AIBU to feel hurt that family did not notice my weight loss?

I rarely comment on people’s weight, because at our age, gain could be down to steroids and loss could be due to cancer. Many women I come across, are under enormous stress with sandwich generation caring responsibilities, and they cope the best way, they can!

I think people are (finally) starting to realise that it is never a good thing to comment unsolicited about someone's weight.
There are lots of reasons for this being a good thing:

• It fights the assumption that thinner = better
• It can be construed that the person thought you looked awful before.
• You may not have wanted to lose weight or may have been ill which has led to weight loss, which wouldn't be a cause for congratulations or celebration.

I am teaching my children to not comment about a specific point of someone's appearance unless it is somethey can change in the next ten minutes.
E.g. It's not okay to say "Your teeth are crooked" but it is okay to say "I think you have something in your teeth".
It's not okay to say to someone when you're out "those trousers don't suit you" but it is okay to say "your label is sticking out".

Yeah it is, when you know they’ve been dieting and trying and close enough to do so and know it won’t cause an issue.

it is not socially acceptable to approach acquaintances you don’t know why they lost weight and say anything, but you can still tell the person they look great.

compliments are socially acceptable.

It is no longer socially acceptable to comment on someone's weight.

God talk about over thinking it. Who on earth gets a compliment saying you look good and thinks Christ thay means I don’t look good at other times.

how do people function in social situations where some basic compliment has them spiraling.

op, I agree with you, if someone knows you’re trying to lose weight, nothing wrong with a compliment of you look great.

But what comment would you like?

If someone says "have you lost weight?" then if it turns out you've lost weight due to illness, this isn't a great thing to say.

If you say "yes" they then are basically obliged to tell you that you look good, so it's a meaningless compliment. And suggests that you didn't look good before you lost weight, which is insulting.

Or they could just tell you that you look good without mentioning weight, but then that's still not recognising your weight loss.

If you haven't actually lost weight, then they'll get flustered to have mentioned it.

Simplest just to say nothing and hope that you might provide them with a lead in they can reply to. Which, if you are bothered, I'm surprised you didn't provide them with, rather than being hurt because they didn't spontaneously do something they didn't know you wanted?

Exactly this op.

So? I didn’t say she was obese, I said she could be, as it was she was overweight. What’s your point?

I commented a few times recently to be met with they’ve been stressed, ill, depressed so now I wait until they mention something about it themselves.

And there’s a million threads on here commanding people to never comment on any else’s body. People can’t win FFS!!

Your weight is your own business.

I’m sure you wouldn’t have been happy if they commented on your business when you were overweight.

To be obese at 10 stone she would have to be 4ft 8 which whilst not impossible is highly unlikely. Op has now said she is 5ft 2 so not obese.

I never said she took meds, wtf are you on about. I said lots of people are on meds to lose weight.

I lost 8kg in a short space of time recently and I was dreading going out to see friends in case they mentioned it, and I’d have to tell them I was unwell. Unless you’ve been speaking about your diet/ exercise I think people are generally cautious because they don’t want to upset or offend!

My mum asked how much weight I’d lost when I last saw her, I answered her and she just sort of “hmph”d at me. Which I’d say is worse than not mentioning it.

Couldn’t be less bothered. I haven’t lost it for her, I’ve lost it for me, and it’s not her waistline etc.

Rise above it, take your personal victory and pat yourself on the back, you lost weight for your benefit not everyone else’s.

Honestly, someone would need to literally halve for me to comment on their weight. Because I would also be worried they would think I thought they looked fat/ bad before. Safer to say nothing.....

I had a nose job. I felt amazing. No one noticed. I realised people just saw me as I was. My hang up was my hang up. No one thought there was anything wrong with my nose! So people probably just see you as you. It’s not that important to them what weight you are.

I never ever comment on changed appearance, except to praise a new hair style.

I keep seeing these comments about how "these days" you shouldn't mention weight.

It's not a modern thing at all.

Basic old-fashioned good manners dictates not making "personal remarks".

I remember Miss Bates in Emma murmuring how well Emma looks and then catching herself with "mustn't compliment... rude" or similar.

Drawing attention to someone's body is rude, it just is, unless you know them really well and know it would be welcomed.

I hate it when people enthuse about weight loss as if it’s some moral victory. A fat person is still the same human being even if they get thin. Maybe your family value your character and personality more than how much you weigh. YABU.

Honestly on MN there are vociferous attacks on the very idea that anyone would ever comment on anyone else’s body. It’s practically illegal.
it’s taboo to even notice, afaics.

so all the neglect to acknowledge your achievement is actually ‘ polite’.

great, isn’t it?

So you have gone from a BMI of 25 ('just overweight') where people usually look ok to be honest, to a BMI of 20. That's rapid weight loss in someone not really overweight.

You were not overeating that much 😂

YANBU. They didn’t need to mention your weight, they could have just complimented you.

Don’t be deflated, you’ve done amazingly, keep on maintaining if you’re at your target weight. There are some people who will want you to fail unfortunately.