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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bailing because the 'kids don't want to'

214 replies

holiphant · 29/07/2026 09:58

I have a close friend I met through my son's summer school. She has a boy and a girl and I have my 8yo. I'm close to stopping arranging anything with her, because 50% of the time we will arrange a play date (park, either of our houses, beach etc) and she will message 30 mins beforehand with 'I've asked the kids and they don't fancy it today so can we rearrange' or 'sorry the playstation is on and I don't want to drag them away as they are playing nicely together'

It is driving me nuts. I have never considered asking my son if he still wants the play date then cancelling when he says no, on the same day. Sometimes he will moan because he doesn't want to leave the house, but I tell him that's tough because we said we are going, and they always end up having a lovely time. I feel like it is just disrespectful of my time and then I have a bored and upset 8yo at home.

Is it normal and ok to give kids this much autonomy over this kind of thing? AIBU to find this irritating?

OP posts:
Blogswife · 29/07/2026 10:09

It’s so rude. It’s probably her that doesn’t want to come & she’s using the kids as an excuse . If not shes enabling their selfish behaviour. I’d be blunt and tell her that you’ll only commit if she promises not to bail on you last minute . I had a very good friend who did this often . I had a frank conversation with her about how disrespectful it is . I honestly believe that she thought it didn’t matter , and she no longer does it .

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/07/2026 10:08

Stop making plans with her.

pinkandwhiteroses · 29/07/2026 10:08

Are your kids even friends with each other or are you just arranging these play dates so the adults can hang out?

It reads to me like her kids aren’t interested in playing with yours and so she tries to encourage them but they refuse and she doesn’t want the drama.

Just meet her on your own and leave the kids at home.

SummerSally · 29/07/2026 10:06

Do the kids actually like each other??

My ds7 is usually asking me every five minutes if he has a play date or I’m taking him out on his bike.

perhaps the kids behind the scene just don’t especially like your ds and vice versa!

Pernicketywishes · 29/07/2026 10:06

Really rude. She’s either using them as an excuse because she doesn’t want to/can’t be bothered to come or she’s unable to parent them. “Emily, Zach we’re meeting Holiphant and kids at X at 12 so make sure you get up early if you want any time on Xbox before we go”.
I think she’s using them as an excuse or has had a better (in her eyes) offer.

Original poster
holiphant · 29/07/2026 10:05

NotOnYourEllie · 29/07/2026 10:05

That isn't normal. You shouldn't teach kids that it is ok to cancel something with no notice just because they don't fancy it.

Either she doesn't want to meet up at all and is using the kids as an excuse, (in which case she shouldn't agree to meet up in the first place), or she is choosing to cancel just because the kids don't fancy it!

Half the time it is her who has requested the playdate!

OP posts:
Original poster
holiphant · 29/07/2026 10:05

Poppystone · 29/07/2026 10:04

I'll pretty much guarantee it's her who doesn't fancy it. Playing nicely on the play station? WTF?

Yeah and again, even if I don't fancy something or and shattered, I just pull my socks up and go because anything else feels rude. To me that's just life

OP posts:
NotOnYourEllie · 29/07/2026 10:05

That isn't normal. You shouldn't teach kids that it is ok to cancel something with no notice just because they don't fancy it.

Either she doesn't want to meet up at all and is using the kids as an excuse, (in which case she shouldn't agree to meet up in the first place), or she is choosing to cancel just because the kids don't fancy it!

Poppystone · 29/07/2026 10:04

I'll pretty much guarantee it's her who doesn't fancy it. Playing nicely on the play station? WTF?

Original poster
holiphant · 29/07/2026 10:03

PlannedMove · 29/07/2026 10:00

No, not normal. She's a selfish prick so stop arranging anything with her.

The thing is she isn't selfish in other ways. She'd pick me up at 3am if I asked her! Sometimes it will be a vague plan and she will only half arrange things by saying 'I might be able to do 2pm but will see how the kids are feeling' and again, that's just annoying (but at least I can say no at this point). Even if my son is having a massive tantrum over the play date, we still make every effort to go (he often can't see past his immediate task). It always ends fine!

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 29/07/2026 10:03

No that’s not normal imo! Very disrespectful of your time and I’d not be arranging anything else with them.

hugasaurus · 29/07/2026 10:02

I’d find this annoying too. I have a friend like this who seems totally at the mercy of her children’s whims. I’d just stop arranging stuff as it’s not fair on your child either to be constantly disappointed.

Marroon · 29/07/2026 10:01

She’s a terrible friend, don’t go out of your way to make plans with her again.

PlannedMove · 29/07/2026 10:00

No, not normal. She's a selfish prick so stop arranging anything with her.