AIBU to want my own bedroom after years of sharing?

The only openly sleeping in separate room couple I know lead very much house share type relationships.

I couldn’t do it. If dh wanted his own permanent bedroom he could find it in his own bachelor pad.

This!!!! We were really upsetting each other as he was getting really arsey with me every night after HE woke me up snoring. We were arguing in the middle of the night until he went off to the sofa in a strop. That's not good for any relationship.

It's all very well saying you need to sleep together to keep a connection when neither of you disturb one another!! Impossible when you're both sleep deprived because of his bloody snoring, fidgeting and twice nightly loo visits.

Did it a few years ago as I snore and my husband twitches. We used to wake each other up and then be in foul moods. Best decision we ever made
I redecorated the room making it more feminine and a place for me to relax and his room is a shrine to golf plus he’s got a large TV in there. If we are not working he will come through and get in for a cuddle.
it actually helped our relationship. Mind you all the dogs and cats still sleep with me 🙄

We deliberately sleep separately for last 5 years, hasn’t affected our relationship in a negative way at all. In fact we’re really happy to see each other in the morning after a great nights sleep.

I’m guessing your DH just doesn’t like change 🤷‍♀️

I would go for it if you have the space , I would have loved my own room with my ex as his snoring was awful and used to wake the whole house , he didn’t like me moving in bed because I disturbed him and i occasionally breathed on him , don’t think he liked me very much lol .
I wouldn’t like to sleep separately from my now husband as he’s the perfect unicorn of a sleeper , no snoring and doesn’t fidget in fact one night he was uncovered and so cold I thought he was dead , having a super king bed helps too .

Seperate bedrooms is bliss. I simply don’t always want company. Do it, you’ll love it.

Its been the exact opposite for me
Snoring, farting, lack of sleep was eroding our connection
Its been the best thing I ever did
I love my room

I don't know that seperate bedrooms was the cause of my exH cheating or the demise of marriage - I do know that was for the best in hindsight - but I prefer to sleep next to DH, and in 12 years we've only had a period of 5 months when we slept apart while I cared for my eldery cat and it let us both get enough sleep. I was quick to get back in the same room as soon as we could.

I do think it erodes some connection on some level.

I can’t say I’ve ever felt this tbh. I’m only 13 years in though. If I want to read and not disturb DH I stay in the living room. When you own/rent the house… all the rooms are yours

I have my own room and so does my partner. We love being able to have space and privacy to do our own thing. I use my room as a work studio too. We sometimes visit each other for a chat and other stuff ;-)

My DH took a lot of convincing and reassurance we wouldn't become like housemates but eventually came round after we had to sleep separately for a bit due to an injury. We were both so much better rested, no more arguing over snoring etc.

When we started looking at buying our own place, that was a must have and while it took us over a decade to achieve we now both have our own bedrooms and our marriage has never been stronger. We're more rested, more patient with eachother, we both have independent space to decompress and enjoy, and there is something fun about when we choose to have a sleepover 'your place or mine....'

If you can make it work, I absolutely recommend it.

Separate bedrooms don't have to be dead bedrooms.

My husband and I have our own bedrooms - it's been the best thing for both of us as he's really fidgety in his sleep and a duvet hogger and now I'm in menopause, I've also become really fidgety in my sleep and go through phases of wanting the duvet and then not wanting it and kicking it off.
Also I suffer chronic pain so wake often in the night plus he could easily hurt me with his fidgeting without meaning to.

We've been in our bedrooms for years now and at first, it was horrible for both of us but now we really value it. We just ensure that we stay emotionally close to each other and we often have conversations through the wall like daft teenagers.

We've both got our own rooms decorated exactly as we wanted them and I can surround myself with my scented candles etc that he hates.

We're actually closer now than we were, because we're both getting better sleep and we're not waking each other up if the other has a bad night.

This is one of the reasons I love being single. My room, all my stuff where I want it, no-one in there annoying me (except the cat) it's total bliss. What's more annoying than being disturbed when you are trying to read?! I don't think YABU.

OK I've never even considered this as an option and now I desperately want my own room 😂

We’re in the process of deciding whether to get a super king bed or for me to decamp permanently to the spare room. It’s been bliss me being there temporarily (combination of snoring/ frozen shoulder/ peri symptoms), but then much harder coming back. Making the effort to have a night and morning cuddle, and sex at another time in the day when teens are not around has helped.

It worked for Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn.

We have separate bedrooms. I had wanted my own room for a while but It started when I had a chest infection and was coughing all night so I moved into the spare room so I could let him sleep in peace... and I never moved back. I've gone from sleeping in the spare room to sleeping in my own room, decorated the way I want, with all my own things around me. I don't get woken up by his snoring or getting up for a wee, I can have my mattress on an incline (for my gastric reflux), I can put the light on if I wake up in the middle of the night, I can read a book before I go to sleep. He doesn't get woken up by my snoring or getting up for a wee and he can watch television in bed (which I hate).

We are definitely NOT on the verge of a marriage breakdown. It has done us both good I think. No resentment at being woken up or kept awake for a start!

Had them for years, partly because we became light sleepers and constantly disturbed each other, and then because we found we both liked having our own space. It's so much more civilised.

I sleep on the sofa, often. Mostly because I can't sleep with his snoring and crawl onto the sofa in the night and sometimes I will just tell him am shattered and go to sleep on the sofa straight away. The sofa is much more comfy and I sleep much better there.

Do it OP. Just make time for each other too.

I am totally with you OP. I stopped sharing a room with my DH about 18 months ago ( due to his snoring) and I haven't looked back and can't believe that I have spent nearly 40 years sharing a bed and room with various men ( not all at the same time!) I seem to have come full circle and spend time in my room reading and writing like I did as a teenager. He seems to be happy with the arrangement too, he has never been a good sleeper and he can get up and down in the night without waking me. The luxury of stretching out and not having to explain myself is utter bliss. We can share for a few nights if we go away, but I am so happy to get back to my own space. So you definitely not being unreasonable. For the first few months I felt there was bit of stigma attached to not sharing a bed and it was not a good sign for a marriage, but now I don't care what anyone else thinks if the topic comes up.

Unfortunately we only have a one bedroomed apartment, so my own bedroom is only a dream! However DH works nights! So I get the bed all to myself, nothing as blissful as fresh sheets, a good book to curl up with, and the fact that I don't have to listen to his nasal orchestra going into overdrive!

DH and I have had separate rooms since our kids were in infants (he is in bed by 9, up at 5, snores/pees multiple times and I dealt with the kids, their sickness/all of our migraines etc without impacting his ability to drive to and function at work).

It has been great for our marriage - we still bunk together at weekends and holidays and visit during the week for cuddles. I actually know several people who swear by it and are happily married (still.. or as a result of it.). DH and I have been together for 34 years, married 24 and still enjoy each other’s company on weekends away etc. I think the privacy and space has actually enhance intimacy and our enjoyment of each other. But I also know some people would think we are weird.

He’s been in bed for hours, but I will take the dogs out for their bed time pee in a minute, check on the DC (18/21, still up gaming or doing uni studies) and then head off myself knowing I will not disturb him. Works for us.

Just do all this anyway.

We were a household of musical beds when the kids were small. We co slept until the kids decided they wanted their own beds at around 2 years old. Then I moved back in with hubby. However I have insomnia and he is a very light sleeper so we were just disturbing each other. We now have separate rooms and it was the best thing we ever did. We watch TV in bed together, have very regular sex (in his bed) and we get a full nights undisturbed sleep. Works brilliantly here.

People around is though find it weird and think that we must be on the verge of divorce.

Same, same, same!!

Either separate rooms or murder.