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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt that family did not notice my weight loss?

214 replies

Weightloss1234 · 29/07/2026 10:45

I have name changed for this to not link to other posts. But keep a long story short I have lost over 1 1/2 stone since June. I feel absolutely great and I know I look good, lots of people in work have mentioned it to me.
Here’s where my AIBU comes in. I was at a family gathering the other day…with people I have not seen in a while and some I have seen on and off! Not one person said anything. Now I know I don’t need validation for others. And I do understand that a lot of people are hesitant to comment on peoples appearance but when someone looks good and I know they’ve worked hard in themselves I always say it to them. I just feel a bit deflated I suppose. I know IABU! But it still hurts a little…

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 29/07/2026 19:03

ListenToTheAirport · 29/07/2026 18:02

It's isn't "you look good" (to which I would reply oh thanks!)
It's "Have you lost weight? You look good!" which v strongly implies the reason you look good is because you look thinner. Ergo before, you must have looked fatter, and not as good.

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Yep

Newsenmum · 29/07/2026 19:03

but why are you upset? Size 12 isnt even that big so maybe theyre worried youve been ill or something. Crazy thing to mention.

YourKeenMauveJoker · 29/07/2026 18:42

I'm the same height as OP and recently went from 9stone10 to 8 stone 3. A similar weight loss. I look very different on my frame and lots of people noticed. I was overeating too (it is possible to over eat and eat badly and not be in the over weight category, metabolism plays a role and i was very active). I'm now much healthier and leaner and my running times have got massively better too.

Original poster
Weightloss1234 · 29/07/2026 18:18

HoraceCope · 29/07/2026 17:54

presumably your work colleague saw what you ate?
or saw you every day
or the family dont see you often?

No, I eat at my desk. They go for breakfast/lunch at a different time to me.

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 29/07/2026 18:13

to be honest most people are more interested in themselves, not others

ListenToTheAirport · 29/07/2026 18:02

TheRealGoose · 29/07/2026 12:20

God talk about over thinking it. Who on earth gets a compliment saying you look good and thinks Christ thay means I don’t look good at other times.

how do people function in social situations where some basic compliment has them spiraling.

op, I agree with you, if someone knows you’re trying to lose weight, nothing wrong with a compliment of you look great.

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It's isn't "you look good" (to which I would reply oh thanks!)
It's "Have you lost weight? You look good!" which v strongly implies the reason you look good is because you look thinner. Ergo before, you must have looked fatter, and not as good.

ListenToTheAirport · 29/07/2026 17:58

Culpeper · 29/07/2026 15:03

I’ve learned from MN that many posters think commenting on weight is not welcome - ever.

Some people perhaps don’t want to offend you. I always say to friends or family something like ‘have you lost weight? You look great!’ But I’ve seen comments on here that it is appropriate.

I would be offended if you said that to me, as it implies I didn't look great before.

Pistachiocake · 29/07/2026 17:56

Look at J K's comment about mentioning weight loss. It's great they haven't said anything-it's none of their business, you could be ill and not wanting to talk, and how women look isn't what matters at all, just like they shouldn't be mentioning it if you put on weight.

HoraceCope · 29/07/2026 17:55

my relative had anorexia,
i did Not comment

HoraceCope · 29/07/2026 17:54

presumably your work colleague saw what you ate?
or saw you every day
or the family dont see you often?

Besidemyselfwithworry · 29/07/2026 17:50

ImFckingMattDamon · 29/07/2026 10:48

People are conditioned nowadays to never comment on weight for fear of offending people so I wouldn't take it personally. Congratulations on your weight loss!

This
I once years ago congratulated someone I hadn’t seen for ages on their weight loss and it turned out they had cancer and I’ve never said anything to anyone about their weight since and I think for some people it’s not a subject up for discussion.

Original poster
Weightloss1234 · 29/07/2026 17:48

HoraceCope · 29/07/2026 17:41

i think you should have just told them if you were that bothered.
i imagine your work colleagues know you were dieting and were supportive but the family might not have noticed.

No they didn’t know. I never said anything at all.

