Blended family finances

My thoughts too!

You make more than him, have no dependents and are paying half the amount? He’s loving having found you.

Either TIC with amounts ring fenced. Or JT but only he pays the mortgage seeing as you’ve paid for your half of the house.

The fact he calls you selfish when you’re paying for his own kids pocket money is jaw dropping. I’d be seriously rethinking the relationship

Jesus H Christ OP - he sure saw you coming!
Mumsnet would never say have joint finances in a situation such as yours - you are being taken for an absolute fool, actually I think this verges on financial abuse, at least emotional abuse via finances!
Fuck 50:50 expenses, fuck paying for holidays, fuck tenants in common, and if partner and ex are 50:50 time with the kids he shouldnt be paying her anything, fuck your partner, he is an emotionally abusive, greedy, selfish, sponging cocklodging prick!
I would actually advocate to LTB, he has zero respect for you. Sorry OP.

In this situation wouldn’t it be best to both have your own properties? He has enough of a deposit to put down on his own little house which could be rented out and you own the one you’re moving into.

That way he still has something he’s invested in.

I think trying to buy together when you’re not married and there’s differences in kids and earnings etc is a bad idea.

You need to look at the cold hard facts here. Let’s imagine your purchase is £400k. His deposit is £50K, ie 12.5%. Your deposit is £150K ie 37.5%. Total deposit £200k (50%)
If the house were owned as Joint tenants and you split up, assuming the house was sold for the same as it was bought, you would both receive £100k back in equity, plus half each of whatever remained after the mortgage was paid back. That is mighty unfair. In addition, if either of you were to die the other would get own the full house - his DC would lose out because he wouldn’t be able to leave his share to them.
Using the same figures, owned as TIC you would have a Trust drawn up in the proportion of 37.5% him and 62.5% you. Selling the house for, say, £500K with an outstanding mortgage of £150K would see him receive £131K and you receive £218K. His share could be left to his DC in his will set up as a trust, your share could be left to whomever you choose.

It depends what percentage of the mortgage they each paid though @LakieLady. That's the thing to be clear on. If you really do decide to go ahead OP, I'd want a declaration of trust as well setting out who is paying what and making sure that's accounted for when you sell. Not that your partner would agree to that either by the sound of things.

I think he genuinely feels a bit hurt that I don’t trust him or the longevity of our relationship.

Interesting point of view considering the ringfencing only really matters if you split up. So why does protecting your grandfather’s inheritance in the event of a future separation mean you don’t trust the longevity of the relationship, while his insistence that he should be entitled to half of it in exactly that scenario apparently doesn’t?

You’re not asking to deprive him of anything he has contributed. You’re asking to protect what you brought into the purchase, and he can protect his £50k in exactly the same way. Given that you’re deliberately not married and have always kept your finances separate, tenants in common with the deposits ringfenced seems entirely consistent with the financial arrangement you have both chosen for the last ten years.

You are buying a bigger and more expensive house than you’d need as a child free woman because he has kids. It sounds like you are very generous with them too.

As this isn’t a first relationship, you are right to have separate finances. Joint is when the kids are between the couple so there is transparency about the cost of kids. (Lots of couples seem to talk into the dynamic where she pays all the kids stuff and he thinks child benefit is plenty to cover that cost)

You're not selfish Op, if he didn't have children you could buy a smaller house, smaller bills, lower outgoings so you're already shoring him up financially. Buy the house together if you want to but only on your terms, he only gets what he's paid in

Why does he pay his ex maintenance when they share the children 50/50? I’d knock that on the head and he can use that money to pay for his children’s phones, pocket money, holidays, treats himself. You’re being overly generous (and kind) but why are you paying anything for his kids?! Treats and presents of course I understand but not normal life expenses!

100% of posters have said tenants in common and your ring fence your deposit or reflect that as a % of the value contribution. He’s already getting a cheaper mortgage as a result of your hard work and choice not to have children.

Faith in the relationship cuts both ways, the legal mechanisms are there to protect you in the event of a split, it’s not a lack of trust, it’s hedging on a proven statistic. If you don’t split then it’s not a problem is it?

Please listen to every single person on MN that has advised you correctly, including a lawyer.

After 10 years together I would be very upset if my partner twisted the narrative to deflect from his own selfishness and used emotional blackmail on me. He sounds manipulative and from what you’ve said, your gut feelings are warning you so definitely stick to your instincts. And if he’s so sure of the relationship then what’s the issue with your suggestion! Turn his argument back to him and his reaction will reveal a lot.

Tenants in common all the way when you are putting in a much larger deposit than him.

Respectfully, like fk would I be paying for their phones.
Nor would i be paying solely for all holidays /takeaways/ spending money.
He saw you coming OP. You're a giver and he's a taking CF.....match made for disaster. This house will no doubt go to him if you die first then on to his daughters but if he dies first, can't his daughters come for his half? I don't understand the law on this but sure i've read of it happening.
Edited to ask, if you have 50/50 why is he paying £600 a month to their mum?

I bet he will also expect OP to leave her larger share of the house to his children, and not her o family members.

Absolutely tenants in common.

Legally his daughters are not your step daughters as you are not married.

Good that you have an up to date will.

Not only do I think you should ringfence your deposit, I'd recommend that you do it as a proportion of the whatever the value of the property is at the time of settling finances should you ever split up.

A friend ringfenced her deposit when she bought a place with her partner; it was 25% of the purchase price but she only ringfenced the amount, not the proportion. When they split years later, that extra £6k made fuck all difference, as the £24k house they'd bought was £350k by then.

I have always had joint finances with my DH but we started out as virtual teenages and piss poor. We have kids together ( no others from past relationships ) and have bought everything together having similar salaries for most of our lives. It’s totally totally different to your situation. Why do you need joint finances?? You have no kids.
You already pay loads. You’re still very young. I really can’t understand why he would expect you to put all your capital to the house as if it’s half his? Why does he need that? If not put the same amount each in and you keep the test in savings. Calling you selfish is awful you don’t sound selfish at all.

Absolutely protect your inheritance. My partner of 35 years has said that my inheritance is solely mine.

THIS.

Tenants in common is the only fair way or you buy on your own. You are already paying for holidays etc when you don’t have any dependents of your own. Shared finances don’t work in a situation like yours. You are already being incredibly generous, don’t compromise on the house.

Why does he pay his ex CM when he has the children 50% of the time? I understand him paying the extra curriculars if she can’t afford that so they don’t miss out.

This is a good point.

Also, you should point out that this makes more sense for his DC. I imagine he has named them as beneficiaries in his will, but if you own jointly then his share will automatically come to you. If he wants his DC to get his share then you have to own as tenants in common.

I would also be thinking about what this would mean to whichever of you survived and found yourself only owning part of your home.

You need proper legal advice here.

Absolutely ring fence your money. You sound very generous which is nice but he’s totally taking advantage expecting to go 50 50 on the house. Please protect your inheritance and savings

YANBU. Why should you end up with less money and a less nice property than you would otherwise have had, if you break up? Why should your assets end up in the pockets of his kids? Tell him it's your way or no way.

Absolutely the fuck not. Do not marry him and keep your finances separate.