Is this a ‘Soft life’

Cliches usually become cliches because they hold some truth. And just because you didn't enjoy maternity leave isn't a reason to devalue other people's choices in the sneering way you have on this thread.

And, cliché though it may be, not many people lie on their deathbed thinking 'I wish I'd spent more time at work.'

Please spare me the total cliche. I could equally say many people die wishing they had made more of their lives. Work can be a personal achievement and contribution to society that a soft life, save for raising one precious child, is not.

What an absolutely bizarre post. These are the kind of questions I'd expect being put to someone who spent all their time at work and didn't have an identity outside it. Work isn't the be-all and end-all of everything, you know. And, cliché though it may be, not many people lie on their deathbed thinking 'I wish I'd spent more time at work.'

It's not so much a "soft life"; more of No Life. What IS your life? What do you achieve? What difference to you make? If you died tomorrow, who would notice? What do you leave the World after you die? Where's the struggle? Where's the achievement? You must feel very empty. You will leave no mark on this World after you're gone, sadly. But, hey, at least you are pampering yourself...

I’d love it. Not sure how you can get bored. Sitting at a desk for 7 hours a day is boring. I’d love to spend my time relaxing snd/or doing interesting things. Work is neither.

I’d be shit bored but I’m the sort of person who needs to keep my mind busy otherwise I go stir crazy. I also love my job as an academic, we tumultuous as times are in my field right now. I couldn’t hack sitting around all day watching Netflix and doing yoga.

So true

Well said

That’s fine and good you know what makes you happy and gives you purpsoe. Not everyone is the same. I dont think we should be devaluing normal human things like spending timr with family, enjoying nature and focussing on health for example. We’re all different.

And I dont doubt that at all. We all have things we’re good at or enjoy or find purpose in. Just like how youre not a medical doctor but clearly value them. A lot of people on their deathbeds wish they spent more time with family. Some SAHP may miss more focus on identity and career. Ideally you have a balance. Personally I mix with a wide range kf people with different interests. I much prerer living in that kind of world.

And everyone is supposed to be the same and just slot in like a worker ant until our extinction.

It can be. For some people it’s enough I suppose. But we do live in a society which operates through capitalism and most of us enjoy the benefits, products and services that it provides us - and delivering those also needs to be purposeful. I love my job - I work in an area of financial services which can be very complex for consumers, and our firm specifically provides products for consumers who are more likely to be of low or average income, less financially literate, less technologically literate, and with a low level of trust in the industry; and it’s a privilege and a real purpose for me to do the work I do which shapes how the business and the wider industry serves those consumers.

I am not familiar with the term 'a soft life'. Sounds idyllic if the marriage is good and the DH is happy earning the money. The DW is taking some risk by not being financially independant to some extent. If you can afford it and it's for you great. If it's not for you, also great.

Why do you ask? Are you speaking in the third person or is this about someone in particular and their choices? It sounds like you approve but maybe someone has been critical? It's hard to see where you are coming from with this.

It can be. But it's not enough for me, capitalist or not.

I'm chuckling so much here at a Dubai* lady of leisure spending all the school day sitting around at the pool and calling working people "so capitalist". Does that include your pilates instructor or the people who picked those coffee beans for you? I just can't even.

*or wherever

Finding purpose in work is not exclusively "capitalist"! Do you think in communist or socialist societies everybody gets to sit around and have coffee and do pilates all day?!

Work is part of contributing to society. We work together to provide services and goods to each other. I am a teacher, and I'll teach your kids while you deliver the post or harvest vegetables or cure illnesses.

If you opt out of society and become purely a consumer, that's not anti-capitalist. It's actually more capitalist because you're relying on your capital to do the contributing alone.

I do think raising children is contributing to society, but if you've got just one and they're at school all day, you could be doing a lot more with your time.

Amen. It saddens me how much raising the next generation seems to be seen as something to slot in around a career rather than as an important endeavour in itself.

I personally find this really upsetting. Are we in such a capitalist society that spending time with family and raising children can’t be seen as a purpose?

Why I ly the mother? What about the father?

I suspect the OP things raising kids IS the purpose

although that seems rather shallow to me - raise kids so that they can go and raise kids so that ….

although I guess in OPs world the boys get to do stuff

if raising the kids was so rewarding and worthwhile men would fight women for the right to be the stay at home parent

Also to give your life a purpose

paid work is done to pay bills , and also to protect yourself so that you can be independent of for whatever reason you need to be, so you can pay your taxes and so contribute to society , so you can have some element of pride that you can look after yourself , and to expand your horizons meeting people not in your immediate social circle

I find this whole post strange, but you know what I find stranger . People that think because they work they are contributing something amazing to the world . When loads of jobs are getting replaced with AI . Most people jobs could be replaced within a week. If you are a doctor , surgeon etc I can understand. But most people aren’t doing some amazing job holding the world together. It’s done to pay bills and to line the owners (normally millionaire pockets )with even more money .
never understood why some hold it as their whole personality. SAHM. raising kids holds just as much weight .

This is not a life I would want.

What I am pushing back against is the maternal essentialism running through the OP’s comments: the idea that mothers are naturally and biologically the best caregivers and that a good mother would therefore want to devote the first few years almost entirely to her child.

That does not reflect the society I grew up in. Women across every social class had lives and work beyond childcare. Wealthy women relied on nannies, nursery nurses, domestic staff and extended family. Middle-class women worked, ran businesses or pursued other interests with family and domestic support. Poor women worked because they had to, often carrying babies with them and later relying on relatives, older children and the wider community.

My husband took six months of parental leave with both our children and restructured his work so that he could be more present before they started school. We also left them with “strangers”, although carers do not remain strangers. They become familiar, trusted adults with whom children form relationships. I had nannies throughout my childhood and never felt unloved, unwanted or uncared for by my parents. OP's condescension seems directed at mothers like mine, who trusted other adults to help care for their children.

There is a perfectly reasonable argument for better parental leave, affordable childcare and helping parents spend more time with young children. That is very different from suggesting that mothers are biologically superior caregivers, or that women who choose to return to work they find meaningful and fulfilling are failing to put their children first. This is a historically narrow and deeply conservative model of motherhood being presented as nature. Honestly, just enjoy your choices and leave everyone else alone.

It's a bit rich for you to call other people "defensive" and tell them to be happy with their choices, OP!! 😂 You're so desperate for validation from strangers you've started a weird thread talking about your life in the third person, asking people if they'd want your life then arguing with posters who say it wouldn't be the life they'd choose.

Seriously, what are you actually getting out of this?