AIBU to think SAHMs are lazy?

Wow, there is some real sensitivity on here.

I don’t think they sound angry, it’s you who does, I assume the poster hit a nerve.

I dont think SAHMs are lazy, and I'm sure it must be hard to not get much adult interaction. I'd also choose not to work if I could afford to do so.
However, I don't agree it's "harder" than FT work and it gets me irate when people suggest it is.
You don't have the stress of who's going to take the kids to doctors appointments, running late for pickups, who takes time off if they're ill. Working parents don't get to just clock off when they get home - dinner still needs cooking, kids need bathing and helping with homework, chores and errands have to be done at weekends... SAHPs can do some of that stuff in the day especially if kids are school age. You still have to be the same parent, just work on top of it.

You sound very angry, projecting perhaps? Why is someone else's life choice such a sore point for you?

True, indeed. However, uncoupling is not uncommon and it is very easy for the income provider to just stop providing.
DH was a SAHD for a while and I consider myself a reasonably decent person - he had full access to all accounts, could spend what he wanted. But let's say we ended up divorcing - depending on the reason, I may have not been totally happy to keep supporting him after that as well, to the standard he was accustomed to. And 'just going back to work' after a 10+ year gap on CV is not that simple.
I've seen too many uncouplings and women desperately trying to get a few quid just for their children, never mind themselves, from previously decent husbands, so personally I would find it too risky. Different story if you're independently wealthy, of course, but that changes many things.

But the thread has been totally derailed.

Now, I don't think SAHMs are lazy. I do thing that many have a lot of free time, so they start stretching things to fill the hours, and something a working parent does in 15 min after work becomes a full day activity. But maybe they then do it to a better standard.

do MOST?

You are confusing your opinion with reality.

If you can't comprehend that a SAH parent is more than "organisation and routine", it's a good thing you are not one 😂

You also spectacularly chose to ignore the families where it's anything but fine, just look on this forum.

Maybe you can be nothing else than being defined by your job title. That happens. It's not true for everyone. Many people, even with an astonishing career, still have enough personality, interests and drive to be just as confident without their job.

Why are you so unable to function without your role? That's a bit sad.

They may work fine, but I think my family works better with DH and I playing to our strengths

Choices are individual. My choice to be a SAHM doesn’t affect you or your family at all. Why do you care that some women gave up work once they had children?

also, to really infuriate you, I should point out I actually took redundancy in December 2015, didn’t work until June 2017, left there in November 2018 and had my first child in December 2019 and I’ve only just turned 40!

I don't think SAHM are lazy but I also don't think it's the hardest job in the world or even a job.

And yet most families work just fine without someone with admin experience bringing 'organisation and routine' to a household FT.

Just because you think my having a vagina has something to do with the role I have within my family, doesn’t make it true!

I haven’t dedicated my life to cooking and cleaning - my DH actually does more cooking overall than I do as he enjoys it more.

I have dedicated my life to running my household, playing to my individual strengths of organisation and routine.
prior to being a SAHM I worked in admin roles, thriving on the organisation and routine I now bring into our household.

DH may provide the money to keep our family going, but I am the one who keeps it going.
my children understand that both mum and dad have “jobs” that work in tandem together to provide them with the life they have.

you seem intent on ignoring the fact that it’s ok for some people to be a SAHP and that it works for them and their family. It doesn’t have to work for you, and that’s ok

Who's dense here...

Why do you think many people chose to have kids as a couple, so yes, it's optional for both to have a source of income. One income is enough for the family.

Have you missed that in some families, the mum works and earn a living, and DAD is the SAH parent? Shocking 😂

Wow, that's quite a barbed comment. Do you feel better after submitting that? 😎

.

No one is this dense, surely. If you have an independent source of income, or have just won some lifechanging sum the lottery, sure, it's optional. Otherwise, no, being able to support yourself and your child is never optional.

says who? Obviously it can become not only optional but completely redundant.

Not all choices are equal.
some seem bringing more judgement than others I give you that.

The vast majority of SAHMs are looking after young children which is exhausting and relentless. I really can’t fathom why so many people are compelled to bash them as lazy.

