AIBU to think SAHMs are lazy?

I said this. I left a very high paying job where I was quite senior. I expect I could go back because I still see my old bosses and they always ask me when I'm returning haha. I don't think they're joking, as I was very effective at my job and always achieved my bonus targets.

Nope no one has said to me being aSAHM (after my second) was ‘lazy’. We were fortunate to be able to afford one working parent and as I had my kids in my 40s I’d already worked for almost 20 years. I got involved with the school and I think my kids really benefitted from me being around. I certainly wasn’t sitting on my butt all day watching TV. And I don’t think that’s a judgement that’s made online either.

I know quite a few women who returned to work. As a small business we hired SAHMs to work for us on a contracting basis, they were friends of mine who previously had worked in a professional careers before stopping work to look after their kids - lawyers, hr consultants, analysts and economists - we didn't need them full time - they were very flexible and they were very well paid and they made a valuable contribution. Employers can be very open to these kinds of arrangements. Of course returning to work can be difficult due to confidence levels but from what I've seen - that quickly returns.
There's a lot of untapped talent out there - SAHMs can return to work successfully but there are obstacles - most of them exist only in the minds of narrow minded employers.

Why lazy? It may be an easier way of life for the SAHM but that’s ok. I would never think someone was lazy because they don’t go to work. It’s definitely easier than working full time and carrying the household roles and parenting especially if your partner works more hours or is not as useful at home. I’ve been both and SAHM is much more relaxed and time for myself. But I wouldn’t say it’s lazy. I work out at gym a lot and do long dog walks and have time to do deep cleaning when and where I want around the home. I definitely didn’t have the time for all that when working full time. It’s ridiculous to say that SAHM have it hard and carrying all the parenting and house responsibilities etc because working parents do that too as well as work. However being at home doesnt make you lazy either. Bizarre opinion piece, likely for a media outlet to gather some stats.

That’s a really important point about the state pension (which I’d forgotten). I was thinking about something to mitigate not paying into an occupational pension. Both need to be talked about more given that SAHMs & others with caring responsibilities miss out on pension contribution through not working.

Reskilling does probably mean entry level pay - again that’s worth talking about given the reports on how motherhood affects women’s careers.

You & your colleagues are fortunate in your employer. Not all women are equally lucky as the stats on the effect of motherhood on women’s careers show.

Being able to be a stay at home parent is a luxury for many.
I could afford it for a while and so did it. I don't care if I was labelled lazy I probably was. I mean being at home with small children gave me a flexibility you don't get with working. I work now because we need the money and honestly I did way less as an at home parent and I was able to do things in my time.

So yeah to an extent I guess but who really cares. If you can afford the luxury of being at home with the kids then I can't imagine why you'd feel self concious or care what anyone else thinks because the fact is for the most part it IS easier than trying to work while you have kids.

They’re also very on top at school because that becomes a central focus on their lives I guess.

Working mums can be just as on top, if not more. It depends how efficient your are, and what your priorities are.

People who can't cope with 2 schools emails a week generally seem to have enough time to be on MN and watch the latest Netflix/ Sky programs. Some working mums prefer to be efficient during the week and have all their weekend free.

I don't, I've maintained my identity outside of having a child. Maybe because I had him quite late so had plenty of time to determine who I am. I have plenty of things to talk about, because I have lots of interests.

I struggle to keep onto op of the house (more accurately my husband and I don't adequately keep on top of the house) and so does my sahm friend. When we meet up she chats about how we both have similar tendencies to avoid chores etc. except I'm in the house a total of 3 hours a week without children while she has 5 days 9-3 child free. Our issues are not the same. We are massively time poor as a family. It's about to be easier now my youngest is about to start school but it shocks me she can't see we have entirely different issues.

If her kids are sick it's a pain and worry but her day involved being home anyway, if mine are sick I need to inconvenience my department and patients and deal with the work fallout and when it happens repeatedly it's more of an issue. If she's ill her husband takes the day off work to have the kids but that's because he never has to take a sick day for sick children, we juggle days for sick kids so have nothing left to support each other when ill.

School holidays, no big deal, she's home anyway, her husband doesn't need to adjust his leave schedule either because she's home. It makes logistics much easier. I don't think it's lazy there's still plenty to be done and I could fill my days productively every single day on mat leave and still be tired at the end of the day but now, with working as well it's just constantly spinning plates and inevitably some get dropped.

I used to be a SAHM, we had three under the age of three. Now our children are all teens and I work full time.
I would do anything to quit and go back to being a SAHM as it was so much easier and I was much happier!!!

but why? You don't need a job to be "busy". There are a million things people can do which mean they have a tight schedule and no time whatsoever to sit down and watch TV. Now it might all be a choice, but it doesn't make them any less busy.

