Sick of my wife’s temper

Another option they have...
If Mum is struggling to be a ft SAHM, why not go back to work pt?
She could put the toddler in childcare whilst she is out earning and have that break she "so desperately needs"?

Screaming and shouting at kids l, slamming doors and excusing it with fatigue is very common in people who have gone onto seriously injured or kill their children.

The most worrying is deflecting the blame. "I did this to a vulnerable child because you did or didnt do something else"

No because I actually spent yime around women who have abused and killed their kids, I recognise the patterns and know that many of them started with this type of rage before moving onto things like covering their children's noses and mouths with their hands for increasing periods "just to keep them quiet".

He doesnt do many nights because he works away and is the only breadwinner. Many single mothers do every single night without behaving this way.

Despite your normalisation of this abuse, it isn't normal.

😂 what’s that got to do with anything

Was just meaning that 'working away' could mean anything - could be offshore, could be an on-call function with emergency services, international espionage, the works. Some posters seem to think that all jobs can just be dropped and abandoned at a moment's notice.

Wtf? So because you're a criminal you're an expert on mental health, PND and this family personally, and you think she's about to harm her child because she's at the end of her rope with sleep deprivation and her husband is useless? Alrighty then.

OP admits he doesn't do many night wakings. That's where to start, he needs to start getting up 50% of nights. Totally irrelevant if he's working during the day, she is too.

But yeah you just crack on and blame the woman till the cows come home 🙄

No, I'm a woman who was in jail with women who murdered their children.

Christ alive, are you the OP's mum?

Agreed but he is probably in a hotel while he is working away. I don't think that is unreasonable at all. He should be able to earn the family money without his SAHM partner harming their child.

The fact that so many women here think this is normal behavuiur when you have to look after a child full-time is scary as hell.

Which could mean anything. He could be offshore for all you know.

Because he is working away.

You mean leave work where he earns the only money to go and keep his child safe from his seemingly unhinged and dangerous mother? Yes. And once he does, he should either lock her out of the house or leave with the baby to keep them safe from her.

How do you know he's in a hotel?

This is a 2 year old. When you decide to get pregnant or get someone pregnant, you don't know what type of kid you will have or if they will be NT. If you can't deal with the prospect of broken sleep for a very long time, then maybe kids arent a good idea for you. You don't get to scream and rage at them when they keep you up.

That would all require him to get off his bum, out of that comfy hotel room and go home and actually step up.

Verbal abuse, rage and damaging property due to normal behaviour of a toddler is harmful to that child. It's actually abuse.

If he has to leave work to prevent his child from being abused, then he cannot hide that and has to do more to safeguard the child. That will mean limiting the unsupervised access to the child as far as possible.

If he was to lie and say she is physically unwell and allows this situation to continue where she thinks fatigue is an excuse to shout and scare the child, then he is complicit in this child's emotional neglect.

FFS he's not lying or covering anything up, she hardly sounds bright and peachy does she? It's not a lie to say she's unwell and needs his help, it's a shame he can't bloody see it!

Also where the fuck has OP said she's endangering the child? Did I miss that bit? Is she not feeding him or leaving him alone in the house? If every parent who has ever shouted at their kids had them removed then about 90% of kids would be in care!

No he should NOT lie or cover it up if he has to go home to keep his child safe from its mother. It is alarming how many have normalised this behaviour and/or would take steps to conceal it.

Hmm or he could just say my wife is very unwell and I need to go home right now, there is nobody else who can help? Since when do UK employers demand this level of detail?

DH took emergency leave when I had my appendix out and there was literally nobody else to care for our baby. His boss didn't say anything beyond hope she feels better soon.

You realise that if he has to leave to go home in case the mother harms the child, he has to do something to ensure she isnt with the child alone again, right? The minute he takes emergency leave because she is screaming and swearing at the kid and slamming doors, he's admitting that she is a danger to the child. Their romantic relationship is then secondary and safeguarding the child way from the potential source of harm becomes the priority

Thanks Sal.

Christ is it any wonder so many women end up with PND or worse if this what they hear about themselves?

And to answer your question, OP should've GONE HOME. Assuming he's UK based, he is allowed emergency unpaid leave for a dependent/family emergency. This is one. He should've left immediately. Not started a thread online bitching about his wife, its literally entitled "Sick of..." Not "Greatly Concerned" or "Very Worried" which implies an element of care. No, he's sick of her, like she's just not good enough. Which is incidentally what new mums with PND tell themselves every day anyway without the husband piling on.

@HenLen Tolerance? In more ways than one 😀

There seems to be only one actually abusive person on this thread and its not the OP.

making up imaginary scenarios in your head & reposting them over and over again does not make them true. Just FYi

Im well aware how babies can be at night. I had one that woke every 90 minutes for the first 3 months with colic. Never once screamed at him to shut the fuck up and slammed a door on him.. because I’m an adult who chose to have a baby, understanding all the potential consequences of having a baby.
If she’s got that little control over her anger she needs to fix that. There is no excuse for treating a toddler this way, no matter how knackered you are.

6 weeks not 2 years

the mum chose to be a stay at home mum, she will have known what OP’s job was and what it entailed long before the baby was born.

The poster is correct in what they said

mumsnet is just a joke at this point. There are actually only a handful of helpful replies in this thread. A whole lot of misandry & blaming the OP. Lots of telling him to quit his job & that its his own fault but barely any condeming a woman who was abusing his child whilst he was away for work & he had to hear it over the phone.

add to that, that we have a new anti men buzzword ‘himpothy’ being reused, I assume by the bot replies threads get that pick up responses.

It shouldn’t matter if its a mum or dad making a thread and posting asking for help. Put yoursef in his shoes, you are away for work, you call as normal to say good night before bed & that happens. You reach out for support to be told no in fact its your fault your wife has a temper & is abusing your child.

on no planet is what this woman has done acceptable. On no planet is the man to blame, now if he leaves the child again then yes fire away at him.

lots of you need to do x x x to the OP but no, why is this woman who is emotionally abusing and frightening the life of her child not seeking help

6 weeks is all it has taken for this woman to become abusive to her child. Yet 99% of the posters are excusing her behaviour. 99% of mums and even dads get affected by babies/toddlers not sleeping & I don’t think (or at least I bloody hope) that the default is not to start abusing your child.

If you are in any doubt to what I am saying. I am saying it is the woman’s fault