Blended family finances

'We currently rent and split everything 50/50 but I do pay for our holidays, takeaways and days out. I also treat my step daughters with clothes, makeup and give them pocket money £20 a week each and pay for the phones.'
You don't split everything. You pay for most things including for his children.

@PersephoneMidnight Glad to see you say it will be tenants in common.

Another thing to consider is if you had agreed to joint tenants and died first he would inherit the house irrespective of what your will says.

My advice is see a STEP solicitor https://www.step.org/directory/members/search

You are already very generous.
Be very wary of a man who has two children calling you selfish when you already pay so much.

Huge red flag.
Don't ignore that.

That would be my take too

You sound like a wonderful stepmum. My view is usually that if you are choosing t9 blend a family then you need to be all in and combine all aspects of family life - people with children come as a package and that means equal responsibility, no difference between whose children are whose etc. But something about this just feels... off. If you aren't planning to marry, I think 100% tenants in common. Protect you grandfather's money, just in case. It's a red flag he's being so pushy on this.

Unless tenants in common he can't leave his "share" to anyone
They both own 100% as joint tenants and upon death the surviving person becomes the owner
You can only leave your share if you own as tenants in common

if you read more of the Op’s posts her husband is self employed and has a brain injury so now cannot earn as much.

they actually have a true partnership because its not all 50/50, sometimes when one partner is down you step up to provide the support. They are in a long term relationship. No wonder the OP name changed cos honestly she asked for advice on the mortgage situation & what she has got is relationship advice & her husband called greedy, a gold digger, using her, saw her coming.

maybe a man who has kids & a brain injury limiting his earning power has the concerns if they split how will he be left. As I said earlier if this was role reversal the replies would be vastly different

If you’re not married you need to be very careful!!

text book situation for Tenants In Common mortgage. How is he going to be convinced though? Maybe show him this thread

Don’t ever marry him.

You seem hellbent on the purchase. So go ahead and protect your assets.

Are you happy to remain childless?
He needs to work longer hours now. There are red flags everywhere. I guess you are going ahead. Good Luck!

As said the accusation that yourself is outrageous, you're actually extremely generous, and in spite of this he is pushing hard to get even more of your money.
I would be calmly and firmly sticking to my original position, then watch his behaviour and be ready to call it off. Don't back down.

Aren’t you hurt that he even thinks your wishes are selfish, never mind said so, after everything you’re giving to him, his kids and even his ex? You’re funding her £600 a month. He’s extraordinarily fortunate to have you working hard to subsidise everyone and instead of being grateful he wants more.

You sound lovely, kind, accomplished and generous OP. You have obviously done well in your career and are in an excellent position financially.

You clearly love your partner and his children. If you wish to spend your money on them, that's your prerogative.

However - it is outrageous for your partner to suggest that you are in any way selfish to insist on tenants in common. He has an unbelievably good deal financially by being with you. He's able to live in a much bigger house than he could ever afford otherwise, with his younger and higher-earning partner subsidising his and his children's lifestyles.

Where would he, his children, and his children's mother be without you financially? In a mess, most likely. You are bankrolling all of them.

So well done for holding firm on tenants in common. That is absolutely non-negotiable. You sound intelligent and switched on. Good for you.

Outside of this our relationship is very positive, we share domestic duties and enjoy spending time together both as a couple and family
He's keeping you sweet because he wants to get his hands on your money.

No way, don't do it.
And why are you responsible for buying makeup and gifts for SD? And takeaways for everyone?

You're being taken for a ride and he's clearly trying to rip you off.

I do pay for our holidays, takeaways and days out. I also treat my step daughters with clothes, makeup and give them pocket money £20 a week each and pay for the phones.

He is doing really well out of this deal isn't he?

I earn similar to your partner and have one teenage son with me 100% of the time and receive nothing from his dad and never have and pay for every single thing including all holidays etc so he should have more than enough to even contribute to these things! Amd my rent is high!

I would not be sharing any possible inheritance with anyone except my son. Dont do it.

Try to emotionally separate out the relationship you have with the girls from the financial relationship you have with their father. It is lovely that you see the girls as part of your family and want to provide great experiences for them.

But now you have to put on your hard financial head and sort out your finances with their father. As others have said if you stay together then being tenants in common doesn’t really make any difference, especially if you have a tightly worded will. You do need however to think of the worst case scenario, you could split up and then you would be really scuppered.

Think of it as an insurance policy, eg you insure your car and hope you never have an accident, but if you do you want the insurance to make good, so if you have an old banger third party is ok, but for a decent car you want fully comp. He is expecting you you to do third party on your top of the range BMW that he is a named driver on, and to soak up the difference if the car gets written off!

Just don't give him the choice. If he wants to buy this home with you your proportion is protected, end of.

You have been so generous to your partner and his children and yet he calls you selfish when you don't do something that would hugely benefit him but potentially hugely damage you financially if you split? Sod that, I'd be rethinking everything.

I think this is a boiling frog situation. You met him when you were 22, he was 29 with a 4 yo and a 6 yo. Over the years as you've earnt more and more you've supported his kids and ex more and more. I dearly hope he and his ex haven't always relied on you for childcare as well.

You are the opposite of selfish (maybe slightly mad but that's just my opinion!), how dare he say that. I'd be so angry.

Well, turn this on him.... as you both now you'll be together forever anyway, it doesn't matter does it?

I think this is just normal, sensible financial planning. you are already funding him and his DDs which, based on what you've said here, I think is totally fine as you clearly do see it as a partnership and a joint/blended family. And I'd be reminding him of that. But in this particular isntance, it makes no sense for you to agre to completely share finances in the context of this asset.

DEFINITELY ring-fence your deposit and have it expressed as a percentage rather than an amount. So for example, you own the first 50% of the value, plus 50% of the remaining amount/equity. You need this drawn up properly by a lawyer.

I did this years ago when it was called a Property Adjustment Order.

Remember that you have different vulnerabilities because you are not married.

Blending finances is a very risky business as men tend to prioritise their money differently to women.

He is pushing for joint tenants 50/50
Of course he is. I'm sure he wouldn't if it was the other way around.

You are being sensible, he is being grabby. You need to stop paying for all the luxuries for everyone imo. You're just going to teach them they have a right to your money. Paying 5050 is fair considered you earn more but he has more occupants in the house. You don't then need to be subsidising him further.

Oh gosh OP. Heed the advice here OP! This is really not sensible for you. Even if you were married I would say that you should ring fence your deposits but as you are contributing so much more and are the higher earner (and have no kids) you really must protect yourself.