Blended family finances

Do you rent or how is current housing split?

Remind him that you could choose to not use the money as a deposit, instead pay it into savings/pensions which would probably increase more than a house value. If he wants 50/50 then deposits should be 50/50. By only ringfencing the deposit you are foregoing the increase in savings

By using your inheritance you are helping him financially because the mortgage will be lower.

Otherwise he is asking you to share the inheritance which isn't on.

Run.
If you absolutely want to go ahead then only as TIC, with a Deed of Trust.
He is into a good thing, and he knows it.
Don't marry him, either!

This. And the other post about whether his interest in buying ramped up after your inheritance. I suspect the next thing he will push for is wills where you leave everything to him and/or to name his children as beneficiaries.

Don’t buy without the ringfence, OP and be prepared to pull out or sell in the future if things start to unravel.

Having joint finances should only be considered when there are biological kids involved, so that one parent is not paying more towards the kids than the other.
Your situation is completely different.

You should be paying bills relative to your income - eg 50% of your income each should go in the ‘joint pot’ for bills and holidays etc

It means the higher payer contributing more but also having more savings and free cash to do what they want with.

You 100% do not share this house 50/50.
You ring fence exactly what you put into it.

You have to be realistic and prepare for the worst. It doesn’t mean that you don’t think this relationship will last.
I don’t have life insurance because I assume I’m going to die young, I do it to prepare for the absolute worst case scenario.

Your DP should not be making you feel guilty over this.

I’m guessing this is a reverse.

This isnt really a blended family.

Its you taking on a man, his daughters, and his low-earning ex and subsidising them.

You have a lot to lose. No wonder he wants 50/50!

You shouldn’t share your deposit. Would matching his deposit and investing the rest be an option? That way you’re both 50:50?

The hills are to the left
run for them!

Of course you should protect your deposit. Ideally you would both put in an equal deposit then split the mortgage/bills 50/50. You can save the rest of your inheritance.
Why on earth are you paying for all socialising/holidays etc? It should be 50/50. I'd be stopping that and putting more into savings/pension. He's on a decent salary not that much less than you if that's pre tax salaries. It does look like he's using you as an ATM from the outside. Do men have no pride anymore, scrounging off girlfriends, happily taking all the freebies. Massive turn off for me.

Ps op there is talk about the rules changing about cohabiting unmarried couples so take care.

He is being really unreasonable. He, and his two daughters, are already benefitting from your much higher earnings via holidays, days out, take-aways, clothes and makeup and pocket money, all paid for by you.

The large 50% deposit paid for by you will mean a much smaller mortgage which he will benefit from.

He would only be disadvantaged (quite reasonably) if your relationship ended and your assets were split.

His reaction would make me distrust him and his motives for buying a house together. He and his daughters have a much more comfortable lifestyle due to your higher salary and generosity. His ex-wife is also benefitting as she is receiving £600 maintenance per month with a 50/50 childcare split which would normally mean that no maintenace was due, especially as he isn't a high earner.

Please make sure that you do ring-fence your deposit and don't cave in to his emotional blackmail.

hes currently taking the piss financially of you, why he is not embarrassed having young woman funding his kids pocket money and take aways is beyond me.

you need to make it clear that finances will always be separate. He can like it or lump it. Die on this hill op. If he will be with you forever then he has nothing to worry about.

you do perhaps need to think about wills and what would happen to his home when you die. How long would he be allowed to live in it etc .

I’m not a believer in joint finances and we did get together at 29/31 and have children together but I’m one of very few on MN that believe this. There are specific reasons due to the way we each run our money, stock market shenanigans mean instant decision making needed.

Do not buy unless he agrees to ring fence the deposits.

In theory you are a woman who is probably better off not marrying as you earn a lot more than him. It’s all about the higher earner really which historically is men plus women giving up career progression by having children and especially if they become a SAHP. There are also tax reasons due to inheritance tax to marry but that is dependant on financial circumstances.

