Best friend has made an issue about my DH’s joke over dinner

What a revolting thing to say.

You are always so aggressive…is it just with me? Did I offend you somewhere along the line, if I did I’m sorry.

But to answer what you’ve commented. He thought it was funny, she didn’t and was embarrassed. He doesn’t need to apologise for his words because they weren’t intended to harm, it wasn’t intended up humiliate, it wasn’t a nasty act. He doesn’t need to apologise for his behaviour because it was just his personality, and that of 3 of the 4 people at the table.

All he needs to apologise for is that he embarrassed her. It was an accident, he didn’t know it wouldn’t be found funny, and so he should apologise for that.

You don’t have to appreciate the joke or think it is funny, you might find it completely vile, but that is irrelevant. The comment wasn’t particularly offensive, especially since 3 out of 4 laughed, but it did upset one of the people and so he should apologise for the impact.

A slightly risqué joke that is so bad it’s worth going NC.

I’m one away from bingo. Just need someone to mention the words working class or Jeremy Kyle.

You lot would’ve called Michaelango’s David a disgusting piece of smut.

You asked, and now that most people disagree with you, we’re all uptight? Why ask if you’re willing to reflect on the fact that you might be wrong?

It was crass. Some people might be okay with that type of humour, but she’s not wrong if she’s not willing to have jokes like that made at her expense. He should apologise and remember that she doesn’t like that type of humour.

It wouldn’t have bothered me personally but your DH needs to know his audience.

You are not responsible for what your husband said but you thought it was funny and that your friend is wring so you are responsible for that.

My dad worked in a foundry but never said fuck at home. I also only used mild swear words in front of older family members or children. His job and upbringing are no excuse. Most people can change their behaviour depending on the company.

If would be bad enough if he’d made a sex comment about you but to make one about your friend is properly grim. He needs to know his audience. If he has upset her, he should apologise.

Crass.

I wouldn't be happy either.

It sounds like the sort of puerile crap I used to hear from 17 year old rugby players, not grown men

I certainly wouldn't be arranging another night out with you and your unpleasant husband if I were her. What a revolting thing to say.

“For offending her”

Not apologising for his utterly contemptible behaviour then?

Yes you laughed @Berniewe . You are just as bad. And that is probably what hurt or humiliated her more. You are supposed to be her friend, not join in the vulgarity.

So you aren’t asking “is it just me” you are looking for people just to back you up.

Everyone except your friend sound hideous. Do her a favour and step away from the friendship. And also, stop assuming all tradies or people from council estates are a puerile as you.

I agree with her, i would have left. Absolutely repulsive. I can imagine the rest of the conversation wasn't especially scintillating.

Good on your friend for calling out your disgusting husband.

It's very crude.

and rude/offensive - sex / farting / poo

some things in life are best not said / kept private

Yes it was grim. Not a good comment for him to make.

You can’t be for real🤣🤣

It’s a shit joke (get it) but it definitely was not said to hurt her.

I would be suggesting he apologises for offending her, because he did, whether intentional or not. But (providing he doesn’t have a history of intentionally upsetting her) I would also be telling her that her accusations are out of line and she knows it, and she owes you both an apology.

She was embarrassed, that’s ok, she can say that and get an apology, but she shouldn’t be accusing someone of intentionally trying to humiliate her 🤦‍♀️ how childish

Is it out of character for him? Had he drunk too much and said something out loud he should have kept to himself? I wouldn't have laughed at that.

Why wouldn't you apologise if you upset and humiliated someone and didn't mean to? The joke was at her expense so she gets to say whether it's acceptable or not. Why can't he just message her to say "I'm sorry I upset you, I didn't mean to, I misjudged the joke"?

Is he not sorry that his joke upset her? Why wouldn't you be sorry if you were trying to be funny and failed and caused hurt instead?

It was an extremely inappropriate remark to make and I'd be furious with him. What on earth was he thinking to say something like that?

But that wasn't language was it, language would be saying fuck or twat. But no you aren't responsible. But if you laughed along rather than saying something then she probably thinks you are ok with it.

Agree! My sense of humour isn't sophisticated. But you don't talk about someone else's wife sitting on their face!

Here we go again with the Mumsnet Protestants saying you should get divorced for a disgusting, crude, vulgar, low-class sexual joke when in reality it’s extremely tame and nothing noteworthy between friends.

All of you people are incredibly deranged.

He's talking about this woman sitting on her husband's face after eating a hot curry (so obviously meaning shitting and farting) and you DON'T think he set out to humiliate her?

I’m starting to think that it’s actually a man.