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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel less of a mother for having one child only?

40 replies

Sweetdreamsbeautifulnightmare · 28/07/2026 12:52

Not sure if this is a common feeling but I only have one son. I’m 39 and we don’t want anymore. He’s 8 nearly and I always assumed I’d have more but I struggled a lot with him in the early days! He’s a lovely intelligent well liked boy but never slept well and still doesn’t! This totally put me off more for my sanity!

However, my DH and I are definitely in the minority. In his class only one other friend is a single, the rest have at least one or two siblings! Plus the one who is the single has parents who are older who struggled to conceive.

I feel less of a mother for only having one child! I don’t worry he’s lonely as he has lots of friends and cousins and tbh I see how others struggle with two and don’t regret our decision but I do feel like I’m not a mother the same as they are! Does this resonate with anyone?!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/07/2026 13:53

IIRC this is your second post about this. There was more detail in the first. I think this is an intrusive and unhealthy almost obsession and you could do with talking to a professional about it.

It's the thoughts, not your situation, that is the issue.

ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer · 28/07/2026 13:41

Maray1967 · 28/07/2026 13:32

No, i strongly reject that notion, just as I reacted badly before I had DS2 and SIL made a throwaway comment about me not knowing what being a parent was really like until I had two.

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What an absolutely obnoxious thing to say, I can’t imagine even thinking this let alone saying it!

ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer · 28/07/2026 13:40

I am a mother of two and can confirm you are 100% no less of a mother than I am, just like I’m no less of a mother than a mother of three! There are so many positives, I bet your son has so much of your time and attention and feels like he is loved more than anything in the whole world! I adore having two but the guilt niggles at me constantly about splitting my time, my second can’t do a lot of the things my first could do at the same age and I always feel like it’s because I haven’t spent enough time with her which really eats me up inside a lot of the time

Maray1967 · 28/07/2026 13:32

Sweetdreamsbeautifulnightmare · 28/07/2026 12:52

Not sure if this is a common feeling but I only have one son. I’m 39 and we don’t want anymore. He’s 8 nearly and I always assumed I’d have more but I struggled a lot with him in the early days! He’s a lovely intelligent well liked boy but never slept well and still doesn’t! This totally put me off more for my sanity!

However, my DH and I are definitely in the minority. In his class only one other friend is a single, the rest have at least one or two siblings! Plus the one who is the single has parents who are older who struggled to conceive.

I feel less of a mother for only having one child! I don’t worry he’s lonely as he has lots of friends and cousins and tbh I see how others struggle with two and don’t regret our decision but I do feel like I’m not a mother the same as they are! Does this resonate with anyone?!

No, i strongly reject that notion, just as I reacted badly before I had DS2 and SIL made a throwaway comment about me not knowing what being a parent was really like until I had two.

AnnaQuayRules · 28/07/2026 13:27

Of course you're still a mum!
One of my friends has 5 children, I don't think she's more of a mum than I am. Different families look different,that's all. We are still all families

iloveanearlynight · 28/07/2026 13:27

Oh damn I clicked the wrong way. Yabu. Absolutely ridiculous to say that op.

Whatevergoes2025 · 28/07/2026 13:23

100% a mother but no 2 families/mothers/children/environment are alike, therefore no point in comparison.

1 child is incredibly sensible!

mrlistersgelfbride · 28/07/2026 13:16

I could have written something similar!
I’m 41 and DD is 8. One is more than enough for me! I do know what you mean and i sometimes feel the same, I often compare myself to other women i know at school , DDs friends mums, who have 2,3 or more children.

But some people are meant to have 1 child, some more, and some none! It doesn’t come easily to me and i think im a better mum for having 1. I’m also a better sister, daughter, friend and colleague as i’m not spread too thin and have time for ‘me’. Having 1 child is the best kept secret!

Friendlygingercat · 28/07/2026 13:02

You should be proud that you are burdening the planet and the community with on less child to be paid for my my taxes.

MatchaTea1 · 28/07/2026 13:00

You child doesn’t see you as less of a mother as he doesn’t have siblings, and his opinion on your mothering is all that should count :)

emuloc · 28/07/2026 12:59

Hmm I would not have thought that being a mother equated to the number of children a Woman has. I knew a Woman who was defiantly a mother, and had not given birth once.

PetiteParakeet · 28/07/2026 12:58

I’m an only child. My mum was in absolutely no way “less of a mother”.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/07/2026 12:58

You are 100% a mother, @Sweetdreamsbeautifulnightmare!

EssCarGo · 28/07/2026 12:57

Mother is a binary thing I suppose; you either are one or you’re not. And you are!

Loulou4022 · 28/07/2026 12:56

Of course you’re a mother the same as everyone else! You worth isn’t counted on the number of a children you have. I have no children and I don’t feel my worth is less than anyone else because of that! You and DH seem to have made a very sensible decision to not have more which in turn gives you more time to dedicate to your DS