Best friend has made an issue about my DH’s joke over dinner

So was my XH , I am over sixty and would have been revolted by that comment forty years ago. Of course you’re not responsible for his behaviour, but I am astonished you think it’s ok.

She typed on Mumsnet, the irony flying over her head like a Ukrainian drone headed for the Kremlin.

That’s not industrial language. That’s a low grade, low value man, language.

There nothing so common as being common.

Oh, you're so cool and edgy! How I wish I could be as hip and unruffled as you when my toilet-brained husband upsets my best friend in public! Can I sit with you at lunchtime?

If my DH had mad a gross comment like that to one of my friends I'd have given him a death stare not laughed.y DH would never be so vulgar.

I'd have hated that. But I wouldn't have texted either of you after the fact.

If I'd been quick enough, I'd simply have given him a look and said "do you have to?" or similar. But few of us are when taken by suprise, so I'd probably just end up just seeing less of him/both of you.

No, you just need to grow up. It sounds like you and your childish husband are well suited.

That is a very personal and crass comment to make to someone with whom you're not having sex. I suspect that your husband wants to shag her, but it isn't reciprocated.

21 or 41 or 61 or 81 it’s gross and particularly unacceptable for across the table at a meal shared with friends.

Maybe your husband didn’t set out to embarrass or insult your friend, but if my husband said it to me, I’d be disgusted.

Your husband owes your friend flowers and A MAJOR MEA CULPA.

Nah it’s definitely just on Mumsnet. They all act so prim and proper like they are all so perfect but you need to remember half of them haven’t been near a man in years.

Yeah, that’s not on at all from your husband.

He did set out to humiliate her, it seems, or rather was very casual in his attitude towards whether that would be the effect.

Yup, I can't stand this stereotype. DH is a plumbing & heating engineering & one of the most switched on, clever, well read & polite people I know. Sadly, he needs to deal with too many like the OP's husband- ie oiks.

To be honest, I took “set out to humiliate” as implying some sort of premeditated aim, and that’s what I thought was a leap. Could easily be my misunderstanding.

So would I, I thought it was pretty funny. I'd laugh if it was about me too. But if she's upset he should say sorry and leave it at that.

God your standard are less than dog poo on the ground op. Your dh, yourself and her dh are vile. If I were her I would think your dh is scum, you are not a friend ans I would be furious with her own dh. I would expect him to stand up and leave with her rather than laugh at some scumbags joke.

If this is a reverso op you deserve a better friend and spouse.

'She expects an apology' made me laugh

Tell her to get over herself, there's people that are dying 🙄🙄

It was a bit too much but I wouldnt have said anything! Is she usually a bit precious?

I'm reminded of one girl i knew, in my late teens, who got upset because I used the word 'vagina' around men 😩😩😩😩

It was even more than just sexual really: it involved the image of your friend fielding toileting emergencies so there was sort of sex, poo and a very visual image of her involved in both that was invoked.

I think it is probably fair enough she felt he had overstepped, and I think I would ask him to just give a simple apology.

You could argue over whether she should be complaining to you, or him, or at the time or whatever, but since she has suggested an apology, is it simplest to just ask him to do so?

I’d have laughed, but only if my DH knew my best mate really well and knew she wouldn’t be embarrassed by a comment like that. It is super personal, so it would have to be a very long-standing relationship between them.

Horrid. Yes, you and your husband are unreasonable.

ew You dh sounds like a dick. If he’d of said that to me me and my husband would of told him to shut his crass mouth

It’s not even funny though is is? He’s in that group of men who think if they say something a bit inappropriate involving sex that they’re just so edgy and hilarious, but everyone else is thinking they are like 12 year olds giggling when someone says ‘boobs’, it’s just a sign of being very immature and socially incompetent. (Which is forgivable for actual 12 year olds but a bit tragic in grown men)

Sorry but I have quite a few male relatives on building sites and in trades and whilst they banter with each other a lot, you can trust them to be civilised in company.
I can’t see any of them saying such a crude joke to a female friend/relative…. You shouldn’t apologise on his behalf, he should do it himself, if he won’t then remind him if they want to see you again that she doesn’t appreciate his sense of humour and to think before he opens his mouth.

With jokes like this you need to know your audience

Super gross 🤮 I wouldn't meet up again