AIBU to feel hurt by husband’s comments about my body confidence?

Hi op I get how you are feeling I have had body issues since being a teenager as I have got older I am caring less I hate my body wouldn’t wear swim suit but I think the fact your dh has been in your life for years I would not be hiding it from him there is no point your his wife and he wants to see you naked this is all very normal in a marriage I get you need to work on self esteem but your dh loves you as you are so let him be the one who sees the real you. You might never be happy with your body but your dh is the one who will like it no matter what, be happy he still fancies you some men wouldn’t. I think the fact you say how you looked before was much better but with 4 kids everyone gets affected by this change embrace it in the house it’s the safest place to be naked.

Your last point here is something that resonates - I don't have the confidence issues that you do though and haven;t really - though I don't think I have been 50kg since I was about 15 😂

I am 5'7" and currently 79kg - but the clothes I can wear now, even if they fit, don't fit the same as they did post kids, and defintely not since peri-menopause joined the party.

I know you don't like how you look not in clothes as well as in clothes by the sounds of it but might be worth looking at things that do fit you well and properly with the body shape you have now. Easier said than done I appreciate but there's nothing that makes me feel worse than putting on something that used to fit and look good that now fits and makes me look like a sack of potatoes. and I love potatoes 😉

as a total aside - have you tried different types of exercise/workouts - when you body changes sometimes what you can do changes - I am a huge advocate of pole fitness for full body workout and super supportive space where you literally get cheered at every class!

Gosh you sound incredibly fit. What ‘bits’ bother you the most? If I’d done everything I could and still felt uncomfortable I’d consider surgery (depending). Sometimes no amount of exercise will shift excess tummy skin for example, a tankini might help, or a support panel but if it’s making you that unhappy you may choose to have a more radical option.

People will probably jump on me but those same people may get Botox, fillers etc.

Good for you ❤️

He sounds a twat to be honest. You sound very upset, by what he said and by your feelings about your body. The latter is more important. I would suggest you get some counselling to help you.

Not the point and not helpful but there are a lot of geese on this thread 🤔

@YourFluentGoose
@TheRealGoose
@ThisAdeptBlueGoose

If you don't like how the swimsuits you had with you looked, can you do a, big trying on session (maybe with a friend who you trust to be honest with you) to work out what style suits you?

For example I know that I don't want anything too. High-cut on the bottom. I know that I need a v-neck to stop looking like I've been sliced in two on the bust. I need something where the strap is separate from the cup because otherwise I look like I've been squashed into it. And once I've worked all that lot out then that makes it a lot easier to try other things on because I know I've got a formula that works. Or a halterneck also works for me.

I've had good swimsuits from next and sainsburys, and from Boden in the past, and also M and S but I haven't found them as good recently.

What about if you found something you could wear that covered your top half that wasn't an oversized t shirt and helped you start feeling good about yourself?

Telling a woman to just get over it, not cool.
Man has no clue.

Does he have money for surgery? (If that’s something that interests you)

Agree ^

If you don't feel comfortable I swimwear that's your choice. Even some women who feel confident in their bodies don't like wearing swimwear.
Perhaps finding clothes that look good with your new shape would help your confidence levels? It was a bit harsh the way your husband put it and perhaps a conversation with him to tell him how you feel and if he has any ideas to help you feel better about yourself? I don't mean to lose the weight.

I know a few larger women who exude confidence as they are happy in their skin and nobody takes any notice of their weight.
Your body has been through a lot and 3 years since having your last one and no doubt having disturbed sleep during that yiem most likely hasn't helped. Don't beat yourself up but try to learn to like the new you in the meantime. You dh obviously still loves you and finds you attractive.

What and irs ok for her to accuse me of arguing with her and shaming her when I’d done no such thing, and I have to sit there and take it, because I’m a woman and as such it’s ok to accuse me of anything you please, I need to be kind and not call it out?

yeah no honey. Be kind is a bullshit way to put women in their place.

I'm a fat cow and although I won't subject people to seeing me in a bikini, I honestly couldn't care less about being seen in a bathing suit 🩱 whilst on holiday. No one really cares

V confrontational. Could be kinder to the OP but chose not to be - I'm sure you're a joy to be around

What an unkind response, shame on you

No one shamed you? Are you reading something that’s not there? We don’t know you we can only go on whay you say.

you came on saying you wear clothes for sex. A big t shirt, won’t wear swimwear, told us how attractive you were in your youth, how you got by on it, became arrogant, stated you were underweight at that point, that your husband is upset with you and worried about the impact on your daughter and with the way you hide, and how much you’re struggling with your body changes now you weigh 70kg.

i asked a couple of questions based on whay you wrote, no one has argued with you or shamed you for gods sake.

Ok, um I was not questioning uour sporting activities. Just you said you were 50kg in your 20s and 30s, which is underweight for your height. And now are still a healthy bmi , albeit at the upper end, and have very severe mental health issues round your body.

I feel there is a lot of criticism of the OP here. She has 4 children, the youngest is three and she has just stopped breastfeeding. She must be exhausted as she is also getting up early to exercise as well as looking after young children. I also like to be fit and slim and this makes me feel more confident. I love feeling good about myself and feeling good in my clothes, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think you should cut yourself some slack and your husband should cut you the same slack. Imagine if he'd had to give birth to four kids and then breast fed them for years. Would he be feeling good about himself? Would he be feeling good about his body? Would he be wearing a bikini? It will take you some time to come back to yourself, those early years are tough mentally and physically. As an aside maybe you need to change the way you are exercising? Maybe your body needs more strength training and weight lifting now you are heading into your 40s? A personal trainer is a great idea but there's also lots of free stuff on YouTube like Heather Robertson.

Well I think he’s absolutely right. He’s telling you he loves you as you are but you don’t clearly. You work out lots and look after yourself so your only issue is presumably a loose tummy or stretch marks I guess? Most mums have both, it’s part and parcel- especially after multiple pregnancies. You either grow to accept it or you live life hiding away ashamed. Your DH obviously isn’t ashamed and he finds you sexy and attractive. You do need to work on your self esteem, he is right.

Are you happy with your life. It seems you are mostly happy but are may be troubled with the future onset of middle age. At least it seems your you husband wants to try resolve the issues. Get some counselling for your self esteem and couples counselling for your relationship. If you can afford it, and can make the time ( not everyone can) consider going to a keep fit class / the gym, or a even personal trainer to improve your body confidence and maybe get yourself a makeover and some clothes that fit your new shape and make you feel confident as well, but only when you are ready to do it for yourself.