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AIBU?

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Original poster

Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

361 replies

HealthConcerns24 · 28/07/2026 15:40

As a family we have had a “dream holiday” booked for around a year that took 3 years to save for. We are due to go in 3 weeks and it’s for a 3 week holiday. It’s me, my husband and our 2 children in early to late teens.

This past weekend I ended up in hospital with a pretty serious health event, think cardio, and I cannot travel for this holiday, still in hospital and not sure how long I’ll be here for.

Just today my husband said we needed to discus the holiday. I thought he was going to discuss moving it to another time in which I can come but no, he seems to think is acceptable that the 3 of them go and I stay home and recover, alone, and just don’t go at all.

AIBU to think we should just rebook the whole thing until I’m well enough to go or am I selfish to even consider asking them to stay home and rebook?

im off my head on pain meds and can’t even think about this logically right now.

OP posts:
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tfif · 30/07/2026 19:11

Hopefully you will have travel insurance- contact them with hospital documentation regarding your illness. You should then be able to reschedule your holiday so all of you can go. You more than anyone will need a holiday after a serious illness. Your husband is being selfish. I don’t know how old your children are but nevertheless they should be supportive of you and wait until you’re ready to go on this much needed holiday.

Navyontop · 30/07/2026 16:19

I’m so sorry you’re being treated this way by a man who is supposed to love you.
He doesn’t appear to care about you very much and now he turns out to be a liar too!
Take some time for yourself xx

TheSoapyFrog · 30/07/2026 10:45

Your husband is a despicable piece of shit. Would your 12 year old still want to go if you weren't? Especially knowing you were recovering from surgery. I couldn't imagine enjoying myself knowing my mum was alone and unwell. If it were my spouse, I'd be too worried to go away, and, even if I did, I would have a crap time.

Can you find out for yourself what the situation is regarding postponing/cancelling the holiday and finding out what your options are? Clearly your husband is not reliable or honest enough to do this.

I would be interested to know if your 20 year old would agree to the suggestion by a pp and stay at home with you while your shitbag husband went with your 12 year old? And then you make it up to the 20 year old later.

I can't imagine your husband would actually take good care of you anyway. His attitude towards you when you are unwell and vulnerable is abhorrent, and is a glimpse into the future should you be diagnosed with cancer/alzheimers etc. I'd also be concerned about how he would behave if either of your children became so ill as well. I don't think I could remain married to him anymore tbh. You deserve so much better than this OP.

whittingtonmum · 30/07/2026 09:37

Tell your husband if he goes this will be the end of your marriage. Say it once and once only.

Ask the 20 year old (that's an adult)if he would consider staying to look after you in the event your DH decides not to. If they agree promise to make it up to them as soon as finances allow. Obviously claim on insurance so you have money.

Focus on recovery. Then divorce your uncaring husband - unless he comes to his senses fast. What a prick.

anyolddinosaur · 30/07/2026 09:17

Out of curiosity asked DH, without specifying which parent it was in hospital. His immediate reaction was the holiday should be cancelled. Your husband needs to be told he is odd.

Clemmie92 · 30/07/2026 08:55

79Beastie · 29/07/2026 17:33

I can't believe this is actually a question. No decent man would even consider leaving his wife to go on holiday and leave her to go through this alone. What a selfish bastard. I'd be absolutely heartbroken if my husband even thought it but to actually say it to you. Nahhh sorry I'd be re thinking my marriage if he was my husband

Mental isn’t it.. I know some selfish guys, but this is next level. He really doesn’t like her from the sounds of it 😞

Clemmie92 · 30/07/2026 08:54

HealthConcerns24 · 28/07/2026 15:40

As a family we have had a “dream holiday” booked for around a year that took 3 years to save for. We are due to go in 3 weeks and it’s for a 3 week holiday. It’s me, my husband and our 2 children in early to late teens.

This past weekend I ended up in hospital with a pretty serious health event, think cardio, and I cannot travel for this holiday, still in hospital and not sure how long I’ll be here for.

Just today my husband said we needed to discus the holiday. I thought he was going to discuss moving it to another time in which I can come but no, he seems to think is acceptable that the 3 of them go and I stay home and recover, alone, and just don’t go at all.

