rage. That’s not how it works

It might sound easy to say “do more” or “help out without being asked” But that just produces even more anger

I have a theory that the anger comes in the form of justified martyrdom.
These people don’t want you to help because if you did help it would mean they wouldn’t be able to scream and shout about how lazy you are or for any other reason.

Chances are they would pick holes in how “badly” you did the job so they would have to do it again even though there was nothing wrong with the job you did .

The dw might be tired so apparently that justifies screaming and shouting and slamming doors on a small child but what about the rest of her life up till now. What was wrong with her then.

Posters are fixated on this one example. The reaction to the circumstances given isn’t from a normally happy mum who has got to the point of exhaustion
This is the reaction of someone who is practised in this type of response to anything that upsets them.

If you had ever lived with a person who has anger as a default setting and you have lived in that state of high anxiety because you know just one word, one action will set them off, you can see the difference. It is subtle but it’s there

MN really hates men, doesn't it?!!
So a mother is behaving like this towards her child but of course it is the husband's fault. In fact, let's go as far as to call him abusive!!
Despite the fact that:
It is his wife screaming and shouting at the young child, slamming doors etc. Not him.
He is the sole earner and currently working away from home. He called to check-in when he was away.
He has spoken to his wife about her possible return to work but she doesn't want to do that; she continues to chose to be a SAHM.
He has said he does share the childcare as much as he can when home, but wife often does not allow him to
She's not exactly sleep deprived; OP said child has been sleeping through until recently.
I am an older mum with a 6 yo (45). Absolutely hand on heart, no word of a lie, she has not slept anywhere near a full night in her life. We also bedshare and I work in a very challenging role. So yes, I do feel qualified to know what sleep deprivation looks like.
So why doesn't he just go home? Perhaps because he understands the consequences here of putting his job on the line. I doubt this is the first time wife has behaved like this; he can't just go home every time..
The beat thing I think OP can do is suggest his wife gets some anger management help ASAP. If things don't improve he can separate and ask for at leaat 50/50 shared care in court. Of course he will have to reduce hours/find another job to do this, but this is of course achievable. If 50/50 or more is granted there is no maintenance due and of course his ex-wife no longer remains his financial responsibility. She will have to work.
Additionally, if there are genuine concerns mother is an unsafe parent due to her historic behaviour then of course that will also be factored in and care for her on this basis may be reduced/supervised.

You sound like you just hate men to be quite honest . Your opinion is so full of bias it’s not really worth considering seriously

The op stated his wife has always had a temper...

Nah. If he was even scared for his kid, he'd go home.

He's ether he's worried for his kid, or he's not.

He's not.

He's just annoyed his wife isn't being a Stepford wife and coping with a circumstance he could not cope with, you could not cope with and nobody could actually cope with without being frazzled, melting down and shouting.

Everyone, definitely including you, would be shouting after weeks of no sleep and left alone with an extremely full on child (his words).

The actual physical safety of his wife is under threat. No sleep is an actual torture. He knows this, he put nothing in place, didn't try to help, but left her alone.

And now he's here pretending he's worried, when in fact he's just angry, but with far less reason than his wife.

I'm not a handmaiden for emotionally abusive men who slag their wives off for no reason while they snuggle down into their nice comfy hotel bed for a cosy night of full, uninterrupted sleep.

So if his solution to his wife shouting because she's hysterically exhausted - just as you would be shouting, and he would be shouting - is to do absolutely nothing but moan about it on mumsnet, fine. She'll live. I don't waste himpathy on men who slag their wives off out of pure spite and anger.

Send her away for 2 nights on her own as a reset. Tell her to think about what hobby she would like to pursue when she comes back as you'll support her to access it so she has time for herself and can get some of her identity back.

Step in for your child if you have genuine worries she is shouting/getting angry more than is acceptable. Be at home while she is struggling and don't work away. Buy her some earplugs so she can sleep while you cover a few nights of night wakings and bedtimes per week and tag team parenting as much as possible over the coming weeks until sleep regression settles.

That's what I would suggest after losing my mind with sleep regressions when my children were toddlers. It was an absolute relief to go back to my extreme pressure, life-or-death job as it felt piss easy compared to being at home. Not okay to take any extreme anger out on a toddler though so separate them and get her help if you're reaching this level.

I suspect that OP hasn't come back because the situation with his wife simply cannot be fixed from afar.

Yes of course he should go home. It is not acceptable to take no action to protect your child when you are a parent.

I would be interested to know how often OP has to work away and when he started working away.

If we have to play the tiresome "if a woman posted..." game, a few weeks ago a mum posted asking whether she should take a promotion that required her to work away 1 night each week and she was strongly discouraged by plenty of posters. Women do not get to opt out of parenting just because they work. The majority of mums do work.

If he was that ‘worried’ and not merely just putting her down, he would absolutely raking unpaid leave to ensure the safety of his child.

Yes it's so simple, he just leaves and goes home, that will have absolutely no consequences for his job which is their only source of income. FFS.

Also, my son is now almost 7 and has additional needs - I know exactly how long term sleep deprivation feels like. I have also been working part time since he was 18 months old. I don't go around screaming at him and slamming doors.

All little kids go through phases of bad sleep (and this is a phase because previously they've been sleeping through for at least a year) She's a sahm mum who goes to the gym and has recently had a weekend away.

I'm not saying this isn't a hard phase but she needs to learn to control her anger (if this was a man everyone would agree) and people saying "you stay home and she can go to work for a break" are being willfully naive and simplistic.

Don’t be ridiculous this is not a heightened aggressive response it’s a perfectly rational and reasonable response to hearing about someone shouting and losing their temper at a toddler and banging doors. Would love to see your response if the sexes on this post were reversed I bet your sympathy would not be the same . I do not feel sorry for this woman . We have all been sleep deprived . We don’t all yell at our babies like that .

And yet, he hasn't even gone home, has he.
A mother posting on here would be torn to shreds for such a lack of action.

I don't trust the OP at all. His thread title wasn't Worried about my child, it was Sick of my wife's temper.

He has posted on here to ask a group of women how to get his wife to function better without making even the smallest effort himself, like doing some bedtimes and overnights or telling his boss that he has to go home.

He cites a weekend away a few weeks ago as a reason that she shouldn't be tired. I really hope your wife has some family in her life that she can reach out to @Seriouslyworrieddad to come and look after her and the child so that she can get some sleep.

Perhaps she should move to where she has some support.

take some unpaid leave and be a decent human being.

Because if you do this then money fairies magically appear and pay your bills for you.

If his needs are to sleep then yes, take over at least some of the night shifts so he can sleep.

If he isn't doing all the nights for your child and his needs are actually wants then your situation isn't the same.

Don’t be facetious.

If you are being genuinely being abused call women’s aid today.

If your dh is on his last legs, after two years of no sleep and mentally and physically exhausted to the point of breaking down - take some unpaid leave and be a decent human being.