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 29/07/2026 17:41

i think you should have just told them if you were that bothered.
i imagine your work colleagues know you were dieting and were supportive but the family might not have noticed.

IsItSnowing · 29/07/2026 17:37

Maybe they are minding their own business. Wish more people would do the same when it comes to other people's weight. I would never comment on someone's weight loss or gain unless they brought it up themselves and invited comment.

Original poster
Weightloss1234 · 29/07/2026 17:25

principalskinna · 29/07/2026 17:03

Yeah, that's not that much of a difference is it?

Maybe it doesn’t look at them, but I have gone from a size 12 to a size 8

OP posts:
shhblackbag · 29/07/2026 17:19

I never comment on people's weight loss (or gain). Others' bodies are none of my business.

hydriotaphia · 29/07/2026 17:18

Fffreeeeezing · 29/07/2026 16:40

I absolutely bloody hate it when people make comments such as this: ‘no hard work involved’ because a GLP1 is involved.

It perpetuates the myth that using GLP1 is as easy as jabbing and then you wait for the magic to happen. They aren’t magic and do require hard work if you’re using them correctly.

I’ve been on one for 16months and have absolutely worked my arse off to lose 10.5 stone.

As to OP’s point. I can count on one hand the number of people that have commented on my loss (including family), people just don’t notice stuff and if they do, they don’t feel comfortable asking.

OP I’m sure you look amazing but to most people you were already small so being very slightly smaller probably won’t register with them

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I’m not commenting on your situation, but personally I have lost significant weight without putting any work in. Felt pretty crummy on the medicine at the start if that helps. Would be much better for my health if I did increase exercise etc but I haven’t done this yet due to other commitments.

fruitable · 29/07/2026 17:15

I lost a lot of weight very quickly when my DF died, it wasn’t intentional the stress literally made it fall off of Me. I hated people mentioning it, every person commented on my weight, how I should eat more, am I taking care of myself etc. etc.
I honestly think no-one should ever comment on anyone’s body or weight, I’ll happily tell a friend that look great or beautiful but i would never comment on their size.

Shizzlestix · 29/07/2026 17:12

I lost half my body weight through surgery (3 years ago today, yay!) I recently met up with several people I hadn’t seen since before the surgery and they didn’t say a word! Another person I met up with also said nothing so I mentioned it and said I was really happy to have had the surgery and she said she didn’t want to say anything in case I’d been ill. It’s a minefield. I’d be mortified if I congratulated somebody on their weight loss but they’d been sick, so I tend to keep my mouth shut. I’m very happy to be told I look good/better and have been open about how I did it and that I haven’t been ill.

principalskinna · 29/07/2026 17:03

Yeah, that's not that much of a difference is it?

PoppieCock · 29/07/2026 16:56

Also, it's ok for others to be completely uninterested in your body OP.

There'll be very few people other than yourself who will think it's worthy of mention, and that's even if they do notice.

Just be pleased for yourself.

Original poster
Weightloss1234 · 29/07/2026 16:52

principalskinna · 29/07/2026 16:43

It depends how big you are because if you were really big one and a half stone won't look much different at all

I went from 10st to just over 8st

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 29/07/2026 16:51

parkintrouble · 29/07/2026 16:36

I wouldn't comment. Just as I wouldnt comment on weight gain. Its impolite. Also weight gain/loss can happen for reasons outside someone's control (I have both gained lots of weight and lost lots of weight as side effects of medication)

This is what I mean. Id never comment on op gaining weight so why comment she’d lost it? Only if you’d specifically told me.

JoleneJoleneJoleneJoleneJolene · 29/07/2026 16:50

Culpeper · 29/07/2026 16:09

I lost some weight. My colleague’s husband met me for the first time and described me as being ‘skinny as a rake’. I was absolutely thrilled.

There’s a scene in Motherland when Liz says to Amanda, ‘you look dangerously thin!’ and Amanda says ‘aw, thank you’. That’d be me 😂

Really not something to aspire to

principalskinna · 29/07/2026 16:43

It depends how big you are because if you were really big one and a half stone won't look much different at all