AIBU to think we should just rebook the whole thing until I’m well enough to go or am I selfish to even consider asking them to stay home and rebook?

im off my head on pain meds and can’t even think about this logically right now.

Wow.. this is your Husband? Who you took vows for “in sickness and in health”.. I think this just shows what he really thinks of you and how little he cares.. how very sad 😔

mummydoorgirl · 30/07/2026 07:47

My DC and Ex with be there this August and DC is complaining bitterly about going, consider this a hand of god moment

mummydoorgirl · 30/07/2026 07:43

I did this holiday every year during my marriage. Just rebook ( pull the 12 year old out of school, you’ve got the excuse of the heart thing now) and go NOT IN AUGUST. I can’t imagine anything worse than really doing the Parks thing in August, I’ve been in August and as we only dabble due to going annually it’s bearable just but honestly you’ll regret your life choices trying to do it. Wrap around the October half term and you’ll have much more fun.

Granville82 · 30/07/2026 06:16

Unless you would lose over 50% of the money, this shouldn't really be a question and I am at a loss to understand why your husband suggested this.

79Beastie · 29/07/2026 17:33

I can't believe this is actually a question. No decent man would even consider leaving his wife to go on holiday and leave her to go through this alone. What a selfish bastard. I'd be absolutely heartbroken if my husband even thought it but to actually say it to you. Nahhh sorry I'd be re thinking my marriage if he was my husband

ThisISmycircusandtheseAREmymonkeys · 29/07/2026 16:54

@PrettyPickle There is no way in hell I’d let the 20-year old take the 13-14 year old sibling to Florida of all places, for three weeks. No way.

And I traveled around the world at 19.

PrettyPickle · 29/07/2026 16:21

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 29/07/2026 07:28

You need someone 21 or over in most hotels
in Florida, so this is very unlikely to be a possibility.

Show quote history

Fair point - just trying to find a way the holiday could be used by the kids if the insurance won't cover. Husband should be home with OP, but if I were her I would revolt at the thought given his attitude.

I'm waiting for her husband to suggest he goes with the youngest and the eldest stays to look after his mum!

ThisISmycircusandtheseAREmymonkeys · 29/07/2026 15:30

And now I want to go to Epcot. 😫

Make sure you don’t miss this trip OP.

ThisISmycircusandtheseAREmymonkeys · 29/07/2026 15:24

Boreded · 28/07/2026 23:54

You know nothing about Disney then?

mine is 18 and there is zero chance he would ever miss a trip at any point. There is never an end to the magic, even when you go every year like I do.

Show quote history

Mine are between 21-25 and there is no well in hell they would miss a trip. Been going since they were little and are extremely well traveled all over the world.

I agree with your posts @Boreded.

SlightlyTerrifiedButPolite · 29/07/2026 14:55

YANBU. How outrageous of him

Chilly80 · 29/07/2026 14:21

Did you book with Virgin airmiles? When I booked the wrong dates with my airmiles I was able to move the flights to the correct date.

Your husband is being very selfish

2O26 · 29/07/2026 13:43

SALaw · 29/07/2026 07:22

OP said “The only thing we would lose out on is the flights as they were booked separately and that’s about £1k of the costs”. So she says they are losing out on hard cash costs as it cannot be claimed via the insurance.

Show quote history

Yes, OP did say that. Her DH claimed he bought the tickets 3 years ago. Then in a later post she said "I called him out on the flights as I didn’t think you could book them that far out. He's admitted he didn’t book that long ago. He's used all our air miles from our credit card from the last 3 years".

Just click on the bottom right corner of any of OP's posts to see all her posts.
OP posts: See all

ThatCheeseNeedsEating · 29/07/2026 13:39

PrettyPickle · 28/07/2026 23:13

I've just told my husband your situation and your husbands solution about the holiday and not how you feel about it. This is another mans perspective.

My husband said that if there is no insurance, the 20yr old could take your youngest and the husband should most definitely stay with you whatever the situation. Preferably, cancel and re-arrange the holiday for you all and just suck up the minor losses.

