AIBU to think SAHMs are lazy?

I’ve said it on here before but my mum worked her whole life and died poor. She was also married to my bio father, working full time and he left her in a much worse position than I’d be if my husband left me, a SAHM. It’s not one size fits all and frankly no one else’s business how someone’s family chooses to care for their children. I’m certainly not lazy but if someone thinks I am then that’s not something I can or want to do anything about.

The core tasks a SAHM does can be outsourced and paid for and is called a job/career - until the Mother does it and is expected to do it without complaint.

@Fluffyscrubberdo I work from home FT now and whilst I do full-time hours 9-5.30, I still feel much lazier than if I had to go out to work. I don’t have the early start for getting dressed up and commuting as I once did and I don’t have the commute home. I benefit from sticking a couple of wash loads on during the day and being home for when my kids return from school and cooking dinner at an appropriate hour. So I don’t have that frantic evening having to get on top of things having been OUT at work all day. Being at home is a much more relaxed life, so lazier than going out to work.

So, on this basis and without even a paid job at home to do, I’m going to say yes, SAHM mums are lazy.

As a single working parent with quite a few SAHM friends, I’d say that their lives were much easier than mine. Not that they were lazy.

Are you putting together an article or something

So what is your opinion then ? That a woman’s place is in the home ?

I’m a SAhm and my kids are In nursery 2 and 3 times a week ( eldest does 3) no judgement just people saying they wish they could do it. I judge myself tho- I assumed my house would be spotless and I’d be baking fresh bread everyday. Somehow it’s not the case

Some SAHM are there to home school because their child school refuses. Are they lazy?

If you can afford to be a SAHM and want to be it's a very sensible choice, trying to do everything is really hard and childcare is really expensive so unless you have a good job you don't gain much income by working.

i can’t vote as both can be true. I have no doubt that some SAHM are lazy and some work hard and are doing what’s best for their family. The same would apply to working parents. We are all different, whether we work or not.

Why would I class a whole group of people who I don’t know as lazy?

no I don’t think SAHMs as a group are lazy. Will there be some lazy individuals SAHMs? Of course. Same as there are lazy people who go to work.

Yet another click bait where the OP plops a controversial statement and runs, never to be heard of again. MN is supposed to be a discussion board rather than let's post provocative comments without any intention of actual discussion or engagement but simply to wind people up.

@Mumsnet-I know this is really difficult to police but is there anything that can be done to clamp down on such threads.

Well it depends.

once the kids have started school and still being a SAHP..….

I’ve done both working parent and stay at home parent. I actually found the sweet spot for me was working part time and at home part time.

full time working and parenting is the hardest gig

I really don’t care what other people do

Do they really though? When I was on maternity leave with each of my children I did the vast majority of household chores and childcare. H dealt with the children when he could but he often didn't back from work until late or worked nights. He has all his clothes washed and ironed, his house is kept (relatively) clean, and he gets to rest when he comes home. I work part time now too but still do the majority of the housework. My husband has a very stressful job but even he says it's harder mentally to stay at home with three children!

So you judge others' choices but don't like them judging yours?

I don't think SAHPs are lazy but I think you sound just as negative and judgemental about WOHMs as people who describe SAHMs as lazy sound about SAHPs.

I wouldn’t use the word lazy. When she had three under four and no help from my workaholic dad, things must have been hard. But once we went to school, I did used to wonder what she did all day. She never had to work and never did (was an academic, but didn’t do anything with that once we arrived). She didn’t like cooking, or cleaning, so I presume she had a lovely time wafting through life with similar friends, lol.

I don’t think SAHMs are lazy. I couldn’t do it personally. The idea of relying on someone else financially just makes my skin crawl to be honest . I just find the notion of a woman giving up her career and the man being the one who works really old fashioned and not appealing. Then again I grew up in a household where both parents worked .

I think SAHM is a solution to an issue, managing childcare and the home, in the early childhood years.

I also think SAHM's are mad to do it. They leave themselves very vulnerable as the thousands of SAHM's on MN who have been shafted by their exes prove. I would never have been a SAHM having seen exactly that happen to my mum.

If you want to end your life in poverty, be a SAHM. It's too big a risk.

You know something, this is actually preferable to the woman who admits she uses the affair that led to her marriage for trolling and goading (her words). I guess we should take it.

Why the title? Because you don't think that at all. 🙄

Ooh I like that you said brava not bravo.

I only ever worked weekends when dc were under school age and then just 20 hours a week.
I wasn’t lazy but I certainly had a lovely, easy life.
I have wonderful memories of sitting in the garden with friends, drinking tea, dc playing. My pension is shit and if Dh had left me I would have been screwed financially but luckily it worked out and I feel very privileged to have had that choice.

I think everyone is different and people are complicated.

I personally found working much easier than looking after my own children. But I think a lot of that is that I am an introvert and find parenting quite intense. Also I find working quite easy and satisfying - I have a senior professional role but I know what I'm doing and I'm highly valued for it

I don’t admire them, and def don’t want to be one. When kids are at school, it’s much easier than juggling a job and kids, but I don’t think that makes them ‘lazy’ as such. Anyway, I don’t give it any thought in real life.

Nothing in your post makes any sense.