I have read some posters on here claiming they were "flat out" because they worked 9 to 4, and their husband was out 1 or 2 nights a week so they couldn't cope with the sheer amount of things they had to do 😂. It's all relative isn't it.

between the ages of 1-3 I worked part time mornings only and that was bloody hard work. I’d get the train at 7 and drop Dd off then get the bus to work. Finish at 1 and get the bus back then get Dd and entertain her for the afternoon, cook dinner and tidy up etc. do bedtime most of the time. Ppl used to say you’re so lucky having every afternoon off 😂

Can't see what's wrong with being lazy if you've got the money. What annoys me is folk that don't work but pretend they're busy even if they have one child at school and a cleaner.

@SerenaCat93 - If you are an educated woman, I'm surprised you would, apparently in all seriousness, be pontificating about SAHMs when you know two. Two!

It's like me basing my whole idea of 'WOHMs' (as they are called in MN, but nowhere else) based on two women I may know who work in Tesco. Or whatever. Ridiculous!

I have known hundreds of SAHMs over the years, as well as hundreds of women who work full-time and just about everything and anyone in-between. As if any of this correlates to the 'success' of their daughters. How do you define 'success' anyway? You do realise that - very often - SAHMs are SAHMs precisely because they are highly educated and in high net worth families. Children in those demographics have access to the top independent schools, tutors and all sorts of advantages. If you think SAHMs are all forlorn women, shuffling about with a mop, well come and meet the women in my area - and many, many areas like it where there are high proportions of SAHMs or women who work flexibly. Highly educated, competent and doing allsorts in the U.K. and around the world.

It all comes down to if your lucky enough to be able to do it without claiming benefits you are doing the best thing and good on you. * I realise there are people with children with disabilities who have had their choices removed and feel 100 for them. Generally for others being able to do as you please is a blessing.

you completely ignored my post

I only know 2 SAHMs
clearly

and you can't realise that there are all kind of SAHM, some with a much better career than you will ever have. There are also women with minimum wage boring jobs they hate, hardly a good example.

A girl needs to see women achieving and showing them what's possible,
having a great career, buying a house, having savings and be in the position to make the CHOICE to spend time with their kids. I can think of a lot worst examples.

naive when they think they can just go back to work after a 5 year.gap in the middle of an employment crisis.
and yet, how many women are back at work when the kids are in secondary.

They wouldn't be able to compete. depends who they are "competing" with and what field they are in, surely?

Helps when some use the last years of their SAH time to re-qualify and go ahead someone who is stagnant in their job 😂

I've always worked but I think they are brilliant (well obviously as with any demographic, there might be some lazy ones who do nothing and let the kids watch screens) and many do volunteer work, help with elderly relatives and neighbours. Only a few generations ago, housewives were the norm, and many of us would love to spend more time with kids and have all the jobs done in the day, so the whole family can relax at night and at weekends.

This
my mum said to me NEVER be reliant on ANyONe else
earn your own money
contribute
and don’t make yourself vulnerable

yes we pay for childcare but if my partner left or died I’d be ok financially

SAHMs are the oil in the machine. Everything works better and smoother. But it doesn't stay static.

I've got to disagree with this.

My niece hates the fact my sister is/was a SAHM. Children are grown up now so she's not a SAHM, just unemployed. My daughter agrees. Both think she sets a terrible example to women.

My take is that equality means the ability to make a decision that's best for the family and if that's staying at home whilst the children are young so be it.

Where it gets difficult is men losing their patience once children are at school. Whatever their husband says, they're thought of as lazy, especially when most seem to have a cleaner, ironer etc

I would say the person who goes to work has it easier, particularly if the children are at home full-time

Yes my personal experience of SAHMs is limited. But I am a professional mum and none of my colleagues have ever given up their careers when having children, that's why I've never met an educated well accomplished SAHM isn't it. It's less common.

Personal anecdotes aside, you're probably an outlier because research has found that the daughters of working mothers achieve more highly than daughters of SAHMs. The role modelling of mothers to their daughters matters. But also partly because the education level of the mother is the most predictive factor in the achievement of children and the higher level a woman is educated to the less likely she is to leave employment when becoming a mother so it's a bit chicken and egg. And before you try to deny this too MN is full of SAHMs saying they hated their mental jobs and we're glad to give them up to stay at home. An interesting and fulfilling career something most mothers fight to keep.

Oh and people do care. I care. I care about that poor little girl who thinks the only thing waiting in her future is an endless pile of ironing. She's 8. She deserves to be inspired and believe achieving can be for her too. It's tragic.

Oh don't be daft @SerenaCat. You only know 2 SAHMs, by your own admission. This is very limited. SAHMs are as diverse as any other women. This goes without saying! SAHMs are in all kinds of circumstances and walks of life. My DDs went to Oxford and St As. One was earning over £100k aged 24. And yes, she had an SAH mum. Just imagine! The horror. There is nothing stopping either of them doing whatever they want. And it's the same for the DSs. Anyway, if and when they have kids, they'll organise their lives in whatever way makes sense to them. Literally nobody cares. People have all kinds of working structures and family set-ups.

I think some are lazy? Some are worked off their tod.
Im not sure i could be that enthusiastic about cleaning every day - I'd probably be lazy, do a side gig and hire a cleaner....