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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to get getting so upset about the group chat

34 replies

Sam1000 · 29/07/2026 16:20

My daughter is 10. She recently changed schools. She had a friend there she knew so a nice start. The first month went well but now the friends original ‘best friend’ doesn’t like my daughter and is making it known. I imagine she probably feels a bit threatened by a new friend coming in.
They have a kiddie friendly group chat which her class use so I let her join in the hope of fostering friendships but it seems this girl is using it to be very subtly mean to my daughter. Taking her out of group chats, snipping at her, etc.
it’s really bothering me, and I know it’s part of this age group, but the first month at the new school went so well I had high hopes and I feel really disappointed. My daughter doesn’t seem massively worried.
I wish these chats didn’t bother me so much but I’m finding myself checking it often.
Im torn between deleting the app and that’s the end of it, but worry this will isolate my daughter more, especially if this other girl is on there bad mouthing her. I don’t want her new friendships to be soured in her absence.

OP posts:
CypressMoon · 29/07/2026 16:40

We all make mistakes as parents but one thing I wish I had never done was make friendship issues worse by showing my own strong reactions to them, or intervening.

Don't let her see how upset it makes you. It's brilliant that she doesn;t seem too upset.

When there is a natural and subtle opportunity, reinforce good habits of self-compassion by reminding her that we can choose not to give our time and attention to anyone who is mean to us, and can instead, spend more time with people who are kind and fun. You might just see who seems nice on the group chat and ask about those children, seek a connection - shared interest or hobby, and encourage that friendship to develop too. It's helpful not to get too deeply attached to one person at that age.

Willowskyblue · 29/07/2026 16:39

Why are you allowing a still young child in a group chat?

TheGreatDownandOut · 29/07/2026 16:39

If your DD doesn’t seem that worried about it then good for her. That’s an excellent response to this kind of social dynamic. I would keep an eye on it but stay out of it unless she speaks to you directly about it

2dogsandabudgie · 29/07/2026 16:39

Is this on mobile phones? No 10 year old needs to be on group chats.

Sam1000 · 29/07/2026 16:37

I guess it that I’m worrying about. Girls can be so mean to each other.

OP posts:
Sam1000 · 29/07/2026 16:36

If it escalates I definitely will

OP posts:
hydriotaphia · 29/07/2026 16:35

I would make the school aware. It is a form of bullying.

Sam1000 · 29/07/2026 16:34

Thanks. You make a good point about not plaguing her with my own worries. She doesn’t seem too fussed but I worry that she isn’t used to negotiating a group chat and the others are. She seems to have done or said ‘the wrong thing’ a couple of times and been told off. Tiny silly things, but it has got me feeling nervous for her. The group is more established and she’s coming in new and niave.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 29/07/2026 16:30

Ask your daughter how she feels and listen. If she wants to stay on I would respect her view at this stage but keep it up for review. If she’s happy to leave then it’s an easy decision to delete it. These kind of group chats are a lot for a 10 year old to navigate which is why a lot of parents choose to introduce this kind of thing much later.

Whatever you do don’t plague your dd with your own anxieties about the group chat if she is not anxious about it herself. This is about her.