Am I being too pushy with daughters swimming?

I thought lifeguards were on minimum wage, no?
What made you think that?

I wonder what they would think would be a more 'worthwhile' way for your daughter to spend some of her time? You need to point out to them in no uncertain terms that not only being 'able' to swim but to do so confidently and well might just save her own or a friends life at some point in the future! 🙄
If they're not convinced by this basic and common sense fact then tell them to FO and keep their opinions to themselves!! 😡

My dad swam all of his life and I can remember him having an op at 81 that normally wouldn’t have been available but the surgeon said what great shape he was in as he still swam every day.
Afterwards, in the recovery, the surgeon said my dad’s heart, general strength and muscles tone had wanted to make him return to swimming. So for me, it’s not just a life skill it’s a lifesaver in so many ways.
What if your daughter shows an aptitude and wants to compete at some point? What’s wrong with that? Someone has to win all of those medals.
If it’s for fun, it’s a wonderful skill and hobby and it also reminds young people that their bodies have a function outside of what they look like.
Your PILs sound awful. Stuck and opinionated. And what does ‘let them be kids’ these days mean anyway? Let them sit on YouTube 10 hours a day?
Keep going, keep swimming and loving the water.

I'm wondering... Is it because she's actually skilled at it that they're pondering where it's going?

I know plenty of kids who've done swimming lessons until aged seven and still couldn't swim well. I got mine small group sessions aged eight and got them swimming in two days after a year of school lessons achieved nothing.

Your DD seems to have talent and loves swimming. It may be in a few years she does want to start competing. Could it be your IL were discussing that?

Oh that's good to know. Thanks for that 👍🏻

30 years ago and mine were in the pool as soon as they'd had all their baby injections. Both very strong swimmers. Up until the 70's all the rural primary schools in this area had their own outdoor swimming pools..it's a life skill and also a compulsory part of the school PE curriculum. Ignore them.

Just checked, it's not quite double. Minimum wage age 16 is £8 and hour DD on lifeguard hours is almost £14 an hour and almost £15 and hour swim teaching. She is contracted 10/hrs a week as swim teacher while at college and lifeguards on Xero hours basis.

This is at local council leisure centre. Private pools nearby pay more.

I thought lifeguards were on minimum wage, no?

I agree, but actually, a large portion of the swimming stages is water safety discussion. I think stage 4 is the one where they do that.

The 25m is meaningless I agree and I actually thought distance badges were a thing of the past. My 11yo is stage 7 and has to do survival skills. I think she started them I stage 5 or 6

I agree swimming is a fantastic activity, but the idea that pool lessons automatically equal an open-water "life skill" is a bit of a myth.
Swimming lengths in a heated pool doesn't prepare anyone for falling into a canal fully clothed, where the freezing water causes instant panic. That pool confidence often turns into dangerous overconfidence when people jump into reservoirs or rivers, unaware of hidden currents. Living on an island means we should be teaching people how to respect dangerous water, not just how to swim laps.

Don't get me wrong, it's brilliant that she is enjoying her lessons at 4 years old, and she should definitely carry on since she's having fun! It will be incredibly useful for holidays and other activities as she gets older. But for now, it's just a great hobby and a bit of fun—let her enjoy her lessons for holidays and hobbies, but let’s stop pretending a 25-metre badge is a shield against cold water shock.

I’ve only read through part of this thread but keep doing what you’re doing! Your DD is learning a life skill and thoroughly enjoying it. It’s giving you precious time together, too! Her GPs should be over the moon that their GD is doing so well at swimming & should be encouraging her, & also boasting to others how great a swimmer she is! Maybe invite them to watch a lesson so they can understand a little bit more?
Good luck!

I wouldn't say once a week is pushy. My daughter has just went 5 and we go swimming on a Saturday. I used to enjoy it myself as a child and would frequently go swimming at lunch time in secondary sechool. For me it wasn't competing or force exercise, I enjoyed it as it was fun. 🤷 Also I think every child should learn to swim. It's dangerous not learning them.

But she’s not competing, she’s just progressing through the learn to swim stages, so no you are not being pushy at all, just being a responsible parent. We live in Cornwall so maybe it’s a bit different as we are surrounded by water, but pretty much all kids can swim at least 25m by the time they start school, and finish stage 7 by about 5 or 6, and stage 10 by aged 7 or 8. The ones who are keen then move into competitive swim clubs, and those who aren’t bothered just swim for fun. Lots of kids do surf life saving as well (in the sea) and compete from age 7 at that, which is swimming and various other skills in the sea.

