Sick of my wife’s temper

Yes she would be doing most of it because she’s chosen to be the SAHP.

You don’t get to choose to not work but then also make the working parent do most of the parenting, that would be extremely unfair.

It makes sense that if the child has started waking in the night, that she’s the one to tend to it because she doesn’t need to be on top form and can nap etc during the day.

If OP is a pilot or something then him being sleep deprived could be incredibly dangerous.

She has lie ins in the mornings on weekends, goes to the gym several times a week and OP has offered to help more but she says no - I’m not sure what more OP can do and it sounds as though the wife has a lot more free time than OP does.

What? The only thing he’s said he does as a defined job in the home is to have his son when he wakes in the morning. He has packaged this alongside her having no more than 4 sleeps in 42 sleeps he’s framed it in such a way that makes it sound reasonable. He doesn’t cooks. He takes over when she loses her shit. If that sounds fair to you, then fine I don’t.

I don't understand why so many people are defending your wife here. Her behaviour towards your child is inexcusable. The sleep regression is only six weeks and it will pass. Her outbursts could do lasting damage to your child. She needs external help getting her anger under control. The fact she has always had a temper and is emotional in the mornings sounds like she has unregulated emotions which could be a personality disorder. She needs to see her GP.

What is the OPs role? His contract obligations? Do you know? I don't.
We'd be talking in circles about something we don't have the information to navigate sensibly.
What we know is that he initially posted because he is worried for the wellbeing of his child predominantly, but also his wife. They are struggling. The obvious answer is that he needs to try to be there more.
If his wife was struck by a bus tomorrow, he would need to get home and then figure out a way to work without travelling so much, so it cannot be considered an impossible ask.
I am not saying he needs to quit his job on the spot. But if his contract has the stipulations you are suggesting may be in place from your experience, he does need to find a way to resolve this and the travel is likely going to have to go at least for a little while.
Otherwise, his wife just sucks it up, things stay as they are and the original question and everything that has unfolded from it is just moot.

It’s the same for most jobs you are expected to work and that’s that and your family life isn’t their problem .

It would be good to get some clarity on the gym logistics. A nanny might be out of budget but more childcare could help equalise how much down time is available to the both of them.

Do you do your fair share of bedtimes and night wakings? It can be frustrating when you are absolutely exhausted, doing all the bedtimes and your baby is crying and crying. My husband would always switch out with me when I found myself getting overstimulated. She may not want to, but with all mine I just coslept when they were going through a bad patch of sleep. That way everyone got enough sleep and avoided chronic overtiredness.

@Marroon So how does she go to the gym a couple of times a week?

It sounds like she does almost all of it. He takes the child for what, an hour in the morning? Then she looks after the child all day, does everything in the house, does all the dinners, sorts the child out for bed every night, wakes with the child every night.
I mean, there’s not much parenting left after what’s she’s done.

So many comments justifying the woman’s shit behaviour and hellbent on blaming a man 🙄🙄

Circumstances change. The partner isn't coping. If the partner died would you state 'waaaahhhh, but she said she'd do it, not my problem'. You would need to make the decision to step up or hand over parental responsibility to someone else.

These are conversations to have before bringing a child into the family

@Kizmet1 Kindly, I don't think you have much of an understanding about how some professions require travel as an integral part of the job. You can't simply just "not do it." If you refuse and it is part of your contract, disciplinary action will be taken. OP could well put his job at risk.
Do you think his wife would be happy with that?

You build up a lot of favour in a company.

Starting a new job you deal with probation, no private health for the first year, no paternity benefits for the first 2 years.

I would think it very irresponsible to move job with a child under 3 years of age

So you would need to decide whether keeping the job or having DC is more important. Some jobs are not compatible with family life. It is unfair to state that your partner should make all of the sacrifices.

@Harrysmummy246
How is she managing the gym several times a week if she is not in fact getting a break? Where is the child?

That is your job. Not necessarily the same for the OP.
And if it is, then he may need to consider a line of work that allows him to provide the emotional and physical support his young family clearly needs. Financial support is very important, but so are other matters.

I think when you bring kids into the mix you can't take for granted that they'll just slot into any expected lifestyle. Sometimes plans have to be changed or put on hold.

To be blunt if his wife dropped dead he'd have no choice but to get another job.

So basically it all falls on her unless you deign to pick it up. It is the mental load as well, chronic exhaustion, and, frankly, parenting a toddler is frustrating and dull. You need to make a change to support her rather than expressing concern at her frustration.

I'm not being ridiculous! If your job does not work for your family life, you get a new job. And your first husband's experience is not the definitive one.
FFS, if you have lived through this then you know how hard it is - especially for the mother left to cope. Just because you did it doesn't mean the OPs wife can or should have to.

If I said no to going away I would lose my job. Simple as that.

Has he been immediately fired for needing to tend to his family?

I don't understand these comments.The ops wife has only 1 child to look after. She is shouting and he states she already had a temper. He's right to be concerned. When your a sahp of course you are the one to wake with child. She goes to the gym a few times a week so obviously gets some respite. We don't know if the toddler goes to nursery, can you confirm op. If so she's getting plenty of time to herself. My 2nd child never slept through until gone 2 years old and was breastfed, I didn't shout at him. I was constantly tired it's part of being a parent. I worked part time too. You just get on with it as best you can. I didn't blame my other half because he was brining the majority of money in. We each have different roles and providing is an important role it does not mean he is slacking off. She needs some anger management or help from health visitor if she can't cope with 6 weeks of lack of sleep. We've all had moments of extreme stress but shouting at a 2 year old is not acceptable is it?! The point is op has said she has a temper so it is a concern. Op is there relatives nearby that could help? Could you take some leave? If I was worried about my child I wouldn't want to be miles away. Is she usually calm with the child in a normal circumstance?

@Kizmet1 Don't be ridiculous. Travel and working away may well be an integral part of his job. My first husband had to travel to his offices in NY when my sons were very small. Saying no would have meant losing his job.
If his wife went to work too it would quite possibly help facilitate OP in finding a job with less hours, less travel, and nearer to home. As you rightly said, you can't always keep the lifestyle you want.

Unless he is being escorted at gun point, he has a choice about going away.
If all of the problems are linked to a sleep regression then the issue may be short term.
If it is a larger problem, then he may need to find a job that allows him to be closer to home and does not demand so much travel. Not necessarily easy, but surely not impossible.
Family demands sacrifice from all involved. You can't necessarily expect to keep the same lifestyle. If things don't work, they need to change. And clearly the current situation is not working.