Sick of my wife’s temper

It sounds like she’s really struggling and you’re not taking this seriously, calling & waking house up is hugely insensitive and in a sleep deprived person will feel so personal and possibly lead to an overreaction. Take a few days off and help out, she obviously needs sleep, a reset and space to think about what’s going on, all this can’t be done while sleep deprived.

She sounds like she’s not coping. Verbally abusing children is not ok. Especially when they are doing normal children things like waking at night.
you need to go home.
look after the children for a few days and send her away to a nice hotel for a few days.
when she comes back have a chat about changes that can be made. Can you sleep with the toddler at night so she gets undisturbed sleep for a while until she feels better.

I’m sorry but this is not ok.

You’re seriously implying that if women ensured their partners were well rested, well fed and calm - they’ll be a lot less angry??

That sounds like something out of the 1920s when it was acceptable for a man to beat his wife for not having dinner on the table.

I’m sure OP is also stressed and tired considering he’s still working FT and has a baby - is it acceptable that he comes home and goes into a rage because he’s tired or hungry?

If a mum was concerned her male partner was going to harm her child I doubt she'd go away for work and leave him alone with the child.
And if she did she'd get ripped apart.

He can't be that concerned or else he wouldn't have gone away. If you seriously think your wife is capable of harming your toddler you do not go away. You take sick leave and have the child 100% until the other parent is no longer a risk

Don’t offer help ! It is not her responsibility to be in charge of all the household and mental loads. you both have responsibilities, you should be able to see what needs doing and just get on with it and do it.

for example. When you say you “took the child in the mornings and weekends” what exactly did you mean? Did you get the child up, dressed, fed and out of the house to do something together, leaving the kitchen tidy and the breakfast things put away. Or did you have to keep on asking her what to do, where things were, what the child needed to take etc and then left the kitchen in a state for her to come down to?

The OP was purposely vague, nowhere did he state he was away working so at this point it’s wild to make stuff up.

He is not away. He is working to support the family. Ffs.

This place is fucking wild.

Exactly this. Go home!

Absolutely!

How does she just get enough sleep without OP waking with his child though? The sleep is not in her control, it could easily be in her DH’s control to give her several nights sleep a week though.

You need to be home.

If you were genuinely worried, you'd be there.

A mother would not leave their child with a father they were scared would hurt their child. So why are you leaving your child with a mother that you're scared might hurt or damage your child?

Get home. Do all the night wakings. Get up with the child in the morning. Do bedtime.

If you genuinely think she's bad for your child, get back there and protect you son/daughter.

What do you mean by “loosing control”? You’re being incredibly passive here.

Is just shouting? What does she say when shouting?

How loud is she whilst shouting? Loud enough for neighbours to hear?

What else does she do when “losing control”?

Please give more context and examples.

Give. Her. A. Break… she’s at home alll day trust me it’s a hard gig!

Sounds like OP is trying to do as much as they can but the wife won’t accept any more help.

Unless they kick her out and restrict access to the child then what else can OP do.

I've written a book about my domestic abuse and horrific experiences.. That comment didn't trigger me, because someone who's well rested, well fed and calm is alot less angry. You're trying to find offense to take.. You're reaching. It's obvious what the poster meant..

Leave?
She can't leave, she's the only one there caring for the child (even when OP is home most of the time).

This is an excellent reply. Ignore the man hating shit replies on here OP.

Yes she needs to be getting more sleep if her temper is directly affected to sleep deprivation.

There is no excuse for her behaviour, she needs to do better or OP needs to ask her to leave.

I don’t think anyone is (or should) excuse her behaviour and it sounds as though mum is also distressed by her rage, and rightly so. People are merely explaining that sleep deprivation can cause people to rapidly mentally deteriorate and can set off a first episode of depression or even psychosis, requiring hospital admission. Sleep deprivation is not a minor thing, and the behaviours stemming from hers are obviously harmful. It is not sexist to note that mum is sleep deprived and dad isnt. It is sexist to NOT notice the SEX differences in how often caring for a child evidently falls differently to a woman than it does to a man.

Dad, you have still not answered - if you and your wife are upset by this then why are you not doing an equal number of wake ups or splitting the nights? If you’re away then can you get a babysitter to do your toddlers bedtime so that your wife can have time to tidy up and get jobs done so that she can unwind enough to actually sleep? Food shopping/cooking/prep/planning/washing - are you doing this or is she?

GP is a good first port of call.

The irony of 'long day, tired and off to bed'.

Yes, this. Why are you away?
Work? Trekking with your friends?

You said she had a temper before little one and that's a her problem, as a mum no way would I be leaving a small child alone with her same if it was my dh doing it..one off slip maybe but not the regularity your saying

Or he could be there and take responsibility for his child.

My OH used to say he was worried about my temper. Funnily enough, when I said ‘take the children then, I’ll have them on a weekend.’ he seemed less concerned. Do more at home and don’t ring at bedtime.

Carefully cut to avoid the context that OP had rung and woken their child who had begun to cry and shout out..after she had got him to sleep

It’s a cliche that that thoughtlessness from an absent parent would be enraging..that anger was directed at OP