Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

How do the disgusting sexist pigs rein it in at work and in front of their kids, and what type of woman actively chooses to marry one of them and have sex with them? The thought makes my skin crawl. The mask must slip.

Poofs? As in gay people?

If the groom / guests are of the sort to shit themselves on nights out, I think the speech was perfectly gauged! lol :-)

The strap on bit is too much, but the other bits are amusing if people are laid back. At my sisters wedding, the best man was talking about "p**fs".

Sounds like something from Harry Enfield’s rugby lads sketch . Very 90s/00s

It's a no from me too, I would not like that, definitely a step to par in my opinion

That's really not a funny thing. Disgusting sexist pigs are often capable of obtaining a respectable job and a family.

The question for you is, is that what you want in your life?

True. You don't have to be William Shakespeare.

Yuk.

Thanks.
I agree, pre-internet dating was very different. For a start we often knew, or at least knew of, the men we dated. Unless it was a blind date, we had already seen (fancied) the man around, as was the case with me and my husband.

In OP's case, if his speech has made her see him in a different light or confirmed doubts she already had about him, there will be no going back.
If not, a gross speech as long as it's a one off, and he now realises it was totally out of order, is not good enough reason to finish an 18-month relationship, imo.

Ew. Crass.

Nah mate that's a speech for when your pissed up on the stag doo

Yes do some embarrassing stories but outing someone likes bum fun at their wedding if great aunty Maude is sat there is just gross

I totally get that some people - OK, men on the whole, but not exclusively - like a bit of scatological or crude sexual humour. I get that. But there is a time and a place.

My husband is an academic and when he gets together with some friends he can be as disgusting as the next person! But he knows when it's appropriate.

Keep this sort of shocking stuff for the stag and show respect for the special occasion, and the people who've forked out a fortune for it and who want it to go well for everyone - and leave happy memories, not hurt and anger.

I doubt that "pauses in the right place" would have made this speech acceptable on a wedding day.

There are 2 things with a speeches what you at and how you deliver it. I was at a wedding were a speech tanked badly, however if it was delivered more confidently with pauses in the right placeit would have been funny. Some of the speech might fall in to that but some just sound cringe.

Not par for the course at all. My BIL is a speech writer and sometimes does best man/groom speeches and he would never include this sort of stuff! Urgh.

That’s a lot of men for you, and if they are manual workers (not all I’m sure), then that’s just how they are. I’m surrounded by them and they’re all like it.

I agree.
I just think that mentioning any previous sexual partners of either bride or groom in the speeches would be a no go area.

The misogyny aspect has overshadowed this here: Jabba the Hut and so on but just even mentioning an ex even in a mildly respectful way would not be on.

You just don't do it.

They're supposed to be put aside now.

It is perhaps because the 70s were more sexist that we wouldn't get a best man's speech like this: there was a protective side to sexism of 'not in front of the ladies.'

I think that those born past 1980 think everybody's a lad/ladette.
Generalising I know.

The bigger red flag is that you were hearing the speech for the first time at the wedding? Most people would talk about a speech like that with their partner and at least share the stories they were planning on mentioning.

To have such a big thing happening and him not share it with you is very odd. It suggests that he doesn’t give a sh*t about your opinion (perhaps he doesn’t care for the opinion of anyone that isn’t him) and that is not a man you want to be with long term.

You’re right about the content- anyone decent would have told him to tone it down. A best man’s speech is not to destroy the groom I don’t know where he got that idea from? The speech is to congratulate the bride and groom, sometimes by highlighting how much better a man he is with the bride compared to the time he [insert mildly embarrassing story].

One cheeky story is okay (if euphemisms are used to spare blushes) but the stories you listed are all waaay too much. And you are saying he didn’t even check with the groom if the stories mentioned would be okay? The whole thing reeks of toxic masculinity.

Genuine question, is your partner a bully because wanting to humiliate anyone to that degree isn’t normal? Or is he autistic to a level that leaves him blind to what is socially acceptable?

Either way it sounds like this level of crudity is what you’ll be hearing from the best man at your wedding if you marry him. After what he’s done to his friend’s wedding, the friend will want payback. Are you okay with that? Any future wedding being used as a battleground for toxic men?

If he’s otherwise a good, kind person, talk to him. Ask why he seemed so not his usual kind self in that speech and why he didn’t share it with you first? Maybe he’s an idiot and genuinely believed that this is what a best man’s speech is all about. I don’t know what I’d find worse; being with an idiot who can’t be trusted or a belittling bully who can’t be nice.

Only you can tell if this is a blip or a sign of bigger problems.

This would not have been acceptable in the 1970s. Weddings were special, family occasions. Not some ghastly misogynist roast.

Wow. I think people probably laughed nervously and uncomfortably, especially family… Best man speech is cheeky not vulgar, big difference. Clearly lacks intelligence if he has to cross that line and can’t think smart. I feel so embarrassed just thinking about it and I’m actually very open with quite a dark humour, but there’s a time and place….

I'm slightly puzzled by the posters who imagine that his speech would have been acceptable in the 1970s. For all of that decade's indifference to sexism I'm pretty sure most of it wouldn't have been!

Really though, this stuff is hideously beyond the pale. I really do wonder if 1990s/2000s lad mag culture made a lot of blokes (and quite a few women) think it was acceptable.

FWIW as a bloke, none of my friends would ever talk about each other like this.

This is a speeks for a stag night, not for a wedding where so many different layers of families and friends are present. Parents, grandparents, children, etc..
But to each their own.
At least you have been warned for when your wedding comes, and hopefully you'll manage to calm down an eager to roast best man.

If you marry him, you will experience the same and worse at your own wedding. You can’t say you weren’t warned.

They're idiots who mistake crudity for wit.
How pathetic.
Plus, it's telling you something that he would do this at someone's wedding rather than the stag do. Talk about unaware.

An acquaintance of mine actually called a guy he drank with in the pub his best friend as they both liked the same relatively obscure male singer. That was a big part of why this guy was his best friend at least. Ridiculous.

This best friend was married and had an affair with a fellow drinking buddy of their's when his wife had just had a baby. This affair ends.

The acquaintance then goes on to marry the same woman thay his best friend had an affair with.

After a couple of years he's crying because he found out they'd reignited their past affair and how "could they do this to me!!"

Yeah mate you're so special that he couldn't possibly do this to you.
Even though of course he cheated on his wife but you? Oh no.
Berk.