My husband says your husband is a self centred basta**d and doesn't deserve you and you need to value yourself more and you have every right to expect more of the person you have selected to spend your life with.

  • Hospitals don’t insist on someone being present for fun, they do it because the patient is not safe to be alone.
  • He is asking you to lie to medical staff, which puts you at risk.
  • He is asking you to pretend you have support while he is literally in another country.
  • He is prioritising a holiday over your health, safety, and honesty with clinicians.
  • Combined with the miscarriage incident, this is a pattern of abandoning you during medical crises.
  • And think about the impression this gives to the kids about how relationships work and valuing each other.

This isn’t a one-off lapse. This is who he is when you are vulnerable. If your husband goes on the holiday without you, even if you have care, then the marriage should be over as he has shown you how he values you - believe him!

Husband thinks you need to concentrate on getting better now, that includes NOT lying to the hospital.

You should tell your 20yr old what your husband wants to do, including lying to the hospital which means leaving you to fend for yourself when they are away. You need to do this to protect yourself from being coerced into lying.
Once the 20‑year‑old knows the situation, you are no longer isolated and it maybe the only way to stop your husband going. When adult children see a parent being mistreated, they often challenge it. It’s not “dragging them into drama”, it’s informing them of a medical risk.

If you were our sister, we'd want someone to know you were being left alone after a medical event. I'm not suggesting you tell your eldest to stir trouble. I'm suggesting you tell them because you need support, and your husband is refusing to provide it. That’s not mean. That’s protective. Its not your sons place to provide that support, its your husbands.

You shouldn't have to do this if your husband was a decent person, but you have no choice. You have kids who need you and you need to stay well for them so you need to tell your eldest. I know others won't agree with this but you are in no position to fight this battle alone.

I wish all the very best and a speedy recovery.

This. In spades. He's shown you who he truly is-twice. Take notice of that and don't forget it. When your old and vulnerable and he's the one meant to be taking care of you, then god help you.

Brokentoes85 · 29/07/2026 11:29

Read your updates and he's a cunt. I had a bf who left me to go on holiday after a miscarriage, twice.

Honestly, don't let him guilt you into this. I'd honestly leave him and go without him.

TickedOffAndALittleFedUp · 29/07/2026 11:12

Just wow @HealthConcerns24 what a wake up call. I probably would be ok with them going without me tbh as Disney not my idea of a dream holiday especially in august (have done it) and it gets much harder to coordinate holidays the older your kids are if they're working etc but I'd expect to have to talk them into it because they'd all be worried about me more.
Tbh it doesn't sound as though your DH is going to be any good at looking after you if you defer the trip and will actively resent you which sounds really unpleasant re recovery.
No magic solution to offer but I hope you give your future some serious consideration. Is this a man you want to grow old with? I hope whatever happens you recover fully.

IJustMight · 29/07/2026 10:57

I'd get online, sort out the insurance (activate the policy), and move the holiday to next summer. End of.

Your husband's a twat. You may be well rid of him, as this is a hill for you to die on.

I hope you're recovering, OP.

FairKoala · 29/07/2026 10:03

NoisyViewer · 28/07/2026 16:19

There was a post on here just the other day defending kids who had to miss out because of their poorly brother. The defence to say they have every right to be resentful and now as older teens/adults to exclude and bully their brother. I wonder out the ones saying he’s selfish and it’s acceptable to miss the holiday told the woman who had cancelled holidays she was wrong.

anyhow, I do think you should reschedule it, if by the new date you can’t make it then let them still go. He’s being really callous

That was multiple times over the years. This is a one off and presumably with insurance the whole holiday can be moved.

Only if insurance says no would I say that dh and dc go and HealthConcerns24 stays home

Sadcafe · 29/07/2026 10:03

A# long as your insurance covers cancellation or moving, I’d do that. Wouldn’t dream of doing what OPs husband has suggested, if she’s had a fairly serious heart problem, you’d like to think she’d be husbands main priority

ZoeyBartlett · 29/07/2026 09:59

If the flights are Avios it’s really easy to cancel and get them back for a v small charge.