Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get.

Well that would have made my decision to never marry him! No way am I having shite like that at my wedding. So if I wanted to marry one day, it'd be over.

If I was the bride I wouldn't be speaking to him again after being asked if I had a strap-on. If my new DH remained thick-as-thieves with him, our marriage probably wouldn't last, because there's no way I'd be happy having to leave my own home every time he was there just so I could avoid him.

The shitting himself story would probably give me the ick by itself. Perhaps there's the rare occurrence where such a story could be funny 🤷 but if it involves being wasted or otherwise disgusting, definite ick for me.

The thing about the "ugly" girl, as long as she wasn't named or could be recognised (by herself or others), that wouldn't bother me. It's ridiculous to think men judge a woman by anything other than her looks. They might be interested in personality etc and decide that outranks looks when finding a partner, but they all seem to think about women generally in terms of attractiveness and so it comes out in their speech. If she was recognisable eg "his third girlfriend" or an accurate description of her or something like that then, yeh, I'd not be impressed because he'd be putting the funniness of his speech above someone's feelings. So much gets video'd and posted online these days there's no guarantee it wouldn't get back to her even if she wasn't there.

Me too - maybe cos I am no doubt from a different generation from OP and other posters but pretty normal stuff for me.

X

What’s your point? The OP is describing exactly why they find relationships: patriarchy means woman constantly question themselves when they are repulsed by male behaviour, and don’t follow their instincts.

I don’t understand your response to this post……..

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get

Well then I certainly wouldn’t be marrying him @Molsmol8 , unless you want a speech like that at your wedding. It would honestly be enough to make me split with someone now. My DH was best man for his friend and made a few jokes at the grooms expense, along the lines of how did he ever find anyone to marry him, just the normal expected stuff. Everyone expects a best man speech to be funny but the comments your DP made were just disgusting and immature.

He talked about anal sex and 'huge cocks' in front of children?
I have no words.

Yuk. Why did you attach yourself to a man like that?

Absolutely horrific - I'm no pearl clutcher but crude, rude and disrespectful - I would def finish it

Yes good point, do you know anyone there well enough to ask what they thought of it honestly?

I’m embarrassed for him and you after reading that. I can’t imagine what you see in him. And I fell really sorry for the bride and her family.

Gross.

I’ve been to plenty of weddings where the best man speech has been funny, without being crass, and laughing at the groom but not in a way that felt at all unpleasant.

But I suppose, in his slight defence, not everyone is funny. And it must be a lot of pressure for an unfunny person to have to write a speech that everyone expects to be funny. And in that situation, an unfunny person may reach for things along those lines.

Giant ick. I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same. Or his friends if everyone was laughing.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

What a complete wanker.

So it was all about him and his friend and he couldn't give a toss about the bride or the B&G's family and friends?

Utterly crass and the sort of talk that should be kept to the stag night, if he has to say those things at all.

This is gross. I tried to imagine my husband (who is a decent person) giving this speech and I just can’t picture it. Please don’t ignore these red flags, it’s not ‘normal’ or ‘standard best man speech’ stuff.

Yeah that’s not only gross but no regard for the bride and grooms family that were in that room. Big red flag.

You might find some if the laughter was nervous laughter to.

@grapesstrawberriespleass I hate ‘lad’ culture and the expectation that your best friend will absolutely destroy you in public via their speech. Not to mention the fact so many of these ‘men’ litter these speeches with rampant misogyny and homophobia.

You say you hate 'lad' culture, and yet, 'lads' always seem to be able to find girlfriends and partners.

Which is evident in the fact that OP is in a relationship with a 'lad'.

You can say you hate 'lads'... but yet, they're the men finding relationships...

The content was so inappropriate, it's not just swearing that's wrong. Plus the description of the woman was horrible and not funny at all

The important thing is how it went down with the bride and groom and to a lesser extent, the guests in general. If he judged his audience well, I don't think you can hold it against him. If this is genuinely his idea of a hilarious speech, no matter who the audience, I wouldn't be impressed.

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Is he normally like this or is this a one-off, terrible judgement call resulting from speech nerves and terrible advice from online videos?

Eww no, too much. It is fairly traditional for a best man to take the piss out of a groom a bit, but he needs to ‘read the room’ and consider the mix of guests. He can do that by gently mocking his dress sense or suggesting the bride is out of his league, that sort of thing rather than strap-ons and shit.

Suppose depends on bride and grooms tastes
That would have gone down like lead balloon if my dh best man did a speech like that. Mil would have possibly rugby tackled him over the table after the first crood sentence

Another mumsnet classic. Most people in attendance were laughing, but according to mumsnet, this relatively tame best man speech is a breakup level offence.

Do not take advice from these Protestants. It’s normal for a best man speech’s to be risqué, I’ve heard far worse than what your DP has said. Is he crude or gross or lowbrow in literally any other way in your experience? Or, as I suspect, was it a one off to embarrass his friend?

Unless that’s the kind of speech you want at your wedding I’d get out now before it’s too late….

What was the audience? If it is all people of a similar age (and they were all laughing) seems like he judged his audience well.

If there were kids and grandparents it's quite inappropriate. 1 and 3 on your list are okay for little ears but the sex stuff isn't unless it was just heavily implied.