Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

The only way it's acceptable for them to go without you is if

1. you'd lose all the money and can't transfer the booking
2. you won't need care while they're gone and
3. you're on board with them going without you.

You should move it. Even if you need to pay a bit extra.

So many questions.

Do you have travel insurance, and will they cover costs?
If not, how much money would you lose by cancelling it or moving it?
Whose dream holiday is it?
Will you manage ok at home on your own, without DH helping to look after you?

That’s good to hear about cancelling flights with three weeks notice.

I would feel very sad about this. Being in hospital is lonely and scary. It’s a shame he didn’t even pretend that he didn’t want to go because you come first, or suggest you move the holiday and wait for you to say they should go without you. I don’t think I could enjoy myself if I went, I’d feel guilty and worried! But maybe him and the kids can compartmentalise better than me

Edited because my post now shows…how bizarre

This.

Does your insurance cover all of you cancelling if only one of you is unwell?

Presumably it would have to be delayed till next summer, given that it's a long trip. Will the teens still want to go then? A year is a long time for teenagers.

I can see how upsetting this is OP, but you need to consider all the options. The worst case scenario is no one going and the money being lost.

Yeah villa is the only thing that could be complicated about that, but it depends on the individual owner or company used.

The airlines are usually ok, rebooking vouchers (possibly a small loss on it though), car hire can be cancelled up to a day or two before (always use Expedia for this as it is ridiculously simple), and hotels I’ve always found to be ok for making date changes without additional cost.

At this time of year Disney (if this is indeed where they are going) is HEAVING because of the American schools being off until mid/late-August, so hotels won’t lose out as someone will take a room etc.

Has he just shown you who he is?

You do need to talk about it.

Does he believe (correctly or otherwise) that you'd like to be left in peace?

What is the prospect of you being well enough to go later? How much later? Will DC still can't to go on a family holiday by then (late teens?)?

Can it be easily rebooked?

Who is around should you need help while he's away?

Do DC want to go anyway?

Just because he's floated the idea doesn't automatically mean he's selfish, he's thinking about what needs doing and asking to discuss.

Unless it won’t be covered by insurance to cancel - his behaviour is in divorce territory

Will you be even fit enough to be left alone after three weeks, dh certainly wasn't recovered after three weeks after cardiac surgery.

You poor thing! He shouldn't even consider leaving you after suffering a serious health issue. Having saved for 3 years, it should definitely be moved so that you can all enjoy it together. Even if a fee is involved.

I was thinking Villa, hotel, car hire, flights etc wherever it is they are going.

If I can rebook for free or a token small fee, I wouldn't even think about it, change the dates, and take the kids elsewhere cheap this year.

If the money is lost otherwise, then of course they go. What a waste otherwise.

I have personally called a travel company when travelling with my kids and they have in the circumstances of a serious illness happily rebooked. Another company did this for a friend last year when her DH was diagnosed with cancer.

So there was no need to be so fucking rude, was there?

I think it's super unfortunate and tricky. For us, it would make a massive difference to know what the financial implications were of each option. Plus given the length of the trip and the ages of your children, this seems tricky to rearrange.

My husband and daughter went to South Africa without me - I was meant to go with them, but then had terrible and overwhelming pregnancy sickness and had to pull out. I was jealous but we'd have lost most of it if we'd cancelled so of course I wanted them to go and enjoy it. But I didn't need help and we had rubbish insurance (apparently) so it was an easier decision.

You wouldn’t lose it. Even without insurance everything for Disney can be moved, perhaps with some small costs.

But tickets etc with Disney and Universal they’ll be moved very easily, you just email them and they change the valid dates. I’ve done it multiple times over the last 15 years.

I don’t get this, I’d prefer my family went than lose for example 20k on a Disney holiday.

I would imagine you would need some support when you get home. I’d ask him to look into moving it so you can all go . If it would mean losing the holiday then yes they should go but if it can be moved of course they should wait. I could get kids thinking that way but your dh is coming across as a selfish sod.

Presumably he’s going to make you feel guilty if you asked him not to go. And in my family if any of us couldn’t go for ANY reason, then none of us would leave them behind, no matter the financial loss. Especially when the reason was a serious medical condition resulting in them having to stay in hospital!

Will your travel insurance cover moving it?

If insurance will cover cancellation then I would definitely cancel / postpone.

Your husband sounds like a right knob.

I suppose part of the issue is that as it’s a three week holiday rescheduling it probably means next year, unless you’re happy for the teens to miss school. Will you even be able to rearrange it for that far ahead? If you can, then this would be the best option so nobody misses out and people are around to help you if you need it. But it will all depend on what you are able to do.