AIBU to think SAHMs are lazy?

Indeed. Parkinson's Law ("work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion") is very real.

Normal? I don't know anyone that does this! But then I don't know any rich people.

Not sure the goal of this thread, SAHM not lazy, lucky.

as I also described above, you will stretch the tasks out if you have more time to fill. And vice versa. Another former SAHM friend of mine was always marvelling how I do it all, she is so busy, days all full, no way could she manage it all and also work.
Well, she went back to work and manages just fine. Busy people need to be more efficient.

Yes this. It becomes their identity and when their children grow up they have nothing. This was my mother. And sadly for her never changed.

Yeah I do see this attitude on here. The "why aren't you working?" If kids are school aged.

FWIW I have one toddler and work part time, I think do whatever is in the family's best interests.

But all of these things have to be done by parents who WOTH as well. I never managed to outsource clothes shopping, for instance. And as I say, I had no partner to share the load. It genuinely puzzles me why that needs a full time adult. I'm not dissing your set up - as you say, it works well for you, that's great. But I really am bewildered by it - unless you have a mansion with grounds, 47 kids or a child(ren) with additional needs.

It makes you laugh? Weird given it’s perfectly normal.

You sound very judgy.

You are also incorrect about them being ‘unemployed’. The correct term is ‘economically inactive’, as they are not actively seeking work. Those who are ‘unemployed’ are those who are out of work, but actively applying for jobs. Homemaker/housewife/househusband remain categories to select on official forms, etc.

Children aren’t at school for over 13 weeks of the year, so SAHPs are then with their children 24/7. I know working parents who send their children for a week with one set of GPs, a week with another, a week at one paid holiday club then another, etc. The level of direct care provided by parents during school holidays can vary hugely!

I don't think stay at home mums are lazy as looking after young kids is tiring and all consuming and it's lovely to be able to be with them while they are small. However, once your child/children have started school, you aren't a SAHM anymore, you're unemployed. It makes me laugh when the kids are at school and they still call themselves a SAHM.

In the time I was a SAHM to school age children, aand they were in school, I was..

• gym time (DH did his during work hours as his job had mandantory fitness training
• grocery shopping

• housework and DIY
• eating lunch
• parents medical appointments
• school appointments

I think it turns into one when you don’t work.

i have two friends who retired early, 5o and 52. Things like this are now a job to her, she will say tomorrow I need to order x’s birthday gifts, like it’s a thing and not something you can do in a few mins, other little pearls are tomorrow I am going to the dentist, then wed I need to go to the supermarket and then on Thursday change the beds, Friday I will hoover. She starts cooking mid afternoon and spends hours at it cooking everything from scratch, so making dinner is a big part of her day now. Breakfast also needs to be planned.

all this normal home stuff she did of an evening or weekend when she was working,and didn’t give it a second thought, now they are all full on jobs. Dinner she still made from scratch but wouldn’t spend two or three hours at it.

its all expanded to be a big work load.and now she’s so busy she doesn’t know how she ever worked, as by the time she’s up, showered, dressed, made breakfast, gone to the dentist, and then made dinner her day is done.

But everyone has to do all of this stuff. DH and I do all of this

True, we do all of this (and outsource some) but I'm sure if I was SAHM or retired, I could spend more time doing those tasks. Like a SAHM friend of mine, she spends her entire Wednesday every week grocery shopping. Does a weekly review of their pantry and freezer, detailled meal plans and shopping lists, checks for all the current discounts and offers, collects all coupons and goes to 3-5 different shops to get the best deals. Takes her the entire day.

I usually think that hmm I would like to eat something with salmon, google a few recipes, drop by supermarket on my way home, 10-15 min. Could happen I buy something we already have in the fridge and I probably would have gotten a better deal somewhere else, if I had time to shop around.
So one can certainly argue her grocery shopping was done to a higher standard. But in the end, both families were fed.

For example last night I ordered two gifts from Amazon for my niece’s birthday. It took less than one minute. It’s not something I would class as a job.

But everyone has to do all of this stuff. DH and I do all of this except for cleaning as we pay for a cleaner. And we both work FT. It’s just not that big a deal, it’s just normal life with a family.

Some households maybe don’t need a “full time manager”, some households might, some households may run better if they did have one.

