AIBU to want my own bedroom after years of sharing?

I’ve had my own room for 19 years since my husband died when I was 54 . I miss him but love having my own space.

Everyone deserves their own space and a good night's sleep, just do it , he may sulk for a bit . I'm sure you can get together at other times and it may improve your relationship in the long run

Yes this is what we do. I don’t want to share a bedroom

I think its something lots of us think about .. im single with my own home now and grown up kids but when I was in a relationship we did talk about having our own bed and bedrooms.. you can still be close I think if its approached the right way it can be a healthy way to live everyone needs space of their own .

I'd be gutted if DH decided to have his own bedroom. I'm a real snuggler and love waking up together, even though DH is a night owl and often goes to bed long after me. We often spend all day apart, working different hours and running around after the DC and hobbies. Starting the day together is lovely.

Can you compromise with a snug, and go to bed quietly if it's really late?

Can’t imagine not having my own space and peace. Would never marry or live with anyone again. My bedroom is sacrosanct.

DP and I have separate homes so only share a bed on a weekend or on holiday - although there are occasions when we are together more often due to circumstances - if I’ve got an early start it disturbs me so one of us will sleep in guest room as I go to bed hours earlier and like to be up early

we have single beds but the same room -even then I get up at night and adjourn to my den to read

fascinated to see how many people do want / have separate bedrooms

Tbh id make it my library with a big comfy chair and a blanket and lights. And id buy a king-size bed and sleep with my DH

I've got a kind of compromise; DH works away Mon- Fri so I have the bed to myself 4 nights a week, it's lovely, but I look forward to him coming back on a Friday. I think if he was here full time I'd crave a space of my own as well. I've got the spare room as my craft room though! I love being able to leave projects out to work on when I feel like it.

If he can't be what you need, surely that's a bigger thing than wanting your own bedroom? That's relationship ending, in my eyes.

When my son moved out a decade a go I was quick to claim his room! Husband was a bit put out to begin with but since he likes to be in bed by 9 and I'm still up at 1 am then like to read for a bit I put forward a persuasive case! I'm in a single bed and I sleep so much better without him fidgeting around.
If it's the lack of sex that worries him let him know that it's far more exciting and spontaneous in other locations around the house!

My late husband and I had separate bedrooms for a few years because apparently one of us snored! The cheek of it! We spent the first hour or so of every night together in one bed, reading, chatting or cuddling then separated for the night. It felt more intimate and we both slept much better because of it.

When he became ill the separate bedrooms were a necessity but less traumatic because we were used to it.

I honestly can not think if anything worst, with work family commitments ect . The time cuddled up in bed is our time as we miss each other so much. However talking to my colleagues in work they are of the same view as you, one even told me I was mad. Maybe as someone suggested a off night here and there to start may ease hubbies concerns that you don't want him any more.

I shared a bed with my DH and honestly for most of the time it was torture, severe snoring and my MH deteriorated and I was heading for a breakdown
He wasnt thrilled but it was that or divorce
I think all the "gotta sleep with my man"posters are actually getting sleep, I wasnt!

In RL any women who finds out I have my own room is deeply envious
Intimacy does not mean hearing your husband fart all night 😂

i took my own room 2 years ago, husband hates it and constantly says he wants us to share again but I love it I can escape in there at night and just read and relax, I never want to sleep with anyone again. I feel so much better with my own space

DH and I have had our own rooms for a long time, personally I think if you can afford to have separate bedrooms why wouldn’t you?
Sleep quality is pivotal for health and well being and most people sleep better apart ime.

Our solution (I'm a nightowl) is that I come to bed an hour or two after they go to bed. The real issue was my OH's inability to fall asleep when I am in the bed. That seems to have done the trick

I’d be interested to read a thread where a husband suggests this. I get the feeling he’d be accused of all sorts of reasons, none positive.

i wouldn’t be enthusiastic if my partner suggested this and I’d feel it was a vote of no confidence in the relationship to be honest

I have a very healthy marriage and sex life but i would say 2-3 nights a week i sleep on my own and DH will de bunk. I just say im tired tonight and want my own space, or he’ll have got back late etc. It’s a great mix and I do enjoy having the peace and quiet. i’m sure you could do a mix without offending him

My husband and I came to a compromise, I have the spare room with all a wardrobe, drawers a dresser and all my books. He brought me a recliner chair and bookcases and it is my little sanctuary. I still sleep in the same room with my husband so have the best of both worlds.

Mine is / was like that too .
he also snored he had nightmares.
one time he whacked me in his sleep so I’d had enough and started using the kids rooms if they were ever away on a sleepover or a school trip .
i even shared a pull out bed in my little one’s room

I have a pathological aversion to snoring due to living with someone with sleep apnoea. The whole 20+ years that we were together, he refused to do anything about it until it began to affect his health. Then he got a diagnosis and a CPAP Machine. For our entire relationship, I was exhausted and burnt out. It was genuinely torture. Just talking about it, triggers me. When I met my now, husband and we slept together for the first time I went into panic mode laying awake listening for the slightest sound. I realised after four years of living on my own and sleeping like a baby at last I wasn’t prepared to go back to sharing again. When we retired and moved, my one condition was that the house was big enough to have a bedroom each. Luckily, we found our ideal house and we have two bedrooms with en suites. He is an early Bird and I am a night owl so sleeping together would never have worked. I can’t tell you what bliss It is to have your own space with your own bed and your own bathroom! I read, I watch telly, I fall asleep when I want to, I get up when I want to. I always made this clear to my husband so he knew upfront. It was not negotiable. I can understand if you’ve been in a relationship where you’ve shared a bed and then decide you no longer want to It’s a quite different situation, so I do think you need to have a conversation about it. Ultimately, you can’t sacrifice your real desire to have your own space so as not to hurt your Partner's feelings. Explain that it’s having an impact on your physical and mental health not having your personal space and good sleep. If he puts his feelings before your health, I would not be inclined to care about his feelings on the matter. Many many couples have separate rooms in later life.

I think it’s a good idea , have it all lovely with the colours you’d like, the bed and bedlinen you’d like , all smelling lovely .
If you want windows open or closed or a fan on it’s up to you .
Go to bed / sleep / read when you want to without disturbing your husband.
I shared a bed and/ or a bedroom for years .
I didn’t have my own room when I lived with my parents as a child/ teenager.
I didn’t even have my own room in uni halls or shared accommodation .
When some of my children grew up and left home I used their bedrooms to get a good nights sleep.
in our current house I have my own bedroom and it’s lovely, I think I would be exhausted otherwise