Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

So I reckon they will go regardless of what I want.

So basically you are saying he doesn't care whether you go or not. How nice

wow. he doesn't give a flying fuck about you, does he?

I would be telling everyone what he's said. Especially about how you should lie to the hospital and tell them you have someone to take care of you.

Never mind telling the hospital anything, I’d be telling my husband if he goes he’d be getting a divorce when he comes home.

Despicable.

Of course they don't 'just go' and leave you at home alone. I would be having a serious conversation with him about the fact that he even entertained this for one minute. Surely your 20 year old can support you in making him realise how selfish he is being. Presumably, your DC would actually like their mum to be there as well.

Shocking. He really has shown you who he is. I am so sorry.

We had this a few years ago with DH … I sent adult child and filled our places with their friends as no benefit in them staying at home and I of course no question stayed home with DH

Very much depends on ages of elder teens regarding responsibility and dynamics with younger ones

This happened to me last year, also cardiac issues, it wasn't even a question for DH and ds to go, wet got everything bank from the insurance bar the doctor's fee for a letter. DS was only 6 but he understood a d he was sad but wanted mummy better. DH said there was no way he was leaving me or going without me, as it happens we are on the rebook now

He is a monster. Sorry this is happening in addition to your health issues.

He sounds like he doesn’t actually love you. Holiday issue aside, do you actually like this man?

He is disgusting. What the actual fuck is wrong with him? If this isn’t the push you need to leave him, I don’t know what would be. That’s so shocking that he could be so cold and uncaring. And then to leave you alone to recover? Is he a sociopath? Does he have any love or care in him at all? Is your older child aware of his plan? Is he not shocked at him?

I would be telling him that if he decides to go then he should pack everything he owns because the house will be on the market by the time he gets back and a divorce will be underway.

So now you know he didn’t book it three years ago, because that is simply not possible. Ask him to email you the flight tickets?

so the family dream holiday is for two parents, a 20 year old and a 12? Saved for 3 years? Take as much back from the insurance as you can and then decide whether to put the money towards another holiday or the divorce xx

It was me who said Disney.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should they go without you.

Move it to next year as you have insurance. You absolutely cannot get Disney first trip visit memories more than once. I literally refuse to watch anything at all with new rides or attractions on them when watching YouTube videos, my husband will whizz through them while I cover my eyes, because the first encounter of everything is magical.

If your children go without you then you won’t get to see the awe and wonder.

Can you completely cancel? If you can I can help you rearrange your booking for next year and potentially come in less that you’re paying (or a better trip) as I do it all DIY myself every year.

Also, when you rebook, do it for as late as you possibly can in August. The American kids have gone back to school by the end and the queues are soooo much lighter.

If you have travel insurance it should cover your entire travel including flights…but if not then speak to the airline as most will offer vouchers in this situation so you can rebook when the ones for next August become available in about 6-8weeks.

please feel free to PM me @HealthConcerns24 - I will help :)

If he’s told you the flights are booked he’s lying. Flight schedules open max 350 days before departure date.

This is your line in the sand op. There would be no coming back from this in your position. I would file for divorce. He will make an utterly shit partner to grow old with, and you would be better alone.

If you are a chronically ill person who is frequently in hospital/ otherwise needing to move holiday plans for illness there's an argument they should go to avoid resentment about your health affecting their holidays.

If they don't go is your husband worried about supervising the 12 year old / not being able to cancel booked leave or other practical things that could be fixed?

There's a sneaky argument that says encourage them to go whilst using the time they're away to gather what you need / want both in paperwork terms and maybe in furniture/ household items for separation. It sounds like you'd need to arrange for care staff to come and help you but chances are your brain will be 'back' before your body.

There's another argument that says you should go and stay in a hotel while they're away - so you don't have to cook and you can get step free access. Or go to somewhere like Rustington Convalescent Home for a couple of weeks - you can feel 'on holiday' too whilst continuing to recover.

He’s being vile. I’m so sorry.

to have him behave like this whilst you’re ill is disgusting.

If he goes that would be it for me. I would get friends to help start the ball rolling on my new single life while he was away. Do make it crystal clear that this is not your choice. If he railroads you then it is never ever getting better.

We’ve been to DW Florida 10 times, but the earliest we’ve been able to book any flights has been 1 year before. And sometimes not even that.

Even if we fly straight there, to Miami, NY or anywhere else as a stopover.

Very sad for you. Get hospital to transfer you to cardiac care community unit on discharge to recover while DH on holiday. HEAL.

Then, silently prioritise your own needs and wants, ignore and smile if he objects. Discussions with an egotist are wearing and futile. Do not sacrifice any more, he would never consider your needs, however many decades you have served the great man. You are not a person, just a human appliance to him. Your MIL is of the same Me Me school, where DH learned this.

Your eldest is an adult. Care for the youngest, but don't postpone your own wishes. Worst case scenario: they may yet copy DH, treating you as family skivy. Only you will look out for yourself. If divorce feasible on recovery, do so.

Otherwise lead your own life, tell DH nothing. Be boring. Save money for yourself. Meet friends, go on city breaks. No explanations, just brief info. You'd like an expensive bag? Treat yourself, he probably never did and won't ever. The very best of good luck. Go for it!

Ah that's frustrating, so it's booked in his name? Then I'd tell him if he lets you down now then your marriage is effectively over , it would be for me.

He sounds monstrous ...Disney...when your wife has cardiac problems? Unbelievably callous
What is this teaching your children about family? Horrified OP

Whether they go or not you need to stay in the hospital. You think if you cancel his holiday he's going to sit in the house 24/7 taking care of you like a loving husband?

Call the travel agents, doesn't matter if you sound like shit, they'll be sympathetic, cancel the holiday or move it to next year.

Tell the hospital not to discharge you.

Fairly unusual to be able to book flights 3 years in advance.

My answer would have been different if there was no chance of rearranging or claiming on insurance without losing a huge proportion of the outlay. If that was the case I'd say to my family to go. I would be gutted to miss out but I"d rather than the whole thing wasn't wasted. I think my husband and kids would hate the idea of going without me too and I might have to do a bit of convincing!

BUT I've now seen your update. Effectively you'd lose £1400 but have the remainder of the 10k to rebook for next year and you can go too. So it seems obvious that is the answer.

Why does your H think this is only his decision? He sounds like a right nasty piece of work, treating you like an annoying malfunctioning "appliance".