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Original poster

Best friend has made an issue about my DH’s joke over dinner

240 replies

Berniewe · 29/07/2026 18:13

We met friends (another couple) at an Indian restaurant last night. My friend ordered a particularly hot curry which we remarked on. DH made a joke along the lines of ‘that’s the face-sitting off the cards tonight’ to which we both laughed as did my friends husband.

Driving home, I could see she messaged me. I got back to read it and she said she thought DH had set out to humiliate her and she expects an apology.

Is it me or has she gone very OTT here?!

OP posts:
DonaldWheresMaTweezers · 29/07/2026 18:58

I'd be tempted to reply "I am not my husband's keeper."

MrsVBS · 29/07/2026 18:57

Gross I couldn’t imagine a friends husband saying that.

Pinkgin00 · 29/07/2026 18:56

I would be embarrassed if my husband came out with a comment like this in front of friends. What a grim 'joke'

WhatAMarvelousTune · 29/07/2026 18:56

I wouldn’t think he’d set out to humiliate me, that feels like a leap. And I wouldn’t demand an apology.

I would think he was a twat though. And I’d be unlikely to jump at the chance to go for dinner with the two of you again.

Fortnightly · 29/07/2026 18:56

Really inappropriate unfunny joke. However, I think you’re friend should just have called your DH out at the time or just left it and quietly laughed that you’re married to a twat!

SandwichSuperstar · 29/07/2026 18:54

holidayhelpneeded1 · 29/07/2026 18:52

Is this becoming a theme, every week or so a new post where a boyfriend or husband makes an inappropriate comment and then everyone is outraged. Its like Mumsnets version of rage bait. Ive lost count of the amount of these there have been lately.

Yeah and it's always about shitting and farting 🙄

EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/07/2026 18:54

holidayhelpneeded1 · 29/07/2026 18:52

Is this becoming a theme, every week or so a new post where a boyfriend or husband makes an inappropriate comment and then everyone is outraged. Its like Mumsnets version of rage bait. Ive lost count of the amount of these there have been lately.

I was going to type something similar but I’ll get deleted for troll hunting. Pathetic goady thread knowing well she’s saying DH is rough, foul, crass from a council estate

sheisforrealatiger · 29/07/2026 18:53

Hmm…is it the kind of joke she would make/laugh at if it was about someone else? If so, she is BU. But if not, YABU and should expect her to be upset.

My dad is a foul mouthed man from a tough estate and a rough type job. Blokes in rough speaking jobs can say whatever they want to each other, but my dad wouldn’t expect any other man’s wife (or his own) to want to hear it directed at them.

holidayhelpneeded1 · 29/07/2026 18:52

Is this becoming a theme, every week or so a new post where a boyfriend or husband makes an inappropriate comment and then everyone is outraged. Its like Mumsnets version of rage bait. Ive lost count of the amount of these there have been lately.

Princessfluffy · 29/07/2026 18:51

I wouldn’t enjoy socialising with someone who makes comments like this

Likeiloveyou · 29/07/2026 18:51

I was brought up in a council flat and I still think your husband is revolting.

Sam1000 · 29/07/2026 18:51

You have to have a certain type of humour for this. Know your audience.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/07/2026 18:51

I would not laugh if my husband said this to my friend. He can joke about his own body after a hot Indian curry but he’d know better than to make that kind of joke about any women.
I was also brought up in a tough estate, no excuses.

Caniweartheseones · 29/07/2026 18:50

The comment is humiliating. However, I think it is nice that your relationship with your friend means she can tell you she was hurt rather than hiding it and withdrawing from you in bitterness. Now you can apologise and say he’s uncouth 🫣

MinnieCoops · 29/07/2026 18:49

I wouldn’t laugh I would just not go out in a 4 again. I’m council too and grew up rough but don’t laugh at things that are clearly gross.

Pallisers · 29/07/2026 18:49

Yeah it is grim. I wouldn't have bothered asking him for an apology though - what's the point? I'd just quietly drop both of you as friends.

malloryknox123 · 29/07/2026 18:48

It probably sounded funnier in his head than out loud. Your friend has every right to feel upset by his remark especially if they aren’t close

FlyingToniBoxes · 29/07/2026 18:48

Berniewe · 29/07/2026 18:13

We met friends (another couple) at an Indian restaurant last night. My friend ordered a particularly hot curry which we remarked on. DH made a joke along the lines of ‘that’s the face-sitting off the cards tonight’ to which we both laughed as did my friends husband.

Driving home, I could see she messaged me. I got back to read it and she said she thought DH had set out to humiliate her and she expects an apology.

Is it me or has she gone very OTT here?!

Your husband was totally inappropriate and an embarrassment saying that to / about your friend - yes, it does sound as though he enjoyed making a joke which humiliated her.

However demanding apologies is also purely intended to be humiliating.

A genuine apology is only one given freely.

An apology demanded is not a genuine apology and is a demand for ritual minor humiliation.

So they're the same really. An eye for an eye and all that.

Your friend should just have told you she was embarrassed by your husband and it ruined her evening and left it to see if your husband was man enough to freely offer an apology.

Your husband needs to rethink his boundaries, judgement and social skills though.

MyDarlingRose · 29/07/2026 18:48

Berniewe · 29/07/2026 18:32

DH is in the trades so to speak and was brought up on a tough old estate so his language can be more industrial than normal, but I didn’t see how I am responsible for the comment.

Because you’re her friend and his wife. You’re the only thing that binds them. So it’s your responsibility to make that bind less uncomfortable now he’s disgusted her.

Ethelspagetti · 29/07/2026 18:47

Eww so gross 🤢 I wouldn’t have been happy at that comment either.

QuadrupleH · 29/07/2026 18:47

Berniewe · 29/07/2026 18:32

DH is in the trades so to speak and was brought up on a tough old estate so his language can be more industrial than normal, but I didn’t see how I am responsible for the comment.

I don't see how you are either so I haven't voted although what you've said doesn't excuse your husband. There was nothing industrial about his language, it was just OTT and not needed. (Unless of course your friend has form for making similar comments then of course that would be a bit hypocritical)

To echo a PP, yes it seems to be gross comment/wedding joke season at the moment.

Rainbowstarssunlight · 29/07/2026 18:47

God I’d feel really awkward if someone else’s husband said that to me.

MMUmum · 29/07/2026 18:46

Berniewe · 29/07/2026 18:32

DH is in the trades so to speak and was brought up on a tough old estate so his language can be more industrial than normal, but I didn’t see how I am responsible for the comment.

No excuse, sorry, unless of course his background absolutely prevents him from being socially appropriate, and you laughed as well when your friend was humiliated by your Dh

MyDarlingRose · 29/07/2026 18:46

It was a disgusting joke tbh. While it might be OK with some people she was offended so an apology is due and note that she doesn’t do sexual or toilet humour in future.

theneighbourstolemyteacup · 29/07/2026 18:45

It's gross

but she should have just pointed out at the time it was a disgusting comment to make, and move on. Bit weird to text later.