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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Moody part-time DP and his right to his “chilled days”

137 replies

Klokhet · 29/07/2026 19:38

Just had a really shite argument and I wanna know if I’m in the wrong 😭

My DP (well I’ll hold the “d” for now) is a part time supply teacher, as in he picks up shifts when he wants to. I’d say he does on average 3 days a week. Obviously doesn’t work the half terms, Christmas, Easter or summer holidays.

I work full time. I have 27(ish) days annual leave. Obviously it’s not DPs fault I don’t have a lot of holidays but there we are.

He’s been off for last week and obviously this week. He did spend one day “tidying the house” (read, putting a wash on, and doing the dishes), but the rest he’s done what he wanted.

Work is a stressful environment at the minute, and I’ve told him so many times I want to leave, that I’m burnout, that I’m struggling. This morning I woke up 10 minutes before I had to leave the house. Work is non stop from the moment I get there.

I’ve just booked us a holiday for next week and I’m really looking forward to it, needed the rest. Booked it this morning on the way into work.

I get home tonight and the house is a tip - PlayStation on in the lounge, dishes everywhere, laundry bin overflowing… and a DP curled in bed fast asleep.

I admittedly was a bit off with him and asked why he hadn’t done anything around the house. He said “it’s my holidays” and “I needed to rest”. I told him I needed more support as I was running on absolute empty.

Then DP jumps up from bed, starts ranting and raving saying it’s holiday, he cleaned last week blah blah blah… and when I said there’s no need to shout, he said “I do what the fuck I want”. Followed by “I’m just evil aren’t I, I’m the bad guy”.

He did some performative cleaning, slamming things down. Told me to go and put the clothes he’d just folded up away and then went back to bed.

I’m sitting in the lounge and he’s continued to come in and out (slamming the door behind him) to get about 3 drinks in an hour 🙄

Aibu to expect a tidy house and maybe even, shock horror, a meal prepared whilst I’ve been out at work for 10 hours, and he’s just been chilling? Or is it his time to relax?

OP posts:

Nettie1964 · 30/07/2026 18:45

OptimisticallyCynical · 29/07/2026 19:45

I think you know the answer to this one OP

He works part time 3 days a week!!!! He will never change. Then as soon as you challenge him he does performative cleaning. Kick his lazy arse out. He's a cock lodger. The 1 thing he is bringing to the relationship could be vover by a rabbit.

nomas · 30/07/2026 18:28

Dump this waste of space.

QueenietheGreat · 30/07/2026 18:27

@Klokhet
Go on the holiday - you've earned it!
And maybe go alone/find
another person to go with?
He'd spoil the holiday deliberately,
Salty is not the word
Then come back and get rid of
Easier said than done I know
But you're carrying dead useless weight right there
Who's resentful and has no respect for you

Lumpycat · 30/07/2026 18:26

Is it good enough for you OP? Is this the future you want? What are you going to do about it?

Pessismistic · 30/07/2026 18:25

Op I would leave the mess for him to sort and next time your on holiday you do the same as him. Does he realise even when your on holiday the wheels keep turning also if he works 3 days then the other 4 are normal days surely. I hope he contributes equally because he sounds like a lazy arse to me. No wonder your running on empty you’re basically carry the weak link in your relationship.

August1980 · 30/07/2026 18:21

Fuming on your behalf

Gardenisablooming · 30/07/2026 12:02

Get rid op.

And make tne trip a solo one.
Hopefully you don't own a home together..

OneFunGreyFish · 30/07/2026 11:59

Swearing, slamming doors, only works part time, doesn't pick up after himself. Do not marry or ever have children with this man.

Shoxfordian · 30/07/2026 10:16

He should be supportive of you, not leaving a mess everywhere- he just sounds lazy

BMW58 · 30/07/2026 10:15

100% cocklodger OP.

You know what you need to do. He WONT CHANGE. They say they will but never do.

Bluepower · 30/07/2026 10:10

Klokhet · 29/07/2026 21:24

I got a shower and put clothes on? Then I booked flights in a taxi? What’s so hard to grasp?

Show quote history

I read the waking up just before you had to leave as accidental and an examples of the effects of the burnout from working too hard, shouldering too many demands and not getting enough rest.

The times it's happened to me when I've been struggling, I've had to leave before I was properly presentable, forgot things I needed for work, had to force myself to slow down on the road, still arrived later than I needed to and unprepared for the day. In short, it puts me on the back foot and though I'd be wishing for a holiday, or at least a coffee, I wouldn't have time.

Cheeseandolivesplease · 30/07/2026 03:15

My job is term-time only so I'm not "working" for 6 weeks. Well, when I say not working, I am looking after my 6 yo ft. Basically doing what SAHMs do but with my child at home 24/7, even though she is school-age!
I think tbh working is easier than trying to get everything done plus trying to amuse a young child every day!! I also do what housework I can in the day, shop for food (with the little one objecting half of the time), and all of the life admin. I never really get a break and am also peri - exhausted is not the word!!
If I didn't have kids I'd be certainly having a more relaxed 6 weeks, but the house would be looking absolutely pristine!!

Dweetfidilove · 30/07/2026 03:00

Bluepower · 29/07/2026 20:54

And book a holiday before work?

Show quote history

Very efficient 😞

Azandme · 29/07/2026 22:54

I'm no longer a teacher, but I used to be.

Get rid, he's a lazy, selfish, manchild. His "holidays"? Adulting doesn't stop at the end of term.

Prat.

Icecreamisthebest · 29/07/2026 22:52

I would end this. Do it safely and in a way that suits you. You don't need to just chuck him out on the spot if that doesn't work for you.

But you deserve a partner who cares about you and wants your life to be happy. He doesn't care if you are happy or not. And that's the dealbreaker.

RemindMeIn15Minutes · 29/07/2026 22:51

He sounds like a lazy, useless fucker.

Lilypad789 · 29/07/2026 22:46

His response is abusive. Get rid while you can.

Corianda · 29/07/2026 22:44

OMG I can’t believe he actually tried to justify his lazy arse lifestyle

AImportantMermaid · 29/07/2026 22:42

Congratulations on getting yourself a cock lodger. Don’t tell me - you pay all the bills and 80% or the housework? Hopefully you’re the only one on the deeds/tenancy and can get rid easily. He is terminally lazy and he will not change.

Justwanttocomment · 29/07/2026 22:42

I’m a full time teacher with two teenagers. The first week of the hols I mostly lazed around while internet shopping for stuff for our holiday. This week I’m deep cleaning the house in-between taking the kids here and there. He’s just lazy

Woking925 · 29/07/2026 22:39