AIBU To Point Out Opinions You Don’t See Outside Of Mumsnet …?

@Fluffyscrubberdoexsctly 😆

I know plenty of men, cousins, my brothers, my in-laws, friends, family friends, colleagues etc who are married and/or have kids etc. Absolutely none of them have forgotten their parents, they are still close with their families and have parents who are involved grandparents. But the general consensus on here seems to be that if you have a boy, they forget their families once they meet a girl, never speak to their parents again and if they have kids, the husbands parents will be second rate grandparents. It's something I never see happen in real life.

Similarly with MIL. Most people I know have normal, healthy relationships with their in-laws. They maybe don't see eye to eye on somethings but they don't view their MILs as some demon spawn from hell who can't be trusted with their child. They don't threaten to go no contact over the most tiniest of incidents. And they recognise their in-laws are equal grandparents and do what they can to encourage this relationship. They dont refuse to let their MIL hold her newborn grandchild unless she's deep cleaned the house or any other such nonsense you read on here.

Similarly everyone I know has balanced approach to most things for example like weaning and UPF food. You see on here all the time people will read a book on UPF or baby led weaning and then think is it the GOSPEL on how you should do something.

Everyone I know just fed their baby. Did a mixture of puree and food. Spoon feeding and letting them feed themselves. And most used the occasional pouch as well.

Same with UPF. Everyone I know feeds their kid a healthy diet, but one or two meals a week using pizza or chicken nuggets. Everyone I know buys supermarket bread, snacks and stock cubes without guilt or anxiety over it.

@BiteSizedLifebut people do leave their dc alone everyday! I very rarely sat in the same
room with my dc whilst they napped or slept.

Actually the vast majority of people do leave their baby alone when it’s asleep. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t go downstairs in the evening while the baby is in bed, or doesn’t sit in the garden while the baby is napping.
It would be very abnormal and boarding on unstable to sit in the same room to watch a sleeping child at all times.

It's not transphobic to know that transwomen are men and that they have no place in single sex spaces for women.

Regarding shared finances, i think it’s split pretty evenly between joint, separate and hybrid. A lot of people just do what works for them.

They like to promote this kind of parenting on here. It's almost like they think having anxiety makes them a superior parent. A lot of mumsnetters love to focus on rare, improbable risks and if you don't think this way, you're an irresponsible parent. That's the general culture of the site anyway.

Safety isn’t judged by waiting until there’s a long list of dead or abducted children. We don’t leave babies alone because the potential consequence is catastrophic, even if the probability is low.

I don’t know anyone accepting. I don’t work in the NHS or academia.

It’s telling if you only acknowledge ageism to old people and manage to never see all the young people are lazy, Gen Z don’t want to work, millennials waste too much money so they can’t afford homes because they think they’re entitled to avocado toast

@Newstart3when at home/in the garden, I didn’t have eyes on my kids when they were asleep either! Do you think parents of babies should literally sit and watch them sleep? How utterly bizarre. We always used a baby monitor, whether at home or in a hotel, but I’ve never watched my children sleep! What about when you go to sleep yourself? What if they choke?

This doesn’t make any sense

Ageism is about age so why would it only be a thing against old people?

On MN everyone has been flattened by a slobbering dog everyone they set foot outdoors. IRL, I've certainly never been jumped at, or had muddy paws from a strange dog.
On MN, you shouldn't have kids and claim any benefits, 'get a better job' instead. IRL, I don't know anyone who earns enough to avoid UC to pay bills. Average wage round here is NMW plus a small amount, 30k is a good wage.
On MN, raise the flag, etc is very frowned upon. MN very accepting. IRL, there are flags on every street, protests outside hotels, weekly. Local paper 'round the courts' has a very diverse collection of names, fuelling it. Local social media groups are full of comments. Unfortunately, a lot less acceptance, and casual racism is far more prevalent than MN would have you believe. Restore and Reform seem popular.

It was a bit judgemental/condescending using the wording of it is unthinkable, we are growns up etc - implying those who share money aren’t. That’s great for you if you’re happy with it, lots of ways to make marriage work. For us, it feels a bit silly to take turns paying for items when it’s all our money. What I was pointing out is that you think it’s your reality but unless people have explicitly told you that they manage finances like you do, maybe people don’t. If someone in irl told me what you said, I would say oh that’s nice and change the subject - I’m not going to say my husband earns significantly more than you would think and he puts it all into a joint account because he thinks men who don’t aren’t fully invested in their marriage. I would sound like such AH!!! Maybe everyone in your circle is very explicit but I would only know a handful of very close friends way of managing finances within their marriage. People often don’t say IRL what they do themselves because they don’t want to sound like they are judging other choices - someone tells me their child is addicted to the iPad I make sympathetic noises and make some reading suggestions - I don’t say I don’t have that problem because my kids don’t have them!

@BiteSizedLifeso give me an example of an opportunist doing this?

Interested in examples of agism towards young people. Isn’t it the same as “racism towards white people”? In other words, not a thing?

Of course not. Becaus le that would be planned.

But when an opportunity presents itself that they were not expecting..... that's what opportunist means

ETA - reiterate the point that you have no idea who the staff is, the janitors, cleaners.... you have zero idea who the hell has a key to that room. Awful people move about in society.

I work on the line "If this happened could i forgive myself"

But criminals aren’t checking into hotels in the hope they get keys to a room with a baby in are they? I can’t think of any cases in the UK where a family has had a dc taken from a hotel room?

The people most likely to harm your dc are ones you know. And a fire is far more likely at home.

I’ve stayed in many and have never heard of this.

I know. Shocking.

It’s a global standard that house guests remove shoes. And yes, the words “global standard” were used in one post.

I do think that boarding school is bad for children. It gave us the completely soulless Boris Johnson, for a start.

Absolutely awful thing to do!

So many people have keys to that room, not just you. Before we get to the double booking of that room by reception and they hand out another set of keys! Happens all the time.

Criminals are opportunists, always important to remember. And I wouldnt give then the opportunity with my baby.

I dont know anyone who thinks it's ok to leave a baby in a hotel room, often several floors up and go to dinner several floors away. Also - what if there was a fire?

I saw a baby in a restaurant and was making small talk with the parents. I thought the child was 12-18 months old (it’s fair to say I don’t come across many babies in my day to day life) and it turned out to be 4 months old! 😂 Anyway, your post made me realise I must never have seen a baby over 1 year old be breastfed in my whole life. The only babies I ever see being breastfed are tiny and therefore must be a few weeks/months old.

You must never leave a baby to cry.

It's normal to be breastfeeding a child that's over a year old.

I’ve done both my marriages like this - joint pot all the way.

Not had a problem. 🤷‍♀️