Sick of my wife’s temper

Hope you have found the strength to hold a boundary here OP. Your DC need you.

@Paganpentacle This isn't the case here. Child is no longer breastfeeding and been consistently sleeping through until recently.

I don't think that it is at all fair to say that until recently every absent dad was desperate to be a Dad and mothers were always at fault for driving the men away or claim that if a woman has mental health issues they should take responsbility for the other parent neglecting their child. Your are jumping to your own conclusions there. Clearly that poster sees her situation as fairly similar to this. In this situation she believes parenting and safeguarding is something that is the mother's job only, she is projecting and it is fair to point that out.

Probably not... because its not likely the dad has been exclusively B'feeding and had disturbed sleep persistently.

Hope things have improved for you and the child since you started the thread.

I grew up with a mum who screamed and shouted and slammed doors from when I was a baby onwards. This escalated into physical, verbal and emotional abuse and neglect of my siblings and I until we left home. My Dad was very present but did have to go out to work and she didn’t do it when he was around. We were told if we told anyone, we would be taken away and split up as siblings and never see each other or our Dad again.

I wish someone had been aware and advocated for me. Your wife may be having a hard time but you need to prioritize your child. If she is treating a young child like this, how will she treat an older one?

You werent asking about the OP though. You asked the other member where their own father was. I commented to say that mentally ill women like that poster's mother would have long ensured that contact with dad wasnt feasible.

The Dad in the OP isn't alienated and she believes Dad should be leaving the DC with the mother and holds the mother fully responsible in this scenario.

It was and still is pretty easy to ensure the other parent is alienated and unable to have any contact with their children. Someone with those type of mental health issues will think nothing of fabricating abuse to make contact impossible or severely restricted.

Where was your Dad? You mentioned up thread you struggled but internalised when your DC were little, where was your partner? You are projecting on this thread and I would recommend therapy to notice how your experiences are shaping your behaviour. To be clear I am not saying your Mum wasn't at fault but it is clear that you believe it is ok for men to watch their children being abused and that doesn't make them bad parents.

Reading through the answers on this post has clarified something for me

When I was growing up my abusive mother screamed and shouted at me on a daily basis.
Her rage would erupt and you knew you were in for the several weeks of spiralling mental health and more and more abuse until she was eventually admitted to a psychiatric unit
Where she stayed doing basket weaving and getting herself” better”

I could never understand why after several weeks I was always handed back to her and the whole cycle would start again. (Even after she tried to kill me)

I get it now
The social workers had the same outlook as posters on this thread

It was because despite all evidence to the contrary, my mother even though she was nasty abusive, controlling and had murderous intentions she could do no wrong.

It was always someone else’s fault
It was always because someone ‘else’s actions drove her to it.

Hello @Seriouslyworrieddad

i have already posted on here, suggesting you take emergency parental leave, get home and assess situation in real life.

Please can you update as to how your child is? Did you get home?

I and several other posters have said if OP fears the child is in actual physical danger then he needs to act - get home (if possible if not contact any known adult to family to step in and check in) and contact SS/HV and raise concerns.

I've also suggest support or actions that the OP could try and put in place. I don't think the behavior the wife as described is normal or really acceptabl.

I've suggested the OP try to rule out underlying illness, suggested support and suggested childcare if possible.

Ultimately none of us on here know the actual situation or what is actually going on with this couple and child - best advice is to seek RL support of some sort.

instead of snuggling into a comfy bed in a hotel for a nice long night of uninterrupted sleep

Still not seen any evidence to back up this, either.

I think it's the wife who is emotionally and verbally abusive to both the op and her child

So, to recap, there is clear evidence that the OP is emotionally and verbally abusive, as he has left his exhausted wife with a child he has stated is extremely full on, knows full well she is being tortured from weeks of lack of sleep, is fine with leaving her in charge (proving he is in no way afraid for his child, but came here to verbally abuse her and hope that those who lick the boots of men will line up with the himpathy.)

The above can be further summarised by saying 'the OP went to work'.

I don’t think the child is in immediate danger based on this handful of posts but they are certainly being verbally abused by the wife and it has to stop. People posting on this think they are sticking up for women but they are actually being quite misogynistic acting like this woman is some delicate flower who can do no wrong . Actually most women manage without losing their temper continuously and shouting at children without the help of men. So no , it’s not normal at all and it’s not being “tortured” it’s just normal child rearing being done by someone with a history of a temper who is being damaging towards their own child.

Using your logic, every parent who has ever shouted at their child in a moment of frustration has then gone on to kill them. I doubt that’s true.

Well said. Both this and your post you quoted!

You're just "sick of her" for behaving exactly as every single person on here would behave if they too were being tortured, rather than being a nicey nicey wifey to you while she suffers in silence, as the robot version of her would

So you are saying if all mothers were left on their own with out a husbands support then they would abuse their children when inevitably their babies and children don’t sleep through the night

I can honestly say I have never screamed at dc ever.
Maybe because I know what that feels like and would never do that to my dc.
Even when through lack of sleep the world seemed to tilt and I thought I might pass out and ds had colic which meant he screamed and cried for hours each night and every night for a several weeks and nothing would ease his distress.

You might know people who scream at their children because the child won’t go to sleep, but that doesn’t mean everyone does that

And just to say there is not one single person on this thread throwing abuse at the exhausted wife but not saying OP needs to go home right now who is actually afraid for the child. Not one of you. Not a single one.

Every single person on this thread would be yelling abuse at the OP for not getting home immediately if they were actually worried about the child. Just as you do, and I do, when a mother lets her boyfriend/husband/partner abuse their kid.

There are two position the OP is bitching and whining about his exhausted wife, who has been left to deal with a very demanding child with no sleep all alone, and he is, as he stated, sick of her not being quietly sweet and perfect in a way he could not be after being tortured for weeks - but of course he is not afraid for the child because he'd be on his way home.

Or, option two, the OP is bitching and whining about his exhausted wife, who has been left to deal with a very demanding child with no sleep all alone, and he is, as he stated, sick of her not being quietly sweet and perfect in a way he could not be after being tortured for weeks - and he is afraid for his child so he is rushing home right now.

You can't have it both ways, these are the two options.

I don't know how I keep managing to quote myself by accident. Lack of sleep, I suppose, it fucks up everybody's cognitive abilities.

So, to recap, there is clear evidence that the OP is emotionally and verbally abusive, as he has left his exhausted wife with a child he has stated is extremely full on, knows full well she is being tortured from weeks of lack of sleep, is fine with leaving her in charge (proving he is in no way afraid for his child, but came here to verbally abuse her and hope that those who lick the boots of men will line up with the himpathy.)

If he was actually worried for the child at all, instead of snuggling into a comfy bed in a hotel for a nice long night of uninterrupted sleep, after posting unnecessary and unehlpful comments about his wife, and give his tortured wife the sleep she actually needs to function as a human being, he would have driven home.

So, we know he's not worried about the child, which is great.

So, here's how to fix this OP - go home and let her rest for two full days. She gets to sleep as long as she want and does zero parenting. Two full days.

After that, when she is no longer wrecked and despairing from lack of sleep, you can discuss ways to ensure she is never left alone with no back up or support with an extremely full on child again.

Then, if necessary, you can both attend counselling. You can discuss how you can better fulfil your parental and husbandly duties, and she can discuss anything that needs addressing at that point.

I didnt share a cell with any of them. Most of them had their own cell because they are murderers and abusers.

The person who shared a cell with the one they’re talking about is a super reliable testimony!