AIBU to want my own bedroom after years of sharing?

We sleep separately. I was so sad when we started it but I love it!

He’s in bed 4 hours before me and up the same, we both sleep well. On a weekend or holiday we sleep together with no issues.

I’d recommend it to anyone.

im not a fan of calling it sleep divorce as the celebs seem to.

Yes, I’d love that too…. But dh would be mortally offended. I’d type more but he’s already thrown a strop cause I’m still
on my phone….

I used to love snuggling up with the kids when they were little. At one point DS2 told me to ' get out of his bed' It was like a shard to my heart 😀
I have my own room though and it's bliss. DH and I have other issues but what started off with snoring leading to me being in the spare room to me making my own room to now where I have my own double bed and telly!

I’ve never shared! Smoking and snoring were the original reasons (him). Then vaping and snoring. I seriously don’t know how people do it.

You could pretend to take up vaping?

I think that every couple (no matter how old they are), if they have the space to do it, should have separate bedrooms. We've had that now for over 10 years, and it's wonderful. I have a single bed in my room, but my DH has our kingsized bed that I sometimes join him in. But the fact that we can go to bed or rise at different times without disturbing one another, or be concerned that our snoring or difficulty falling asleep is going to be a problem. It's not saying that you don't love your DH, but it's saying that you respect each other as individuals and that you want to give one another the chance to have that space and also to get good sleep. It also makes those times when you do share a bed more special.

Oh I have found my tribe. My 3 kids have their own rooms but I have to share.. it feels so unfair sometimes. I just really want my own space, if I had my own little study or reading nook I'd probably get over the bedroom. I also think bedrooms should have just beds. If dh and i shared a bedroom with just a bed that would be ok. What annoys me is the sharing of other stuff, access to the ensuite and opening and closing of wardrobes and storage etc. If I want to chill out he always has to pop in to get something. I would love a storage/ changing room adjacent and you get ready for bed there and just tip toe into a darkened bedroom.

Yeah, this! Slowly add a bed haha that way it's not a sudden shock, just a natural development.

I’ve been living with my partner for six years and he very kindly moved into another room one one of his kids moved out to go to uni because we can’t sleep properly in bed next to each other. We both find it absolutely blissful having our own space to read and as you say it’s wonderful to be able to put the light out whenever you feel like it and also, for me, to be able to get up super early when I feel like it without disturbing him. I think we have a great relationship and I’m sure separate bedrooms has something to do with it!

I have a separate room. We both love it. We can’t sleep in the same room it drives us crazy. I love the peace and so does he.

Yes we would have divorced due to DH snoring and lack of sleep

I love having my own room
No smells, farting, snoring, mess and best of all 8 hours of blissful peace
Its decorated beautifully
Aaaah !!

I am single and adore having my own room.

I don’t really plan to ever live with another adult (other than an adult dc) again but if I did I’d definitely be having my own room. I could never go back to sharing a room full time (as in not having my own room, as opposed to just sharing a room when having sex / staying with a partner)

Happy to hear that last part 😘

Yanbu at all.

I have my own room but I can't say I recommend my way of getting it. I was just like you feeling more and more strongly that I needed my own space. It became intolerable to bear this unmet need when I was diagnosed with cancer and I remember the nights where I would be incomniac and crying next to my blissfully unaware snoring DP. My chance to engineer a tactful way to ask for the change came when I started chemotherapy which involved having a slow drip in my arm for 72 hours at a time at home and I said I couldn't deal with that without having the width of a double bed to myself in order to be comfortable with my arm so constrained. This following up with discussions of how perimenopause would be around the corner once the cancer was beaten and the difficulty of sharing a bed when the hot flushes come around, and how as we age and sleep less well we will both appreciate not being woken up by each other, and all in all it was agreed and settled.

You probably don't need a cancer diagnosis to provide a justification as there are plenty of valid reasons, but it certainly helped.