You do of course have this legislative proposal of asset sharing on break up proposed. I agree with it if people have children together but not just living together. Who knows if this will come about as still in consultation. If it goes ahead you would already be caught by it as proposal is co habitation for 3 years.

I’m on the other side of this equation.

I have two children and earn significantly less than my partner, who also recently inherited.

If we were moving in together, I’d hope for a joint account for things like groceries, bills, holidays etc, but would absolutely expect our deposits to be ring fenced - and for both of us to update our wills.

If he loves you there’s no reason he’d put in you in a position to be financially worse off if the relationship were to end. You need to protect yourself and simply say you won’t compromise on this and won’t go ahead unless he agrees to your terms. You have more to loose than him.

DH and I have been married for over thirty years and we are tenants in common. PIL after 60 years of marriage have changed to tenants in common. This protects half of the property if only one of the owners needs care home support. If you’re joint tenants the local authority can claim almost everything after the second owner dies. So your DP’s suggestion is foolish. If you needed a care home for a while and he didn’t, being joint tenants would not protect his ‘share’ of the property for his DC whereas being TIC would.

I’m aware that mumsnet normally tells people to have joint finances

That advice is not usually for people in your circumstances. Hold firm.

And the indirect ones if she is paying 50% living costs when his children live there 50% of the time. Fairly, it would be more like 1/3.

It’s actually alarming that he’s taking issue with you wanting to ring fence your deposit.
It’s a massive red flag and I would be there are other red flags from him in your relationship.
Do not put half the value of the property in and do 50/50 joint ownership.

The only way a 50/50 mortgage can work is if you only put £50k in to match his and put the remainder of your money into investments.
But even that would consider.

@PersephoneMidnight we were in a similar situation 35 years ago. We got married. DH insisted that our respective equity was formalised and there was a legal agreement in place. You know, because he's a decent, honest, fair, loyal, moral sort of chap.

It was irrelevant after two dc and ten years when his earnings outstripped mine and because he was self employed put the house solely in my name.

Run and ponder why the first marriage didn't work selfish, grabby bastard

I think you have made a couple of errors OP.

It is nice that you are so generous to your SD's, but they are not your children and you should not be paying for them. You have got yourself into a routine of buying them things and giving them money. I think this is a massive mistake.

I think one of the things you need to do is keep your powder dry. Why does he need to know the ins and outs of your financial situation. If you have separate accounts why does he need to know how much money you have?

You don't have any DC, so why are you paying out for them?

I would absolutely draw a line that you are not compromising on your deposit and split of the house.

Even though you have been in a relationship for 10 years I can see what he is getting out of it, but aside from a warm bed and someone who can put up a shelf (maybe) I cannot see what is in it for you?

Stick to your plan.
I was thinking that you could instead reduce your deposit to match but then if you break up he’d likely claim the property to house his kids and you’d need to start again. I.e even if he could buy you out it is more hassle, but he might make it really difficult for you to not leave him with the whole property if he couldn’t afford to buy you out as he’d say you were making his kids homeless and you’d have the extra cash and income to start again when he couldn’t.
So no - either protect the full deposit (as you are trying to) or don’t buy with him at all.

It basically comes down to him wanting a marriage type partnership and you adamantly don’t and never do, maybe about time the reality came to a head for you both

Stick to your guns and protect your money.

Also, you’re being very generous giving the dc £20 per month plus phones, ie £100 (.?) per month.

i think in your situation, you have a joint pot for mortgage and bills, and keep the rest separate.

OP You sound very smart and I am smiling reading your updates because you clearly have your head screwed on straight.

You are absolutely correct with your instincts ; it's not that you don't love him you're just being sensible.

I am so sorry he is showing you an unsavoury side to him now, you must be devstated xxxx

Only if they’re planning children and taking that career hit. Marriage and security protect women in that situation. He never will be.