Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

I ltb for similar behaviour when I was ill. He is no peach.
Hope you are on the road to recovery soon.

Oh my goodness!

I think his attitude is awful. They should not go if you can easily move it and it’s just a case of waiting.

The second thing you said - about them probably going anyway. Does this mean your husband would just overrule you and take them? That’s so worrying.

We cancelled a trip last year when my husband developed a heart problem that meant he could no longer fly. There was no way that I was going to leave him on his own after that news.

Caring for someone is hard, I was sad, and it was a shame to miss the holiday, but it was a case of all of us or none of us. We went instead to a U.K. seaside resort and had a really nice time. We got all of the money back on travel insurance.

His health is a lot better now, but I don’t know where we would be had I been the sort of person to leave him and go with our child. I don’t think our marriage would have survived something like that. When you partner is very poorly you show up for them, that’s what you’ve signed up for.

Of course there was a part of me that wanted to be in Italy. But I wanted to be in Italy with him, not without him.

Your husband isn’t fit for the name imo.

I was coming to say the same as the PP a couple of replies above - I'd let him go but I certainly wouldn't welcome him back, he could stay gone!
It isn't even (just) the holiday, he couldn't give a shit about you and that's really sad.

I was thinking that too. So I assume the husband has lied about when the flights were really booked and had the savings in between.

Wow! He’s going to leave you go cope for yourself when you aren’t able to do anything and expect a friend to ‘pop in’? I’d tell him to go on holiday on his own and don’t come back.

I hope you feel better soon OP. Try to rest and not worry and as you recover start thinking about all of this.

it doesn’t sound like a happy relationship. I’ve sadly had a few miscarriages but I didn’t have a partner go on holiday at the same time.

my DP is far from perfect but I had to have major surgery years ago. I also had to be cared for at home afterwards and had a year of physio. We’d only been dating for a few years. He reorganised his life, got a job in my town and moved in to look after me.

I absolutely cannot get my head round him being prepared to leave you to have surgery and then to struggle at home on your own. Even if we would lose all the money I don’t think I could let my DH go through that alone. The fact you can reschedule means there is no excuse not to be there to support you and then make sure you can all enjoy your dream trip together. (Or maybe without him seeing as he doesn’t think it would be a big deal to leave someone behind)

With quite a lot of confidence, I believe Virgin refund you if you cancel flights booked with points. My friend just had to. You get the taxes and charges back, and the points. I can’t say for other airlines or ticket types but you seem to be in quite a good position to change it all for low / no cost.

Clearly it should be rescheduled if possible.

tbh if this were me and after reading your updates I’d end the marriage. Life’s too short to spend it with selfish, inconsiderate bell ends.

I don’t know what I’d be more upset by, the lack of holiday cancellation or the fact he’s happy to leave you on your own to recuperate after being ill enough to (still) be in hospital!

Is the travel insurance in your name? You can claim if it is… what a selfish bastard. It would be bad enough if it was a week in skegness but leaving you to go that far away AND on the holiday of a lifetime. I’d be cancelling it rather than moving it. Cos if you move it you’re effectively booking with a known health issue and will not be covered. Cancel it and then rebook when insurance allows it. And don’t take him! Selfish twat

It's so sad you are unwell and I hope you feel better soon. But if you're going to be ok, and you don't have travel insurance that means your 3 years of saving isn't protected, doesn't it make sense that they go? Initially I thought "if it was me I'd want the kids and DH to still have the experience"... but my husband was sick and I knew he'd be fine I would still want to give the kids this dream experience. And he wouldn't want me to... he'd want me to stay at home and nurse him. I would feel like he was being selfish...

Exactly this!

Id move it if I could with insurance or a small xfer fee

If wed lose the money id rather they went than we all missed out

What a selfish prick, him not you OP. I would have no problem with my DH and DCs going but it would 100% be me insisting on it to not loose money, my DH would never dream of going without me.

Im sorry your going through this, he sounds like an inherently selfish man who dosnt care about you at all.

I would be seriously considering leaving him after this.

Fix me, I hadn’t read your last post about him telling you to tell the hospital he would be there to look after you and going anyway!

He doesn’t want to stay married does he

Oh lovely @HealthConcerns24 of coirse they shouldn’t go. One it’s your family holiday and 2 if you’re still in hospital it’s fairly major and you should be cared for at home! By family!

@HealthConcerns24 your husband is absolute scum.

If you were going to lose all the money from the trip I’d see his argument. But as it can be moved, for very minimal cost, your DH is the biggest AH around. What an uncaring, selfish prick.
It would be the end of the marriage if he went ahead. I’m so sorry OP.
wishing you a speedy recovery.

Like I said, I haven't read the thread, so am just responding to the initial post. I'm on the waiting list for something that could potentially be quite serious, so there is always the possibility that things could escalate before we go. The initial post didn't say anything about open heart surgery, but in our particular situation, if I had had a cardiac event that was no longer life threatening (which is the impression I got from the initial post), I'd still encourage my family to go on the holiday- I'm not sure they would want to, but I would still want them to go.

If she's been told she mustn't be at home on her own and she doesn't have anyone else to stay with her, then that is a completely different situation, and of course her husband is being a massively selfish a*hole to even suggest going!

No way i'd go and leave my dad, can't believe either of your kids are willing to go without you!
Are you on the booking in a position to be the one able to change it? If so i'd go ahead and rearrange for next year, force your husbands hand to stay home, bastard.

RTFT
The OP cannot be left alone at home. Her DH is planning to LIE to the hospital saying hed be there whilst going away.
So not only he’d be leaving the OP in a really tricky situation. But hed be closing any hope of having carers to help whilst he is away.

@Sozzler the OP can’t be happy with it. She isn’t to stay at home in her own!

It’s very different than waiting for a diagnostic. Or starting a treatment.
I mean I’m sure you wouldn’t tell your DP to go away on holiday just after an open heart surgery right? The OP’s situation isn’t much different.

We have booked a holiday to Spain and I am on a waiting list for undiagnosed symptoms so I know I won't be covered by travel insurance if anything happens before we go that relates to this. I have told my partner that if this does happen, he is to go with the kids and leave me behind. I'd hate the thought of them missing out because of me, and also the thought of losing all that money. However, there is no way my partner would suggest doing this and I know that it would take a lot of me convincing him that I will be fine and they should go and enjoy the holiday without me.

I don't think its unreasonable for them to go if you are okay with it, but I do think its massively unreasonable (and really mean) to go if you are going to be upset about it. I haven't read the thread, but if you can claim on your insurance, then he should absolutely be claiming that money back and then rebooking for when you are well enough to go.