(Yes cancer free now)

Do it OP! Perhaps as a way of still being connected you can leave your doors open? We do that sometimes. We have our own bedrooms - it’s bliss! Mine is small, but decorated the way I want. My DP and I have such different night habits that it’s the only way we get any decent sleep. It started when one of us had COVID and then both realised we slept SO much better. (Maybe a period of illness could kick start it?) It makes sex more fun because we can invite each other ‘over.’ 🤗 Coffee in bed in the morning, alone with a book and listening to the birds is the best start to the day for me…

I have just ( still in the middle of ) reconfigured out house and whilst DH would be totally " this is the end of our marriage " if I insisted on separate beds/ rooms. I have turned the ensuite room into a dressing room - with mostly my clothes and my things - he has a wardrobe but most of his clothes are going in the dresser which is now in our new bedroom which is just a room with a superkingsize bed , an armchair , two bedsides and one dresser

Im post meno. I dont sleep much and a few nights a week will find me getting up and going to one of the spare rooms

The "dressing room" is becoming my compromise , and with the ensuite leading off it its leaning towards me pinching that for personal use ( main bathroom across from bedroom ) , then spending as much time as I need in the dressing room - without disturbing him. I have a lovely comfortable chair and a blanket there already

We both work different days and times, Hes a bed for 10 man, Im a bed for when my eyes are closing - often 2 or 3 am. He would happily sleep to 10 am, Im out the door at 5;30 am and get home when hes just getting up

Its a compromise

I do love by DH, I just find sleeping in the same bed as him hard . He produces a lot of body heat, and the more space in a bed he gets, the more he uses

So this is what Im trying now

I think that in general men object to separate rooms but also expect to have it all their way, going to bed when and as they want, ditto getting up. Some are considerate, but most will just expect their partner to adapt.

Women are often lighter sleepers, and more likely to take the other person's sleep into consideration. So they compromise all the way, and they build up resentment.

Part of the reason dh moved to another room regularly was that after dc (who didn't sleep through until they were 4, so between them gave me 7 years of no sleep!) I felt I had given enough and I wanted to sleep exactly how I wanted it, and if dh didn't want that I was perfectly happy to sleep on my own. And he was conscious of disturbing me if he woke in the middle of the night (which he often does)

He felt rejected if I moved to another room, so he moved himself (not sure why that made a difference, but it did). Until eventually I suggested that having the room next to mine might be more convenient than the one the other end of the house when we start out together and then he moves.

We have our own rooms and own bathrooms - bliss

And another thing. When his snoring first got noticeably worse I tried to stay put. Tried to get him to stop hy rolling over. He would just be pissy the next day because I dared disturb him. He knows the snoring is the issue. He refuses to see anyone about or lose weight to try to ease it. So I will no longer pander to his ego by sacrificing my sleep. So own room it is. The older we get the less I care if it kills our marriage which i know sounds bad but I would rather be able to sleep

Haha , I was thinking the same about small kids! I guess it’s different when you get past that stage though. Also, tiny dependant small people made from your dna are probably different to middle / old aged sharting men 😂

We have our own rooms. We share when we feel like it (in his bed or in mine), but mostly sleep apart. It's lovely.

It used to be we shared but dh ended up sleeping in another room whenever it was too hot, because he wanted everything open and I didn't. Then he would go to another room if I wanted to go to bed before him so he wouldn't disturb me. Eventually I just decorated the room next to mine as his bedroom so he would have somewhere to go that was nice, and that wasn't the spare room. Now he loves it and uses it practically all the time.

In fairness it is the nicest room in the house, though I say so myself. I've been known to use it when he's away and it's really hot, as it has a lovely breeze running through it.

Absolutely no issue with kids being on me when they were little. DH is different. Our marriage hasn't been easy but I have no interest in leaving. I suppose now that I am in my 40s and have less patience i just don't want to do some thing (like sharing a bed) just because its what would be perceived as normal. I dont actually think it is what most people would choose and threads like this kinda prove it.
I don't have any objection to sex with DH, I just dont want to listen to him snore afterwards.

Good luck… he might not be able to change but I hope he can accept this solution gracefully for what it is (and attempt to improve things, not make them worse).

When DH was alive I would go sleep in the spare room if I wasn’t asleep within what I perceived to be half an hour (we didn’t have bedside clocks). DH was always asleep before me and sometimes snored and I would often disappear then. Could you do something similar to lesson the blow of leaving the marital bed.