As long as her next move (whether to stay in swimming / join swim club) when she finishes learning to swim, is her choice then you aren’t being pushy you are being supportive.

We live on an island, swimming is an essential skill. Lessons aren't competition and i think its great you got her into it so early. If she enjoys it just keep doing it regardless of what in laws say.

The earlier the better, my Dad taught me at this age, he had access to a pool (70’s Britain where comprehensive schools had their own pool!). Definitely better let them get confident in the water, while they are young enough not to experience fear or question. I went onto to swim in our school comps and also became an advanced diver so worked for me!

My Dd also did waterbabies, then swim.lessons from 2 1/2, I was determined she would learn to swim but once she could it was up to her what she did. She chose to carry on and ended up with lifeguard training and swim club, she still swims now for exercise and loves it. I would do the same again, stick at it till they are competent swimmers then let them choose.

It’s an important life skill and you’re being a good parent giving her the opportunity to learn. That’s all. if you’re not pushing her along and she enjoys it then that’s fine!

Both my children started going to the swimming pool aged 3 months, and swimming lessons will be an absolute non negotiable because as someone once told me, it’s the only sport that can save your life!

i mean your PILs are correct that it is wrong to push a 4 year old to compete, but if you’re not doing that what’s the issue? Your DD enjoys swimming and is obviously far ahead of most 4 year olds, do you really have a problem on your hands?

Also it's only recently (aged 50) that I've realised how much people just say stuff, chat shit and it's not what they fervently believe, or particularly thought-through or well-reasoned, or indeed, correct, a lot of the time it's just a momentary brain fart. It's really not worth taking it to heart.

I have two boys currently swimming competitively. 13 year old is training for regionals and 10 year old started competing the last year. 10 year old has now decided he will not compete anymore, I just confirmed with him that he’s happy to not swim anymore or does he want to go to the non competing group in the club. He is happy to stop swimming, his brother is disappointed but is making him continue is pushy not you with your daughter.
I have a 5 year old daughter that just started swimming lessons and she’s it sure if she likes it but she will have to persevere for now. I am not a good swimmer or cyclist, both boys are not my daughter. I’m beginning to think it’s a female thing in my family 😩

I believe swimming lessons should be non negotiable, swimming is a life skill more than a hobby and should come before any extra curricular activity.
My granddaughters began as babies, 10year at 6 weeks, now swims 25m in 19seconds, 5 year old at 4 months, due to Covid, just passed her 50m badge.
watching them in the pool is a joy and I am envious every time I see them.
Ignore the mil

I wish things like that didn’t bother me but I’m sensitive and end up over thinking every little thing and wondering why people have such opinions when I’m just doing my best as a Mum

Basically, at every stage of life, you refect on choices you've made and things you'd do differently if you had your time again.

Some people keep it to themselves and understand they did their best with what they had at the time; others look back and think, actually I did drop the ball there; and others will project it onto other people who are doing things differently.

You actually have a choice in whether you overthink and ruminate over every little thing.

Find a phrase you can repeat to yourself and use it whenever these thoughts pop into your head. Eg, "She's only saying this because it triggers one of her insecurities," or, "This comment says more about how she feels about her own parenting then mine," or, "That's her opinion. It's not a fact and I don't need to worry about it."

Or even, "Im doing my best as a mum. She was doing her best as one too. Maybe on reflection and with more life experience, she wishes she'd done it this way too."

That's what it is then, tbh.

I also had the same with breastfeeding.

I always assumed I would bf until my childen were around 6 months because that's what my mum had done so, in my family, it was 'the norm'.

My mum was supportive of it. My MIL thought I was selfish and should have ff because she did and, a) I had no idea whather my babies were getting the right balance of nutrients or how much milk they were getting, b) no one else could feed the baby and c) yes, she ff and her children were fine.

However, when I continued past 6 months, my mum also had a problem with it. When I was still feeding after a year, she told me i had 'probably made my point by now'.

I wasn't making a point, I was feeding my baby but it definitely exposed her own feelings around it.

Don't give it another thought