Why not pour that energy into bashing people who take a gap year? Or who retire 1 or 2 years early? how do those choices to leave the workforce for the same amount of time as most SAHMs go without judgement, but spend a couple of years with your own children when they are at their most vulnerable and all of a sudden you SHOULD BE EARNING MONEY.

Everyone understands choices. Not all choices are equal. However you used to make a living does not suddenly become optional the moment you ush out the placenta.

It's astonishing that some women are incapable of understanding choices. Or pretend they don't.

Some women prioritise their job and their careers. Great. We need CEO, Surgeons, Air Force Pilots, Teachers, Nobel Prices, Finance Directors, Photographers, Journalists and the list goes on. We do need them, and they SHOULD be able to also be a mother. They can do both.

Other women are allowed to WANT a career break or to change their career entirely, and their priority is to spend as many years with their kids as they can. We need that too.

Instead of looking at them and realising that it's a lucky and great partnership to have find a husband who supports their choices and is happy to take on the financial burden for awhile or for ever, it's pathetic that some can't see any further than: "sad you having to make diner". Completely missing the point.

You are not as financially safe if as if you kept your job! So? Maybe they're not. That wasn't their priority. You don't have kids to make you money anyway. If something happens, they just go back to work and don't spend as much time as they wanted with their kids.

The fake concern and fake pity are ridiculous.

Fantastic demonstration of the point. Congratulations.

Far sadder to see women deluding themselves that making themselves incapable of supporting themselves financially is some kind of heroic sacrifice for the good of the 'family', when usually it means 'I married a dud who isn't prepared to do half the childcare and domestic stuff.'

I don’t mind you asking at all, I value people showing curiosity about each other’s lives.

So I do enjoy cleaning and gardening. I always did even when working FT myself, I never outsourced it. I’m very organised and tidy, so a clean and tidy home is essential for me. I would worry about the level of detail if someone else did it, I just about delegate the outsides of my windows after it taking a while to find someone honest who does a thorough job. If I spend even 1 hour gardening in the fresh air I feel brilliant for hours afterwards, same as after a swim. It’s enjoyable doing raking and watering with my little ones after school too.

DH and I shared all tasks pre-children, but wasted a whole day of our weekends doing that. We both spend time at weekends taking our children to swimming lessons, parties, etc, so no longer want to spend that time doing cleaning/food shop. He’s a teacher, so in school holidays we actually default back to doing everything domestic 50:50.

I personally have felt much calmer and happier spending more time at home than I did when working FT. I don’t feel resentful about doing things for my husband or children. What I knew I would feel extremely resentful about was if I had returned to my previous job, which had zero flexibility, and missing every single thing at my own children’s schools. I was never going to put up with that, and I do not miss the money. Time and memories are worth more.

My favourite thing about life now is I have complete autonomy over my own time and schedule, way more than I ever did at work. I never feel conflicted or guilty trying to do two different roles at once. That wouldn’t suit me, I like clearly defined tasks and timings.

Great to hear you’ve found a system that works for your family too.

Its sad how judgemental women are of others choices.

Working or not working doesnt make anyone a better parent or person.
Many women (and men) actually do both roles at different times in their childrens lives.

I think many aren’t, but many are if I’m honest, some are in there entertaining their kids, teaching them, playing with them, taking them out, some are sitting them with a screen and scrolling their phones.

it’s like anything, you get good and bad.

i don’t really consider parents of school age kids stay at home parents , more house wives or house husbands.

Lazy attempt OP

I’m a SAHM/SAHW and my kids are both in school, my kids are off school for the holidays around 3.5months a year and after school drops I have 5.5 hours a day to do what I deem necessary.

cleaning my home, cooking, finances, organising, gardening, keeping fit to me is my job.

I don’t work at all anymore I stopped at age 34, best thing I ever did, I bring peace calm and organisation to our world.

even though I don’t work I have control of all the finances, I’m not drip fed money each week, my husband has no time to deal with finances:

I only stopped working when i knew if worst case scenario happened eg divorce or death I could still purchase a home cash and work very minimal, and my husband would be in the same boat.