AIBU to think SAHMs are lazy?

Yes I think it can make sense for a family unit to have a SAHM.

SAHM with younger children - absolutely not lazy!!

SAHM with older children/teenagers - I don’t really see how they’re doing anything different to what a working parent would have to do at home. Unless they don’t get any support from their DP. I don’t think I’d use the word lazy but by that age they probably have a much easier life than parents trying to juggle work and everything else.

SAHP benefit others: the spouse and the kids.

I’m sure some are lazy and some aren’t, in the same way as working people. My MIL is just naturally a lazy person, she’s had periods of SAHM and working, she would have been lazy in both! Now she’s retired and can be lazy all she likes! (Jealous!).

SAHMs are not lazy by nature at all, especially those with young children who will be very busy!

I don’t know many SAHMs as I live and work in London and kids go to state school, most families have 2 working parents (usually 1 part time). In the private schools I imagine there are more 1 very high earner and 1 SAHP.

my friends husband was a SAHD for a few years, you’d struggle to call him lazy im not sure I’ve ever seen the man sitting, he’s always on the go doing something.

You have asked two contradictory AIBUs! You can’t know which one people have answered so your results are meaningless.

And why are SAHMs always getting the slagging for being ‘lazy’. Why not working dads with SAHWs?. After all, a SAHW means they have opted out of working AND domestic drudgery/ looking after the kids. leaving only the work bit to do. So why are they never called lazy?

And despite not being a SAHM ( I work full time with kids) I have firmly come to nelieve that the vitriol on here is borne of jealousy. Why else would anyone care how another family freely decide to organise their lives?

Mmmmmmmm without working parents no ICU I’ve ever worked in would have been staffed…….

Sometimes our choices benefit others.

I think people can forget as time goes on how hard kids can be for extended periods of time. So in generalist terms the older the population the more inclined to think it's easy and sahm should do morem. Also most men haven't had an extended period of time being a sahp.
I was sahp for 7 years. Never again!

AIBU to think sometimes a sahm is in a family’s best interest?

I don't think so. I think that the way Society is set up, is not doing any favours for a lot of people. As usual the more vulnerable members of Society suffer, especially the Children.

I think it's possible to be working and be a lazy person and it's possible to not be working and not be lazy. I could quite my job now (not that I can afford to) and I still wouldn't be a lazy person because I would go for hours long walks in the mountains with my dog and I would still cycle to do my food shopping, go to the gym, renovate my home, spend time with my friends, do my volunteering etc.. I would just do more of the physically active things and a lot less of sitting in front of a computer.

I am a SAHM and yes totally lazy rest is resistance to me 💫

I don't like the model of (1) man with a big job and (2) SAHM as i think it's bad for equality in society overall

And TBH the SAHM near me, secondary school children, have a pretty easy life

And I think it's risky to be financially dependent someone else

But clearly different if you have several preschool children with additional support needs

I don't think a SAHM is lazy at all as often their DH/DP expects them to do everything and therefore they are "working" 247.

It's absolutely not advisable to be a SAHM if you are not married as you are very vulnerable if the relationship ends.

You are at a disadvantage being an SAHM being out of the workplace I think/missing out on a workplace pension.

I think working part-time is the best answer. So many employers offer flexible working these days.

That's absolutely not the only difference.

I don’t think they are lazy but of course they have way more time once kids are in school. The school SAHM’s I know go for coffee and then a long gym session after school drop off, before going home to do chores etc. I’m a bit jealous!

I find mos people have no idea about the reality of others lives, especially strangers.

Respectfully, the only difference between their choices and yours is that they’ve chosen not to make themselves economically dependent.

I don’t think they are lazy but find it odd when still saying they are a SAHM when kids are teens. Personally it wasn’t for me, I would never want to be financially reliant on a man.

I'm a SAHM. If a working parent had the cheek to call me lazy, I'd give them my opinion on their choices and I'm sure they wouldn't like it.

@JugBouquet all of them?!

Out here in the real world.....
No one cares if someone is a SAHM and most likely doesn't spend their time thinking about whether that person is lazy or not.

I don’t think they’re lazy, no. I think they’re making a deeply unwise decision, though.

SAHPs are in general not lazy. Working parents have double duty though often doing many of the SAHP tasks and having to fit in 40 hours (or however many) paid hours of work, plus commute plus nursery or childcare drop offs and pick ups. That’s a lot of extra pressure imho. Working parents only experience SAHP lifestyle usually when on ‘annual leave/holiday’. I’ve done both. Working parenting imho is overall much harder but both are valuable.

Gosh what an undocumented and unusual topic op!! brava for the ingenuity! 👏

No, presumably they are doing the childcare that they would otherwise have to pay for if they didn't stay at home.

I'd always caution that they need to create the possibility of financial independence if it's needed, especially if they're not married and relying on a partner's income, but that's an entirely different question.