Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

So basically he doesn’t give a shit whether you have sufficient care after surgery as long as he gets what he wants, and he’s got form for it ? Sorry OP, this would be a deal breaker for me. He’s a selfish twat and I’d be getting my ducks in a row.

I known you’re very ill and in hospital and this might not be possible, but I’d be tempted to rearrange the holiday asap without him.

And as others have said, if he can’t step up and support you when you need him to help or you might not be discharged from hospital, I would be reconsidering the marriage.

Well as for this holiday I’d suggest talk to both of your kids, explain that you need to move it to next year instead due to this massive health event. They’ll understand, and they’ll back you up with your husband that’s what needs to happen.

But in terms of your marriage - I would view this as unforgivable. He wants to knowingly leave you without proper care after a major health issue.

So the holiday is one issue. I would strongly suggest that once you’re recovered you think about whether you really want the rest of your life to be like this.

I'm honestly shocked at how heartless and uncaring he's being towards his wife being ill. My colleague became unwell, the airline let her move the date, she just need to send a letter from the doctor. I think you should really have a serious think about remaining married to this man when you have recovered. I hope you get well soon.

Wow!

I take it you made a financial contribution to this holiday that he wants to discard you from? Even if you didn't, he's showing a very uncaring side towards you. Hard to believe a husband would leave a wife to fend for herself following a major op.

He's being so unreasonable and utterly selfish.

We were in a similar situation a couple of years ago, it didn't even cross my mind to go away without my husband and we lost more money than you.

I did go away with my DC for a couple of days each so my leave wasn't totally wasted and they got a short break each, with the other staying at home with DH so he wasn't alone. But that was once I knew he'd be ok and with his full support and agreement. He was actually trying to persuade me to go for longer but I couldn't have enjoyed it in those circumstances

If he's planning to fuck off and leave you when you're ill and can't travel and shouldn't even be left alone he's an actual arsehole. And I don't say this lightly but I'd be tempted to tell him that if he goes he needn't bother coming back. Because if the person who is meant to love you and care for you when the chips are down is showing you he's not on the same team then what's the actual point of him?

What a hideous situation. I think you should discuss and ultimately agree this as a family, including the 12 Yr old who may not enjoy the trip so much if mums not there (and is also at home unwell). Your older teen sounds sensible, put the costs etc in front of them all. This is not a unilateral decision for your self centred husband to make.

If they go your 20-year old will look back at this as a wtf did we do, once he has got his own family.

He should tell his dad he is absolutely not going.

There are some circumstances in which it would be reasonable for the others to go without you. This isn't one of them. I'm assuming you haven't been before and want to enjoy your children's enjoyment as much as enjoying it yourself?
You have also had a serious health incident and require care and support.
Only you know if your husband is the insensitive, unfeeling, selfish and generally awful person he is coming across as. If he is, you are undoubtedly better off without him. Easier said than done, I know, and now is probably not the time, but honestly, he should be utterly ashamed of himself.

If you have this insurance your flights and everything will be covered.

Your DH is a piece of work.

Sorry you are ill and sorry you are getting no support

Are the tickets 1k per person or are you saying you are all 4 flying to Florida for 1k?..

(yes, he is still an arse)

Edit; ok I see you just answered that. Where are you flying too?

If you have insurance then I wouldn't think twice about canceling it.
I would however be seriously rethinking my marriage.

Jesus, I’m sorry your husband is such an arsehole.

I cannot believe he is expecting you to stay home alone when you need looking after, and to lie to the hospital and say they will be there! Unbelievable and hugely irresponsible. “Get a neighbour to pop in” WTF? why should a neighbour pop in when you have a husband who could look after you if he hadn’t gone off on a jolly?

Really angry on your behalf.

Wow that’s really awful! Ofc you would move the dates and all go.

Just move it. Fuck him. He doesn't give a shit how you feel. Why should you care how he feels.

HOWEVER. On a separate note. The hospital are going to discharge you with the expectation HE will care for you. He obviously WILL NOT. do you have anybody that can come stay with you to care for you? If not. You need to talk to the hospital and request not to be discharged until you are well enough to not need care. You really really need to be selfish right now. It is very important you heal and receive care to do so. This is your heart, you could die if you don't stand up for yourself. Or do you have a very good friend that will stay with you 24/7. Do not go home otherwise.

Actually, ignore my advice and do what @WhatWouldTheDoctorDo said…

Who made the booking? Change it
to next year.

Don’t give the twat a say.

I have recently ended up on a cardio ward for a week, after a procedure I was allowed home. The instructions were rest for 2 weeks, the first week I was exhausted and really needed my DH to organise food laundry and general care. The second week I have started doing more food prep etc.

Yes it may be possible to do it alone BUT it is comforting when you are unwell to have someone who cares for you.

The holiday should be postponed so you all have something to look forward to after you recover.

Are you in the UK? I am amazed you got those four flights to USA for £1k! Or is it Eurodisney? Amazing work if US.

If your insurance is going to pay up then you should cancel. Not only is it bloody insensitive to go without you, but you will need support at home.

I don’t like the sound of your DH, I really don’t. Get well soon 💐

The holiday is not really the point here. There is a place for the family going without the ill person. But when you have cardiac issues and need someone at home to keep you safe, un-be-fucking-lievable.

I would tell the hospital the situation so they can talk to your husband. Do not lie and say they are at home if you are home alone. Is it heart surgery? You definitely need someone at home. My husband had it and we postponed our Canada holiday as he would not have been able to go. Guess what the sky did not fall in and we went the following year.