Blended family finances

If not, it’s entirely reasonable that you get your respective deposits back before any equity is split in the event if separation. I would not proceed unless it’s on that basis.

He's the one who's not trusting the longevity of your relationship. So long as you are together, the way you own the house makes no difference. It's if you split up that it does. And if you do, he wants to make sure he walks away with half your assets.

Don't let him.

Could you match his deposit and invest the rest of your money?

Do not buy with this man

My DW had a complete personality change after we got married. I went into everything 50/50 like the marriage service says. I started with half the value of our first house now DW jointly owns half. This makes things tricky. She thinks her mothers legacy is "her money" whereas in reality (?) any money that comes in is pooled and belongs to both of us. We have no blended family issues. In your situation OP I am with you - ring fence the contributions to your house. Good luck.

Selfish, yes, good. Be selfish, you should be looking out for your interests.

I don't agree with the "he saw you coming" comments after 10 years together, but I do agree you should ring fence your deposit money. Stay firm OP.

I do think the cynical he saw you coming is a tad over the top, but explain it's a difficult conversation but you have a red line. Be empathetic and explain there are a huge number of forces in the world that could break you up.

If he has a red line on his side then the cynical he saw you coming might be right.

Hold your nerve. You are basically just ring fencing in the event of a break up.

I'm in your side.

Any inputs to house are ring fenced.
Then mortgage is paid 50/50

Stress that this is just a mitigation strategy in case of a break up

So on event of break up.

Sell house for X
Both partners gets back their inputs
Any surplus then divided equally
Any costs divided equally. Hopefully over all there is a surplus.

Any day to day living expenses are entirely separate.

Your partner is going to want to retire before you too.

That's how me and DP have done it. But I'm sure there are other models people can use that work for them.

You’re being taken for a ride!!! He saw you coming… you’re being naive still. Protect your money and stop funding his lifestyle or walk away.

It’s not a great basis for a relationship. You’re young why saddle yourself with someone with kids , it’s all so messy and complicated .

Google sunk cost fallacy.

You are in over your head. This man saw you coming.

@CamillaMcCauley absolutely! The op is giving a lot of herself to this relationship and the partner appears to be getting increasingly greedy.

And also the direct financial contributions she already makes to his kids!!

I agree with pps. In a situation like this (no kids together , 2 kids from past relationship) I think that each adult should leave the relationship with the finances they contributed. He's already benefiting by getting to live in and part own a larger/nicer house. And also by having your domestic labour available. If he can't be happy with what you're offering I'd be very concerned about his motives.

Do not, I repeat, do not buy with him.

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

God, no way! I’d run from him completely, tbh. He’s seen you coming.

Being called selfish in this situation would honestly make me rethink our entire relationship tbh. Based on what you’ve said here, you’re clearly not like that.

Did your partner become more interested in buying a property following your inheritance? Of course you must protect your deposit. His response will tell you all you need to know.

Under absolutely no circumstances agree to this. You’d be financing him and his dependents in so many ways. Please do not fall for the pressure created by the existing money and time you’ve spent.

In all honesty, if a man asked this of me I’d consider it such a red flag I’d end the relationship, especially considering the stage of proceedings where you are at. Users really love to leave big asks to the last minute so that you will be swayed by a sense of urgency.

My ex did this to me, proposed a really unfair sharing of house investment when I was pregnant with our second child and was putting in a much larger deposit. Thank god I ringfenced my share as I would be fucked now if I hadn’t.

Let him feel hurt. Don’t do
it

I am so pro joint accounts and cannot understand why married couples with children would not have one.

But in your case, no. Separate finances all the way and deposits ringfenced. Of course he thinks you are selfish - because your choices are not helping him!! He is actually being selfish.

Haven’t rtft could you not also just match his deposit-put 50k in too and own 50/50? That way less risk for you.

You could challenge him on his level of trust - if he has faith in the relationship and in you, he would regard being tenants simply something expressed on paper but never impacting on your lives. If you stay together, what difference does it make, if you don’t, does he think he is entitled to half of your wealth - and if so, why?

Perhaps something to think about, that may make him feel better, could be reassuring him that you will leave your share in the house to him if you die whilst together. A factor that might be bothering him could be losing the his and his daughters’ home if you unexpectedly died. Even if he couldn’t afford the mortgage payments on his own, or any inheritance tax owing from inheriting your share, the additional funds might make the necessary downsizing less drastic.

definitely do not buy unless its as you propose and your inheritance is ring fenced.

on a morbid note, on the basis you stay together, whats the plan for your assets who will inherit your partner? What if he goes first?

Yes in a partnership everything should be shared , whats mine is yours etc, you are doing your fair share with the bills.

interesting how slight changes to your situation would invoke different responses. If it was reversed, you would deffo be told not to accept what you propose