Sick of my wife’s temper

You’re away working so there are limitations to how much you can actually do to help , although you can let her catch up on sleep on weekends.
Your toddler is going through some sleep regression and that means she’s had disturbed sleep for a few weeks ?
that is difficult ( I know as I have 3 children and my husband often worked longer hours / worked away )
However it is NOT acceptable in any way for her to be losing her temper, screaming + shouting at a tiny child and then blaming you .
Can anyone be with her to help until you get home ?

OP, if you are still reading, please read this post carefully.

If the dad had been pregnant , given birth , breastfed for a year , was a SAHD and then had no sleep for 6 weeks, then I’d imagine there would be a lot of questions.

If the dad had been pregnant , given birth , breastfed for a year , was a SAHD and then had no sleep for 6 weeks, then I’d imagine there would be a lot of questions.

There's a reason that sleep deprivation is recognised as a form of torture. If you are genuinely worried for your child's safety, you need to get home.

She's sleep training a toddler who has sleep regression. You called and disturbed the child that she had presumably just settled - I'd probably lose my temper too.
You admit you have been very little help as your wife breastfeeding - she's done it all, admit it. I did it all too and the sleep deprivation can drive you crazy.
If you are seriously concerned about her behaviour to your child, you need to go home now, as PP's have said. And you need to be the help, not just offer it.

And you know she’s doing all the night time care, every single night, how?

Sorry I thought they were married. In my experience, marriage means to support one another.

It's great that she agreed to "look into" anger management. That means she acknowledges the problem. But don't wait for her get around to it. You do the research, and hand her three or four telephone numbers to get her started.

She can't manage a singleton toddler, even though she doesn't have a job and it's the husband's fault that she's shouting at their child????

OP, your wife is not managing the demands well. You will have to try and do a bit more if you can, or consider paid childcare/babysitting during the day if you can afford it.

There'e no excuse for her to be shouting at a small child who won't go to sleep on demand.

Get some childcare so your wife can have a break, do more nights and care yourself.

sure she shouldn’t be shouting but appreciate that she is doing everything.

Get home. Do all the night wakings. Get up with the child in the morning. Do bedtime

Silly statement. Someone presumably working full time should do all night wakings and get up with child every morning?! And what happens when OP gets burn out, because working all day and regular interrupted night time sleep isn’t going to be sustainable. We don’t know if when home OP helps with night times. He says she is SAHP, and guessing he might be working away, which isn’t unheard of in some families. If this was flipped and it was the wife posting this whilst away with dh dealing with toddler bedtimes, then the answers on here would be very different.

No. I'm seriously implying that in this singular instance, on this particular comment, it was obvious what was being said. Taking something someone said and applying it to absolutely every circumstance is always going to upset someone. Congratulations, looks like you found some offence to take. 😊

It may not appeal, but I’d suggest hiring a night nanny for two or three nights a week. That way your wife should be able to catch up on sleep and an experienced night nanny can help with establishing routine.

The OP hasn't come back.

I went through a period of rage when my toddler was not sleeping, my husband occasionally did something to help but had to make point of telling me he had done it for me.

I could feel myself breaking, I desperately needed a break, some sleep, and I communicated my needs but they went unheard and my unmet until I finally burnt out and started raging at him all the time because I was so tired and had to just keep going and his defence was to keep on about the one or two things he had done for me to help which would be stupid things like bring the washing that was mostly his in for me or clean something he’s used so I could get something else done.
It shouldn’t take until she breaks before you support her, she needs your support and you should be getting through this together.

Honestly when a woman communicates to you that she is at breaking point and needs help, HELP before she burns out and becomes ill, because if she doesn’t take a break her body will shut down and force her to rest.

My dh worked away just after our eldest was born, for 5 years, home at weekends only.

The grind of bedtimes alone is tough and I remember getting frustrated at the not going to sleep, especially after a long day.

I probably shouted at the situation at times, but not at my dd.
Like you, my DH used to get up with her early at the weekend and let me catch up on my sleep. He didn't do the night wakes because baby wasn't used to him at night and used to play merry hell. It was easier for me to get up.

Would she be happy for you to take your dc out at the weekend? My dh used to take ours out and I'd get sent pictures of them on their adventures. He was amazing with them that way and they still eulogise about their outings with him and they're in their 20's now.

Try and speak to your wife when she is calmer, let her talk and tell you what she is feeling before offering up solutions.

The wording of your post “helping” your wife, being an equal parent and partner is not “helping” it’s not a favour to someone else and they owe you.
If you’re that concerned, go home and support her so she can be the mum she wants to be

OP hasn't told us if he works full time.
Or that he's away with work right now. He's just said he's away.

Angry or on her knees exhausted? Sorry op but my god you’re away, your child’s sleep is regressing and you fhink your wife’s problem is rage? It’s lack of bloody sleep and peace and space!!! All the things you’ll have had at least minutes if not hours of while you’re away. I’m angry FOR her!!!!

I mean it is when the needs is a human basic,
sleep. And the reason she’s not getting it is because she’s doing all the night care for their shared child.

Good for you. Not "triggered" at all, I just think anger is a choice. Its not the OPs job to meet her needs.

How do you know?

He’s working away not on a jolly to Benidorm!

Some women have bad tempers and are not that nice. Worth a thought.