Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

If you have travel insurance its probably Ok to cancel and rebook.

if you don’t & it will take you 3yrs to save again then I think him taking the kids would be fine, you wouldn’t want them to miss out surely.

You should be resting, not thinking about this.

Taxes themselves are over £1000 for 4 people.

Christ my heart hurts for you OP. This is awful behaviour from him. I’m glad your eldest gets it, he sounds lovely.

If booked 3 years ago surely its a package through travel agents. Your insurance should cover moving it

@HealthConcerns24 I'm sorry you're in this situation. He sounded like a dick in your op but with each subsequent post he got worse! If your eldest is understanding as you say could they try and talk him round?

@HealthConcerns24 you are totally right that you HAVE TO tell the doctors/hospital that you’ll be alone going back home.
Its a safety issue for you.

Im 😳😳 at the fact he thinks it’s ok to
1- go away leaving you on your own
2- that anyone bar very close family members would be happy to care for you for 3 (!!) weeks

I was originally thinking that maybe he was just putting his head in the sand but he is actually awful. Utterly awful human being.
I also think that, by behaving that way (Regardless or not he ends up going or not), he has just broken your trust. No way you’ll ever think he has your back. This will change your marriage and how you see him A LOT

Yes, absolutely. It’s so awful you think it can’t possibly be real.

Tell him it is being rebooked for next year. No ifs, no buts. Tell your youngest now. Tell your unpleasant H that he needs to look after you.

Hi op does he expect you to walk out of hospital with your personal belongings and the hospital staff just say bye then. They have a policy of seeing you picked up. I would tell 12 year old it’s not going to happen this year with you being sick I’m sure he will be more understanding than your stupid dh. If he still goes away and leaves you to recover alone then when your better I would be reviewing my marriage if I was you. Does he want to go more so he doesn’t have to look after you. Honestly I would be so pissed off if he goes especially as older dc is happy to move it. If it’s took 3 years to save you might never get to go.

I asterisked the 'un' but it hasn't printed it. the word is 'cunt'

This! Your husband is a selfish uncaring un

Can you imagine a woman suggesting this?

If this is true then your husband is an absolute selfish, cold bastard. Let him and the kids go. Then, once you’ve recovered from your procedure, start the ball rolling on getting the divorce started.

Seriously, this level of self-absorbed complete lack of care and empathy for you is suggestive of some kind of personality disorder, IMO.

The OP has been in hospital for a while for somethimg serious. She is not allowed to travel.

And you think it’s ok to leave her if ‘she has low needs’.
Just get on with it. Not my problem if you struggle, need support (even if ‘only’ emotional) p. My holiday is more important.

Wow…

Forget the holiday for a moment - he wants to leave you on your own with no help after having major surgery????

I am utterly, utterly speechless at the inhumanity of the beast. To be honest even if he does re-arrange the holiday I'd be getting the feathered friends in a row

Wow what a prick. The main thing is you’re told you can’t be home alone but he doesn’t care about that! That really says it all. Unless there’s more to this and you’re a shitty wife to him, I’d tell him to fuck off and go and take the time to rest and plan to leave him. When I had a subcutaneous defibrillator implanted I was home and very sorry for myself within two days and really appreciated the help and support from my husband.

I’m sorry for you.

I bet he hasn’t purchased travel insurance

I didn't mean to click on "your been unreasonable" was a finger slip.
Absolutely if one can't go then none should go. How can he even think about going off with the kids enjoying himself while your left home.

I would just cancel it myself via insurance and have it moved. If your DS is supportive then just do it. I would tell my 'D'H that - God forbid - if you died when they were on holiday your sons would never forgive him. I too would divorce over this if he didn't acquiesce.

Clearly, the only answer is to move the family holiday, and he stays to look after you and aid your recovery.
But also, I’m not sure why he’s suggesting you’re selfish as though that’s some kind of character flaw. Yes, it’s selfish to prioritise your health over a family holiday, but it’s the way it has to be. Obviously. Sometimes you have to be selfish for your own sake. This is one of those times. Gutting I’m sure for all, but at least you’re alive.

This would make me seriously rethink the relationship. I can’t believe he’s proposing to go away and leave you. He’s an utter twat

Honest question here. How can you not know that he did not know that he didn’t book tickets three years ago as that is impossible.
But you are 100% certain that you always pay for travel insurance?

You have obviously traveled plenty of times before, so surely you must know that you can’t book a flight 3 years beforehand?

This. It really is heart breaking.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this whilst being so ill.

However, there's a lot of LTB advice on here, but Please just take this one step at a time. Focus on getting better first and foremost, focus on just getting through the hospital stay and operation.

Tell your medical staff that he wants to lie about being at home to help and that you would be home alone. Ask for their help/advice.

Tell your eldest too. Maybe he can organise the insurance claim for you. And maybe he can advocate for you too. The ideal scenario and the most sensible thing would be to cancel and claim, but you don't need to be in a dispute with anyone at the moment.

The future and everything else can wait until after your op.

It's shocking that you are being put under this pressure by him at a time like this.

If you have a trusted friend, talk to them about it, but try not to get into conversations with several people as I think it might make you feel worse, ask them to relay messages. You don't need to deal with everyone else's emotions. Just get on with your recovery. Distractions help. Friends who will chat about whats in the papers, not what's the latest update . Augio books, radio shows anything to distract.

I do wish you all the very best and a good recovery.

And has he acted like a decent human between then and now? Is this behaviour a shock?

@HealthConcerns24 You’re absolutely not being unreasonable. You’ve just had a medical event, you’re still in hospital, and you’ve been told you cannot travel. That’s not a minor inconvenience, that’s a medical crisis with an unpredictable recovery.

A “dream holiday” that took years to save for is supposed to be something you all experience together. The idea that your husband and children should simply go without you, leaving you at home recovering alone, isn’t just insensitive, it’s a complete misunderstanding of what partnership looks like during a health emergency.

Most families in this situation would claim on the insurance, cancel or postpone, and rebook when everyone can go. That’s not selfish. That’s normal.

Your husband’s suggestion isn’t about practicality, it’s about priorities. And right now, his priorities seem to be the holiday rather than your wellbeing. You’re in hospital awaiting surgery. You’re frightened. You don’t know how long recovery will take. The idea of being left alone for three weeks while your family goes on a once‑in‑a‑lifetime trip is understandably hurtful and the practical situation is there is no-one to look after you.

Your children may be disappointed, of course, the eldest clearly understands but disappointment is part of life, and it’s temporary. Leaving their mum behind after a cardiac event is something they’d likely remember for all the wrong reasons.
This isn’t you “ruining” anything. This is life happening, and a family responding together.

Rebooking is the fair, compassionate, and sensible option.

I'm struggling with your husbands attitude here. If the roles were reversed, if he had been rushed into hospital with a serious cardiac issue, would he genuinely expect you and the kids to jet off for three weeks without him? I doubt it.

A holiday can be rearranged. Your health and emotional safety can’t.

If he goes, I would seriously rethink your marriage as this is clearly not the first time he has abandoned you in your hour of need. He withdraws when you need care. He avoids discomfort, even when it’s yours and he chooses escape over support. Most people, even imperfect partners, have a line they wouldn’t cross when their spouse is in hospital. He’s crossed it twice.

Unless of course he never purchased the insurance???