I also haven’t said I’m busier than a WOHP or tried to “justify” my role as a SAHM, but it works for our family.

it’s all subjective.

in our home, I am responsible for:
food shopping
clothes shopping
cleaning
gardening
repairs and DIY (either carrying out those tasks or arranging others)
majority of school runs for 2 children
majority of kids parties & activities
incidentals (gifts for birthdays, Christmases for our children, family members and kids friends)
arranging days out, holidays and other things to do as a family
appointments - arranging and attending with kids

i am also on the PTA as treasurer, I assist with our family’s charitable trust as well as assisting DH with the admin relating to the events he arranges as part of his role as fundraising chair for a charity.

if I was to decide, at any time, this set up was no longer working for me, DH would have no issue with me going back to work and us splitting the domestic load

I have worked with plenty of lazy people and known stay at home parents who accomplish loads every day. Some people have challenges that achieving small steps might be a huge accomplishment in a day, others might not be bothered to do anything.
Best not to generalis and if you have to form an opinion then base it on individual facts.

"sensitivity"? Funny you say that . I call someone out on a unpleasant post and that's the best you can come up with because I replied? 😂

I find it very amusing when small people try to patronise me and anger me trying to get a reaction instead of coming out with a valid argument.

I'd more interested WHY people have such a reaction and opinion on something that does not concern them at all. It makes 0 difference to your life if your neighbour woks full time, part-time, shifts, or doesn't work at all. Why do you take her choice so personally?

Well no not really.

but I do see a lot of sensitivity on here about it.

stay at home parents really should bring value to the family, but the reality is it’s now less than 10 percent of women and mainly working class, and then upper middle, the very wealthy, For many it’s far from the luxurious life choice made out to be, it’s due to child care costs and low income jobs.

of course some are lazy, some are great parents, there is nothing to say just as you’re home you’re a good parent, many are short tempered, lazy, resentful, others are born to it and enjoy being with their children, doing housework, and of course many are in reality in this situation due to financial reasons or as they hated their low income unskilled job, and are married to some no mark who just doesn’t get involved or respect the fact they are home.

there is no one answer, but of course many women make themselves financially very vulnerable when they do it, they stop paying into a pension, are not married to a high earner, live a life with just getting by, with a man who doesn’t respect them,

of course for some money is not an issue, they are there and respected, great hands on parents etc.

there is no one stereotype. We know this, we also know statistically only ten percent of mothers are now financially inactive and it is largely working class women,

Thank you, this was really interesting.

It made me realise a few things:

I absolutely hate cleaning and gardening! I think I had assumed everyone did.

I think the nature of your job matters a lot. We have between us never missed a school event so far, I don't think I would like a job that wasn't flexible either.

I also think I actually get more stressed when I don't have structure, I don't feel free, I start to get unproductive/sink into doom scrolling etc!

You sound really happy which is lovely!

Some people are lazy. Full stop. All women are judged, whatever they do.

@MsSquiz I’m genuinely puzzled at why organising a house needs a full time manager. I speak as someone with two kids, single parent, who worked throughout their childhoods. They are grown up now but even so I can’t imagine what needs “organising” 24/7. This is a genuine question. I’d love to know what your week of organising looks like. I feel like a right slouch now!

Why do you presume someone has “married a dud” because 2 people in a partnership are playing to their strengths?

have you ever considered that some SAHP enjoy what they do just as much as the WOHP parent?

@ThankYouNigelthat sounds like a wonderful life for you all. To give another perspective on @villadicance how I felt was the reason I went back PT. I found I couldn't relax at home without constantly looking around with a critical eye and I found myself getting really angry with DC for messing up the cleaning I had just done, even if they were just making a snack. I accepted maybe it wasn't the best for me. I didn't need the money so got a very low hours PT job and funnily enough found I had more energy to run the household because I was happier and more fulfilled. The kids weren't even aware really that i was working because I was home well before them and always there during school holidays. I'm still the primary homemaker and as kids get older it works out well, I get on top of things mid week and we all relax at weekends. Everyone I know working FT seems to find weekends busy and stressful but we had lots of family time. I consider us to be exceptionally lucky. I can't understand why people are so sneery about it.

You don’t think that poster sounds angry? Have you even read all of their posts?