Blended family finances

I’m really sorry to read this, even having read your update that you are insisting on tenants in common. Maybe he does describe it as a lack of trust, and I’m really glad you have the background to understand the implications of what he is suggesting.

what measures is he planning to take? Has he for example written a will that leaves his share back to you? You will be aware that if he dies intestate his ‘share’ of your inheritance will go to his children. You will be living in a house that you have financed and no longer own. Would you be ‘allowed’ to stay living there or would you be under pressure to free up his share for his children?

completely understand that you do not want to disrupt the sale but please. He is showing you who he is. please believe him. It’s not just this one decision, it’s how he is thinking about the disparity in your finances.

selfish pah!

My concern is the line he is taking, calling someone so demonstrably generous selfish is really very concerning. What is his argument other than calling you selfish?

It is only going to get worse for you. This will be your reward for your generosity. Please think why is he trying to push your generosity button this early in your joint financial history.

please think about why …. He isn’t thanking you for all that you do for him and his family and instead calling you selfish for asking for more.

Why would she want to invest it elsewhere?

Also, if at 39 he's cutting back on work because of health issues, it may be that before long he's unable to work and then she'd be the sole provider.

Hey come on.

If they met when OP was in her mid 20s, she's been bank rolling him and his children for years.

That is far in excess of what most women in their 20s would do.

Paying £160 a month in pocket money, buying them clothes etc is far more than anyone would expect or is reasonable from a woman still in her early 30s.

She also pays for holidays and days out.

I would also seriously think about a long term future with a man who insists on more than he is due and who has a health condition meaning that at 39 he has to cut back on his own work.

It' bad enough being with someone when ill health sets in later in life, but at 32, it's something to give huge consideration to. Especially when he appears to be greedy over money.

Can you change the mortgage so that you both put in the same deposit. Then invest your inheritance elsewhere.

Stick to what you are saying. I can understand why he perhaps feels how he does but it is unjustified. He’s wanting it to be like a married couple, and you aren’t.

i think you are already being more than generous with your financial situation and he is hugely benefitting from that. I don’t think this is wrong of you, but you essentially don’t have to do this and are choosing to fair equality (or as much as is possible) allowing him to support his kids mum, and to live a lifestyle he otherwise wouldn’t be able to. he is forgetting this.

you are being sensible and rightly so, as much as we want rose tinted glasses, these things can’t be promised as forever, so we have to take a step back and be sensible even though it’s difficult to do sometimes.

tenants in common and you ringfence your money and he does his.

Ignore the posters saying you shouldn’t contribute to the kids. You are a partnership and until now have been working as a unit and sharing finances even if you didn’t have to. Imagine given your age that your salary wasn’t so high ten years ago & he isn’t quite the gold digger people are making him out to be

I was the much lower contributor when I bought with DP a d we did 50/50 but the situation was totally different. No children at the time but we had intention to marry and have kids. Which we did.
If either party had existing children this would not be appropriate.

At only age 32 I'm amazed you're sharing his care of two teenagers.

He clearly started young in terms of having a family.

Many women of your age don't even have a baby yet!

There isn't even a debate around this- it's your money, you;re not married an never want to be, so why would you hand over your inheritance and more to man who might walk away? Or you might .

Tenants in common with % owned based on what you are paying in. So if house is 500k and your out in 250 and partner 50, you will each have 350 and 150 respectively. So you will own 70% and him 30% but will pay 50/50 on the mortgage. Otherwise just put same deposit down abd iwn 50/50, retaining yoyr inheritance in a separate account.

100%

Seems quite a sad way to live.

Seriously, what do you get out of the relationship other than losing vast amounts of money on another woman's children and a man that calls you selfish for not spending more of your money on this other woman's children?

And let me guess , on top of it all, you do majority in terms of cooking, laundry and cleaning too.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man like this, let alone buy a home with/for him.

He’s landed right on his feet with you! You are being used and not too subtly either. I would definitely recommend protecting your investment and get separate legal advice how to make this watertight.

If he wants a 50/50 arrangement then you both put in equal shares as a deposit and go for a bigger mortgage. That way you protect your inheritance and can invest it or save it or whatever you want. Your personal interests are protected and the argument for unfairness is taken away. You are already very generous with this man and his children and he should appreciate this.

Protect your grandfather's money OP at all costs. It's amazing how some people can have a personality transplant when they realise they're not going to get something they decided they were entitled to. This relationship isn't equal. He has kids. You don't - although you give them a lot. You have more money and are younger with a higher salary. Sorry to sound mercenary, but did you want to take on someone else's family rather than go for a partner with no kids, like yourself? Be careful your good and caring nature doesn't make you end up broke and resentful.

Ask him how he would feel about him not being able to leave the kids his share of the house if he dies. Because if it's joint tenants it automatically becomes yours and is not part of the will.
Put it to him that way and he might get it.
Tenants in common you can do what you like with each share. Joint tenants you can't

If he gets the 50/50 split he wants then once you've bought the house he can dump you and walk away with a pretty penny. I know someone this happened to, they lost thousands and the ex gained thousands.

Run a mile. Do NOT buy with him. He is taking the absolute piss. You’re a cash cow.

Im proud of you that you are not backing down. Not many women are so sensible. You do know that one day those kids and your dp could leave you and become strangers to you, and they could own half your house!

im glad you are making a very sensible decision

Don't buy with him. Trust your instincts. He is rubbing his hands together at this deal.

Don't allow him to frame this is ' you don't trust me'. You are clear-headedly protecting yourself and this has nothing to do with him.

I see his point but I think that’s because I’d always be lower earner and think people ringfencing etc means ye are going into buying not a team but it is the fairer way- I just don’t think ye should because in the future with his dependents ye are going to have non stop battles

He’s a CF.

Tennents in common. You owe it to your grandfather. Wishing you all the best.

I just read your replies, so sorry if this has already been said, but you know that his share of the house won't necessarily come to you if something happened to him, right? He can leave it to his children, if he has no will, it will go to them too, and even if he writes a will in your favour now, he could change that at any time without informing you.

You are doing the right thing he’s not entitled to half your money. Different story if you are married/ have a family starting from scratch together

I think that him saying that if he doesn't own the house 50/50, it won't feel like his home is some pretty awful emotional blackmail.

He will be living in a lovely, much bigger home that he would ever be able to afford on his own and his proportion of the property will increase in value. As I and other posters have previously said, him owning less than 50% of the property will only impact him if you split up.

You are being incredibly generous to him, his children and even his ex-wife as he wouldn't be able to afford to give her so much money if you weren't subsidising his costs.